AlcoholFree66

I haven't been posting much lately and perhaps this is playing a part in my state of mind today.

Yesterday I was speaking with someone who used the term 'spiritual poverty'. I really liked it and it is very appropriate in my work context. Well I've been thinking about it this afternoon.... I haven't been feeling much inner peace today (not wanting to drink) but just cranky, angry towards others (in my head) and generally intolerant. I thought it is a good idea to post about it!

Nowsthetime

Cranky days happen to everyone, normies, problem drinkers, everyone. I really like the "spiritual poverty" concept. Sometimes I feel like my soul is dead from all the ugliness I've seen but then I see my daughter, or a beautiful sunset and I feel a spark. I guess my soul isn't dead after all. attitude is everything since it is what I can control so I'm trying to always be positive. The e press ion I always use is "this too shall pass". (It even helped me have a natural birth.)

I also want to add that I am not a religious person but I do see spirituality.

Fly N Buy

Common feelings for me as well - I think we all go through this to different extents. For me I found myself in that place of spiritual bankruptcy, not just poverty! Had lost or perhaps never had a connection with God. Maybe fleeting moments, but not in my life at all times.

Growth of spirituality for me to garner the light that allows me to have love and tolerance requires morning reading - Oswald Chambers - and talking with God throughout the day.

I have learned from others who have a high development of their spiritual nature to speak to God always. I probably say/ask thy will be done 10-15 times daily, along with prayers. I have found a capability to not control every scene of life as if I am the director. This is learned behavior for me, but progressing pretty well. Just sitting back, closing my mouth and not starting sentences with....You know what you should do!>>> Awful...

But, I am only human too and don't claim any moral high ground. This is just what I found keeps me away from anger more often. Frankly, I read posts on here ( as some will read this one I am sure) and become frustrated with the gamesmanship, those playing alcoholic games. In fact I am certain that was me as well.

We are not Saints.....just Saints fan's as a friend says!
Thanks for the post, I needed to read this and be reminded of my own fallibility>

peace

fridgey

We can be rich in our pain which is the trade for abandoning our humanity. i think that's the lead back to wholeness, to bare and bear our pain. We are adept at adapting but the change is pain. If we numb the pain then the change isn't spiritual. We are only holograms of our future without love. But you know that already.

Dee74

Are you looking to move on from your workplace AF?

D

DoubleDragons

I get the crankies all of the time. I have been trying to understand the idea of "oneness" lately. It has helped me to be more loving and grateful and tolerant of others. None of us live independently. I was shopping in the grocery store the other day and I was just thinking, "Thank you farmers. Thank you delivery truck drivers. Thank you stock clerks. Thank you grocery manager and check out person. Thank you bagger." Just my hour trip to the grocery store would not have happened because of all of those wonderful people and others. I told this to a few people and they said, "Well, they get paid." Yes, they do get paid. We all get paid for something, but thankfully, we all have inspiration (God inspired in my mind) to do different things that make up the beautiful whole.

SoberLeigh

"Spiritual poverty" - I like that. I used to call it "spiritual darkness" (I have to work through it a few times in my life) but I like spiritual poverty better.

ArtFriend

OMG...I am so much with you in spirit (ironically). I too feel cranky and spiritually bankrupt. In addition to loss of many other things, I have lost my faith.

You are not alone!

AlcoholFree66

Thanks for your thoughtful responses.

I have woken up feeling quite different. I was reflecting last night - I spoke 'ill' of someone yesterday publicly - although I absolutely meant what I said my comment was unnecessary and I was feeling quite ashamed about making the comment!

I really do appreciate your comments some really insightful stuff. I know I can grow to be more of the person I want to be - living according to values I respect - but of course this won't happen overnight (or in months of sobriety!) I can only learn from the error I made yesterday. I am really fortunate I have a job that challenges me to do just this! Thanks again.

Aellyce

For me, there are two main versions:

#1. Simply just bad mood on some days that often comes and goes without any apparent "bigger" reason. The best remedy for these for me is mainly to ignore it and focus on some worthwhile activity, chores, etc. Or it can also be caused by my own procrastinating something (sometimes even just a decision), and in this case the best is really to get into it and get it done. These states tend to resolve/change quite fast.

#2. Something more complex, a form of existential angst, losing touch with my common sources of inspiration, etc. This usually needs much more introspection and work and takes longer.

I am in that #1 kind of mood just today - probably why I am responding to this thread. Oh well, it'll pass

AlcoholFree66

Haennie - I'm reading your post 13 hours after you wrote it - so I hope you are sleeping well and feel refreshed in the morning. Tomorrow is a new day. My mood was very different today. In fact I told my colleague how much I'd enjoyed her term 'spiritual poverty' - I don't really think that was what I felt yesterday but it fitted well for me at the time!