Awkward conversation with FIL
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Awkward conversation with FIL
Had the weirdest conversation with my FIL a few days ago about my AH. He was pressuring me to go to a lunch I had declined with my AH and his buddy. My FIL couldn't understand why I didn't want to go, what message it sends to AH as my FIL is the one who planted the idea in my AH's head etc. he then proceeds to get my end of what has been going on as he knows about AH's drinking and was the one to clue me into the world of alcoholism. FIL then proceeds to tell me AH is a soldier and needs a general to tell him what to do and he (my FIL) would be that general and I am just supposed to continue on like everything is ok. He then proceeds to guilt me by saying my AH is giving up on life, his job is really wearing on him, blah blah blah. To me, the job and life being difficult is a part of being an adult not an excuse for poor behavior. I did end up going to the lunch with my two ds ages 2 and 4 and it was miserable as I was ignored for the first half hour and he never once tried to help me with the kids not that I expected him too. I am really starting to think FIL is more Codependant and enabling than I am. My AH is 35 soon to be 36 not a real young adult by any means. 
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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You FIL definitely sounds codependent, enabling and a control freak to boot! You don't have to allow him to browbeat you into doing anything you don't want to do. Focus on your children and yourself and do what you know is the best for you.
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Different situation......but I wish I had told my ex MIL and ex FIL a few home truths when I had the chance.
I let them say things that I never responded to at the time.
I should have as I carry a lot of anger about them now which is unhealthy for me.
They were very unfair in their treatment of me and my daughter.
A few home truths about their son would have have at least given them the truth of the situation, not their glossed over, unrealistic view of golden son.
I wish you the best xx
I let them say things that I never responded to at the time.
I should have as I carry a lot of anger about them now which is unhealthy for me.
They were very unfair in their treatment of me and my daughter.
A few home truths about their son would have have at least given them the truth of the situation, not their glossed over, unrealistic view of golden son.
I wish you the best xx
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Originally Posted by Combakkid 
Had the weirdest conversation with my FIL a few days ago about my AH. He was pressuring me to go to a lunch I had declined with my AH and his buddy. My FIL couldn't understand why I didn't want to go, what message it sends to AH as my FIL is the one who planted the idea in my AH's head etc. he then proceeds to get my end of what has been going on as he knows about AH's drinking and was the one to clue me into the world of alcoholism. FIL then proceeds to tell me AH is a soldier and needs a general to tell him what to do and he (my FIL) would be that general and I am just supposed to continue on like everything is ok. He then proceeds to guilt me by saying my AH is giving up on life, his job is really wearing on him, blah blah blah. To me, the job and life being difficult is a part of being an adult not an excuse for poor behavior. I did end up going to the lunch with my two ds ages 2 and 4 and it was miserable as I was ignored for the first half hour and he never once tried to help me with the kids not that I expected him too. I am really starting to think FIL is more Codependant and enabling than I am. My AH is 35 soon to be 36 not a real young adult by any means.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
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Thank you all for confirming what I had already thought. He has been this way through our whole marriage and it has caused a lot of rifts over the years. The only good that came out of the conversation was that I planted the seed of my AH and I moving back to our home state where both our families live currently. My main reason for this is so when I do end up leaving, I am already in the state if wanted to be in with the kids thus making custody a lot easier for me. My FIL thought that moving back home may be in AH's best interests so hopefully that may work to my advantage. Sometimes being isolated as I am here with the kids makes things far more difficult to sort out once I start over analyzing things especially with AH pretty consistently saying how mean and horrible I am and how I need to remember my choices next week when I will regret it. More quacking. I can't tell you the number of just wait til next weeks and you'll regret its I have heard over these last few years.
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Sasha I have stopped sugar coating things for my inlaws a while ago. They here all about what is going on when asked. Tired of feeling like the bad guy all the time while their son is a saint of sorts. There is always an excuse for the behavior with them, but I refuse to accept the unacceptable any longer!
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Good question Suki. I ask that each time to get a reply of "you'll see" which has yet to manifest into anything. At worst he drains our joint checking then laughs at me about it. Little does he know I have my own money so the joke is on him.
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