OpenWindow

I feel weak. 3 days. I just drank a few beers. I feel disappointed in myself. It's not guilty really but disappointed fearful of my AV.

I hate this. I want to run from tius all of it, this life but I know that's impossible, irresponsible and unreasonable

melki

There's no problem that alcohol can't make worse or make seem worse. Go to sleep and try again tomorrow. Kick your AV in the gut! It has no power over you once you choose not to take that first drink.

PurpleKnight

The body can't wipe away years of drinking in a few days, it's going to take time, but the initial period is going to be rough while the body adjusts physically and emotionally from not having what it has always had, at some point we have to get off the merry-go-round of alcohol, quitting, then feeling awful, so we start drinking again, that can't continue, we need to break the cycle!!

You can do this, but are you doing it on sheer will power? as that only got me so far, I needed support to get me through the tough times!!

Dee74

I think it's more useful to approach this as a problem of addiction not weakness?

The things we go through and the knots we tie ourselves into to keep drinking, despite the consequences? thats not weakness.

You just have to learn to use that strength for good instead of evil

So what's the plan now?

D

OpenWindow

I'm so angry. Sad. Disappointed. The plan? I don't know. Never to be here again. To not be on the side of the road crying and tapping out my anguish

OpenWindow

I hate this feeling of failure. I am so tired of feeling it. No I don't have support at home at all and I live with my partner who drinks.

Dee74

I understand beating yourself up but I think that energy is better used thinking of ways to find the support you need and use it

You can't change the past...but you can do a lot with today

Have you thought of recovery groups like AA or a non 12 step alternative like SMART or LifeRing at all?

D

luvmygirls

Lots of hugs to you. Learn from this and make a fresh start tomorrow. You can do it...we are here for you!!!

ScottFromWI

There are many who understand OpenWindow. I understand, many here on SR do as well. So do those at local support groups. It is possible to quit without support at home too, you will need to set boundaries though, which will be difficult.

What's most important is to stop drinking now, as in today. Get rid of what you have and make a promise to yourself that you wont get anymore. Stay here with us if you need help, there is always someone online. You can do this, you just need to believe in yourself and lean on the support you do have.

OpenWindow

Thank you for your support, it really means so much, it means everything.

I don't know if A A is for me but after this, yeah, I need something. Without support, it's more difficult than I realized.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Dee74

I also particularly recommend the Class of October support thread - why not check it out?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-2014-a-3.html

D

OpenWindow

It's difficult to get rid of it without a supportive drinking husband. I'm trying.

Thanks, I feel accountable here, I need thiat.

RumHound

OW, sometimes our path in sobriety has a bump in it. Whether we hit the bump hard or softly, we gotta continue on the right path.

What's done is done. You do not have to drink anymore.

melki

Yes, it's more difficult, but possible. A lot of us, including me, can relate. Ultimately it's your life and your decision.

OpenWindow

You're right. It's over, it happened. Move on. I'm trying.

Funny enough, I'm part of the class of October 2914.

I'm so happy for this, for you

Fly N Buy

I tried for many years on my own. Very difficult roller coaster for me. Each time I quit I meant it but could not stay stopped. I know how you are feeling.

SR is highly diverse with methods and people. I found for me I had to have face to face support. Needed live feedback, so I went to AA.

IT has gotten me to 117 days - longest sober time in over 30 years. Coupled with SR which is invaluable as well!

There is no shame in getting help I found. I just needed to be willing.

You can do this and are not alone!!

OpenWindow

Thank you. I will find a meeting AA or otherwise, it's better than feeling like this, and I can finally say I need it.

Thank you. I really needed this.

Hevyn

OpenWindow - You never need to feel disappointed in yourself again. Here's where the bad times can end. I think we have to come to this realization - and sometimes it takes a few stumbles to get there. You will get free.

Dee74

sorry - hard to keep track of folks these days

D

PolarBlue

It is hard without support. I try to text one of my only good friends about it and all he talks about is how much he spent on liquor that day. I can't bring myself to talk to my parents about it since they'd just worry. They know like to drink but we don't discuss it much.

I really wish you all the best. Don't beat yourself up too bad. Maybe ask if your husband will drink in an area of the house where you don't have to see it? I imagine asking him to stop wouldn't go well.