thotful

I'm estranged from two siblings and their wives. Another brother of mine tried to talk to them (even though I told him, "you can't speak for me)...go figure. They apparently said the same things they've been saying for years.

I don't like thotful's wife
Thotful's wife is crazy (apparently evidence is that we recycle too much, or that she's vegetarian...waaat?)
Thotful can't take a joke
Thotful is stubborn
Thotful talks about his sobriety too much

Thotful should let it go and put things under the rug

Is that familiar to some of you out there? Do people actually think "put it under the rug" is the way to go with life? They literally want me to shut up, be quiet, hang out with them and say nothing. Never speak of it again. Get over the fact that they don't like my wife, call her names, and don't accept her. We are to be "polite and cordial" - which includes ignoring the elephant in the room?

Thoughts on the whole "put it under the rug" mentality?

hopeful4

I personally would put them under the rug and walk away.

biminiblue

...what hopeful said.

Then I would tell the other family members that you don't want to hear any more of their triangulation stories (i.e. - I don't want to hear what they say about me or Mrs. Thotful.)

Then keep saying that.

NWGRITS

Agreed.

AnvilheadII

indeed, what hopeful said! if someone repeatedly told me they do not like MY husband (for reasons completely unwarranted), it would be the last time i'd bother having much if anything to do with them. they are entitled to their opinons.

if someone expressed that i speak of recovery, or global warming or the knicks taking it to game 7 in the finals against the rockets TOO MUCH for THEM, i have a couple choices. respect that opinion and pick other topics when i am in their company - OR - not be in their company.

you've been over this same ground for a long time now....you and your family have each made your stands CLEAR. why not just leave them be, stay away and avoid this whole retread entirely? why keep beating the dead horse?

ask your brother to stop intervening. and do not engage if anyone brings up THIS topic. hands over ears

drop the rock.

NYCDoglvr

What helped me have a real relationship with my brother was accepting him and his wife as they are, with no judgement. It was letting go of expectations. When I accomplished this -- it took ten years! -- they suddenly became the people I'd always wanted them to be. It was work on me, not them, that gave me a terrific relationship.

CodeJob

My RAHs enabler is a triangulator master. I'd love to hang him outside and beat him like an old rug. We call him and his ilk the SH-- disturbers.

In my family, we sweep all kinds of SH-- under the rug(s )...

But if you stop playing the game, it hits the fan, doesn't it?