Notices

Realizations

Old 09-29-2014, 11:24 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Redmond
Posts: 5
Realizations

First off I want to say Hello.

I never really thought I had an alcohol problem and still don't fully believe I do. Since I can go weeks in between drinks. But this weekend my wife and I had her family (grandfolks, uncle, brother, mother, etc) over for a big clam bake. Some of them pretty conservative (her grandfolks)

Before everyone came over there was a local oktoberfest at a brewery so I decided to go. After multiple beers I went back to my place and decided to not stop drinking even though a reasonable person would of stopped after 2 with family coming over. Anyways by the end of the night her family had tried to do a toast to my wives father who had passed away recently who I have great respect for. I was told (since I don't remember this) I interrupted mid toast to bable on about a football game that was going on instead of show my respects. I have never felt so horrible about something in my life and so embarrassed by my action. I went on to become increasingly load and obnoxious since I was the only drunk person there.

Well my wife is rightfully very upset about the whole situation and is very upset. That's when she said why do you always have to get drunk when you drink it's never just one or two drinks. And that's when I realized even though I don't drink very often I can't just have a few drinks. I'm trying to patch things up with my wife and her family as well as forgive myself. I'm really not sure where to go from here I feel so terrible and so unworthy at the moment. But I'm starting to come to the realization that I might have a drinking problem and don't want to hurt my wife or her family again. I'm really hoping that she can forgive me for my actions.

thanks for any input and/or advice
Sokar is offline  
Old 09-29-2014, 11:38 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Sokar View Post
First off I want to say Hello.

I never really thought I had an alcohol problem and still don't fully believe I do. Since I can go weeks in between drinks.
Well...first off "Hello" to you.
Accepting our problem with alcohol sometimes takes earth shattering losses and many, many years and experiences..and some never accept it fully enough to stay away forever. They keep on trying...some lose everything, some die or worse, others die as a result of someone else's inability to accept that there is no fixing an off button that never existed in the first place.

The no "off" button once started is a GIANT clue...enormous. You might not fit the "profile" in your mind's eye....
But sorry hon...you do in mine.
Nuudawn is offline  
Old 09-29-2014, 11:47 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Wastinglife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Looks like you are a binge-drinker. Even if you only do it once a month, the fact you can't stop once you start, is a main indicator of alcoholism. I started out as weekend binger, eventually I was drinking vodka daily all day.

I have also made scenes at parties being the drunkest there.
Wastinglife is offline  
Old 09-29-2014, 11:55 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,048
Hi Sokar

I think a lot of people still believe an alcoholic is someone who needs to drink every day and every time they drink they cannot stop.

Neither of those things has been true on my experience, although after 20 years I did come to typify that 'worst case scenario' kind of drinker.

I started off a very occasional drinker - there was alcoholism in my family too - but I always drank to get wasted. I should have heeded that warning sign.

Whether or not you think you are an alcoholic or not, clearly there's a problem in your life with alcohol that needs addressing. You'll find a lot of support, encouragement and ideas here

welcome

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 09-30-2014, 12:25 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Denver
Posts: 2
My ex-wife used to tell me I don't have an "off button" and that I don't know when to say when. I used to always wonder why I never learned my lesson by doing other drugs when I was already drunk and then getting sick or passing out. I was the guy that passed out and got drawn all over at parties or camping trips. I blacked out so many times, yelling at my ex wife and really hurting her emotionally because she questioned why I needed one more drink. I promised on multiple occasions it wouldn't happen again, but it always seemed to happen again. But there were also occasions where I'd go out and drink in a controlled manner, so I was never an alcoholic in my mind - at least not until it spiraled so badly out of control that I was drinking every day and every minute I wasn't at my desk at work.

I'm not saying you're an alcoholic or have a problem or not. Even if I thought it, it wouldn't matter - the only person that matters what they think is you. Your wife, her parents, your children if you have any, your family - they can all suggest it. But YOU need to come to the realization that you have a problem and you want to do something about it.

You have some soul searching to do, and you need to be completely honest with yourself. I wish you the best.
TerrelB is offline  
Old 09-30-2014, 12:36 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,048
Welcome to you too TerrellB
Dee74 is offline  
Old 09-30-2014, 02:29 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
MythOfSisyphus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,936
Welcome, TerrelB and Sokar! It's good to have you both at SR.

With drinking it doesn't come down to how much you drink or even how often so much as the problems you have when you do drink. I went from a binge drinker > daily drinker > daily binge drinker. But even when I first started to drink at age 18 I had no OFF button; once I started drinking it was on. From the outset I routinely drank to the point of blacking out. As I got older I guess I became experienced enough with booze that I rarely got blackout-drunk but I'd always get at least sloppy drunk.

Sokar, if you can't stop once you start you probably have a problem. Personally I don't think it's important to put a label on the problem so long as you know the solution. When you reach the point where you can't control your drinking you probably need to stop drinking altogether.

And that's another line that will show if you have a problem. A normal drinker confronted with the idea of never drinking just shrugs their shoulders and thinks meh, I guess I will stop drinking then. Booze isn't a big part of their lives and thus living without it is no big deal. But the very thought of quitting will send a problem drinker into a panic.

Back when I drank booze was A Really Big Deal. Everything revolved around it. When traveling I took great pains to plan ahead (eg when do the liquor stores close? Do they sell on Sundays? Can C-stores sell or just liquor stores?). If there was any doubt I would take my own. At home all my shopping trips revolved around keeping stocked up. I kept an eye on the clock noting the 2:00 am cutoff to buy the way Dracula watched out for the sunrise!

In retrospect it was an amazing waste of time and energy. You would be wise to nip it in the bud before you reach a point where the consequences are even worse.
MythOfSisyphus is offline  
Old 09-30-2014, 03:57 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Notmyrealname's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
The good news is if you don't drink at all that kind of thing never happens again.
Notmyrealname is offline  
Old 09-30-2014, 10:29 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!!
PurpleKnight is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:36 PM.