doureallycare2

I told my therapist this morning that I'm doing quite a bit better but feel somewhat empty. I take a walk almost every morning and late at night and I usually am crying while I look at the sunrise or stare at the stars. That is my time to remember all those long conversations about nature and astronomy I had with the xabf.

Well the past few days when I've done those walks I feel an emptiness. While part of me is so very glad I seem to be "getting to the other side" and not feeling all that pain. There is another loss, the loss of that surge of adrenaline the lows and highs give you. I have lived on nothing but adrenaline the past 6 months, actually probably for years. so now as I'm learning to be a new and healthier me. I'm feeling lost. How do I fill myself now? how do I find out who I am? I have lived 37 years attached to others and taking on their needs and wants. I don't even know what mine are..

I found this definition and although I wasn't rejected, in many respects I feel like I have been and these symptoms are exactly what I've been going through for months. So now what? Did anyone else feel empty at the loss of all the drama?

I hope I'm learning and healing enough to be able to look down the road at a happier me and not reach back for the dysfunctional high.

Withdrawal Symptoms from co-dependent/love addicts


Withdrawal symptoms may be anxiety, panic, fear, nausea, dramatic changes in weight, insomnia, depression, loneliness, obsession, anger, rage, emptiness, denial, and despair. Love addicts in withdrawal often experience irrational thoughts, distortions, and feelings of being powerless. The feeling or inner sense of being completely diminished and insufficient as a person, flood the "being" of their soul. The intense feeling of rejection by their partner's abandonment and neglect sends the message that reinforces what they already believe inside--they were not worthy of being with. It all seems like they're swimming upstream against the currents of fate--fate working against them with no ending.

Family members and friends haven't a clue or any frame of reference to the trauma the love addict is experiencing. Their simple solutions of, "just get over it" or "leave him/her, and find someone new" never work. This only fuels a more inner sense of shame, weakness, or unworthiness in the love addict.

Ironically and unconsciously, one powerful way love addicts hold on to denial (denial is often strongly present during withdrawal) is through obsession. Obsessions come in many forms and may include fantasies about recapturing the romantic relationship--the magical person they lost, the good times, sex, passion, chemistry, intensity--while ignoring or filtering the truth that it was more chaos than bliss.

ladyscribbler

I felt the same way I did when I got home from Iraq. Like it was too quiet. Eerie quiet. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Now I enjoy the peace, but it took awhile to get used to.
I had isolated myself and neglected taking care of me. My ex was the center of my sad little universe and all my resources and energy went into trying to save him from himself.
I had to change that behavior and start focusing on me, which was scary and hard. I started exercising again, bought myself some new clothes, some makeup, got a real haircut in salon, went to the dentist for the first time in six years, started seeing a therapist. I got involved in Alanon and started doing service work, helping people who actually appreciated it and wanted my help. I'm still figuring out what I want for myself, what my dream life looks like and how to go about doing that. I'm getting to know who I am outside the context of a relationship for the first time since I was a teenager.
Take time to grieve, and remember that those feelings of emptiness and loneliness, painful as they are, are part of the process of healing. They will dissipate as you fill your life with things that are healthy and meaningful to you.

lillamy

This. Word for word.
I won't lie. It's hard to focus on yourself. It's hard when you start feeling the pain that you've stuffed. It's hard. But it's not dangerous. You can do it.

Dojang

Wow, the symptoms really hit home. Thank you for sharing this.

doureallycare2

Your welcome,

they really did for me also, especially:

(Quote)
feeling or inner sense of being completely diminished and insufficient as a person, flood the "being" of their soul.

they were not worthy of being with. It all seems like they're swimming upstream against the currents of fate--fate working against them with no ending.

(denial is often strongly present during withdrawal) is through obsession. Obsessions come in many forms and may include fantasies about recapturing the romantic relationship--the magical person they lost, the good times, sex, passion, chemistry, intensity--while ignoring or filtering the truth that it was more chaos than bliss. (Quote)

katatat

This is me.

threegirlsjjj

This hit so close to home for me... I seem to be doing great throughout the day then bam the overwhelming sadness and emptiness hits.

TalenCrowhaven

It took a long time before I could walk away from a current codie addiction to an addict and their drama, and not hook up with another one to fill the void.

I really believe this is why working on ourselves is so important. If we don't, we just change dance partners...not the dance.

This is such an important topic and the core of our recovery, imo.

NYCDoglvr

I've read that at the core of addiction (including alcoholism & codependency) is low self-esteem, the reason we gravitate to high-drama relationships and drown ourselves in booze. To not be present for our feelings.

doureallycare2

I feel like I could Easley start medicating to not have to handle all this..

Dojang

Me too, doureallycare2, but I won't, because I am determined to stop this cycle and finally overcome this. It's too painful to continue to do this. And while I am hurting so badly right now, making changes within myself will pay off in the long fun. Stay strong, push through the pain and things will get better. Hugs

iSPAZ

You are not alone and I promise it gets better. Takes a while but it does get better. Taking care of yourself and making you the number one priority is key.

doureallycare2

Thank you, I definitely need that hope that it will get better if I put the work into it... I'm usually a talker not a doer, unless its for others of course.

this taking action on yourself is hard

iSPAZ

When my sponsor kept asking me if I was taking care of myself I did not even understand what he meant. I was going to work everyday, paying my bills you know the routine. I was not in any way taking care of myself. I was completely obsessed with my qualifier. I was taking care of everyone around me but neglecting me. It felt very selfish at first and looking back I have no idea why. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. One day I decided which would I rather do today sit and think obsessively about someone who obviously cares little to nothing for me or go get a massage. I chose the massage. When I was done I felt better than before the massage. Then one day I was sitting at home loathing in self pitty and thought to myself which would I rather do. Loath in self pity or go get me some new nice shirts and new jeans. I picked up some cologne too. Next thing you know I got a couple complement on how i looked and smelled. Boosted my ego and made me feel better. Then it dawned on me. Part of the reason I felt like crap was because I lost who I was and who I wanted to be by not taking care of me. Also I found out I worry about my ex much better on a Harley!! Not making light of your situation and I know where you are because I have been there in a bad way. I wish I could reach through here and give you some peace and happiness. All I can tell you is it gets better and if you work on yourself and for yourself you will see thing much differently. You will feel better. You will feel happiness that seems impossible to feel right now. The emptiness will fade. The anxiety will lesson. You will have learned that you did not deserve to be treated like you were. You will know that you will never accept the behavior again from anybody anywhere. Praying for you!!!

doureallycare2

Wow Thank you!!! You have reached through here and given me some peace and happiness!

And you made me laugh with : (QUOTE) Also I found out I worry about my ex much better on a Harley!! (Quote)

there's something about the wind in your face and hair. I have a convertible and just got back from my lunch time drive. Loved it..

iSPAZ

I am with you on the open air experience. When I am riding all of my senses are challenged and I feel alive. You see more. Hear more. Smell more. Feel more. Stop by the icecream place and you taste more. Feeling empty sucks bad. I would not wish it on anyone. I bet it is beautiful up there this time of year with the leaves changing colors.

doureallycare2

It is beautiful but oday is rainy and cold. Which goes with my mood. My xh finally got a Facebook page and everyone felt the need to text me about it and he has his relationship status as engaged! So here I am alone working on me... Who has the better life? Because right now my withdraw is screaming to me to call th axbf... I won't. But this really stinks...