lost77

I don't know what to do any more my boyfriend is a heroin addict I've tried all I can stand and nothing works I tend to get so angry with him I can't take his lies much longer he says he wants to quit all the time and doesn't want this life but he will not help himself just keeps buying suboxone on the street and going back and forth between that and heroin. recently I discovered he got suboxone, which I look up on pill identifier and find out it's something else he loses money all the time , has lost his wallet, my money has came up missing as well as our sons piggy bank we have a three month old baby and I have three other children. he never spends any time with us , I get no attention, and we have no sex life. it seems all we do is fight and I get blamed for him using. however, he had used before I met him for years off and on but he told me he wanted to stop and made a promise he would. he has relapsed several times. he will not get help. he has a really good job and is afraid of losing it if he seeks help. he has gotten us behind on bills, we go without things. I know we could have such a better life. I don't know if I can believe anything he says any more. it seems to be getting worse and I am really worried now. I thought he had it under control. he has quit in the past with no problem but this time something is different. he leaves and stays gone for hours, he is angry a lot of the time, and verbally abuses my children and I. he is way too hard on my kids. they certainly can be bad and misbehave but some times I think he's way to harsh. how can I get this under control before I never get him back?

heartcore

Btw, Lost77 should probably start a new thread with her story, so the two threads don't get all mixed up. I don't know if Lost77 can do that or if a moderator does...

chicory

Dear Lost77,

I am glad you posted, and sorry for your pain. You have found a good place, here in SR. You can read stories similar to your own, lots of them. It is sad, when someone you care for is so sick, but only he can find his way out. You cannot do anything, except to take care of yourself and those precious children. They never deserve abusive talking, or what ever is 'too hard on them' that he is doing. Child abuse takes many forms and sometimes words hurt more than blows. please , be sure to put them first, because their whole lives will be shaped by their childhood experiences.

I am hoping for you to see that you must protect yourself and them , and let him hit a bottom of his own making. He won't change other wise, and to go along for that ride will be so so costly for you and your children. BTW- I know this is not easy, not easy to remove yourself or your children from harms way .

do you have any support, in family and friends? please, take care, and don't let anyone abuse you! you are worth more.
hugs, we are here for you.

Dee74

I made a new thread

D

AnvilheadII

dear lost - two of your statements really jumped out at me as they seem to contradict each other.

but this time something is different. he leaves and stays gone for hours, he is angry a lot of the time, and verbally abuses my children and I. he is way too hard on my kids. they certainly can be bad and misbehave but some times I think he's way to harsh.

how can I get this under control before I never get him back?

perhaps someone who is abusive to your children shouldn't ever be around them. perhaps where the focus should be is on protecting THEM. my goodness you have a new tiny baby, that's exhausting enough without a raging active addict terrorizing everyone and sending you into a financial death spiral.

YOU can't control this. that's why nothing YOU have done is working. he's stealing the kids piggy bank for pete's sake. that's about as low as you can go.

I wish the very best for you and your precious children. make THAT your priority.

tnwife

I went through the exact same thing with my addict. I know exactly how you feel. I would suggest you find an Al anon meeting. There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop him from using all you can do is take care of you and your children. I wish you the best.

ladyscribbler

The best thing for you to do is to take care of your children and yourself. I racked my brains and expended tons of energy trying to get my alcoholic ex sober. Nothing worked, and it was always doomed to failure because I had to let him find his own way to recovery. He has unfortunately not chosen that for himself, but I got myself and my sons out of harm's way. That was all I could do.
This thread was over on the F&F of Alcoholics section and I think it applies here as well.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nt-enough.html