MyTime86

This Saturday one of my friends is getting married which in theory should be a great time.
But in earlier sobriety I know it's going to be tough, I know I'm not going to drink but I'm just not my self yet still very uncomfortable in situations where drinking is the vocal point. Connecting and letting loose sober is still something foreign for me. I don't know I guess I'm just alittle worried. Feeling weird today maybe I should lay off the coffee.

razor15

Understandable. I had to sequester myself for a couple of weeks entirely and have only recently started socializing out and about again. A wedding is kind of hard to miss though. Maybe solicit support from a partner or friend while you're there to keep you focused?

Jupiters

I don't know how early it is for you, but you need a plan. Do you have a plan?

SoberLeigh

Razor and Jups took the words right out of my mouth.

Do you have a partner/date to keep you accountable? Weddings can be a danger zone - so much to celebrate.

Do you have an exit strategy if you feel weak?

MyTime86

I have 2 months, as far as a plan goes, I've made it clear to friends that I'm serious about not drinking and that's about it, Not sure what else I can do.
I feel good about not drinking I have no real urge besides just feeling left out, drunk people are hard to connect to sober I am finding. I guess the only thing I can do is just keep pushing through at this point until I find my self as a sober person . Any other advice is welcome

MyTime86

Nope I'm single at the moment and with everyone that will be there is supportive but seems like they have a hard time understanding my situation. I really feel like that guy that everyone just feels bad for like I just can't get my life together, it kinda hurts

SoberLeigh

You have two months; you ARE putting your life together and with a considerable amount of effort.

I think you will be in a danger zone, especially without sober support. "Supportive" friends tend to become less so when drinking.

Is it possible to attend the wedding rite and skip the celebration?

MyTime86

I hear what your saying about "supportive friends" soberleigh your right. Not attending the after party is an option, but at the same time I'm afraid if I don't stand up to my fear all never conquer them. If It become to much I will def leave early, my biggest problem is being uncomfortable out of place guy I am now because I'm changes my ways of living, I'd imagine the only way to beat that is time. I am not going to drink but I am going to be awkward in my attempt to do it.

SoberLeigh

I understand that awkwardness; I harbored the same fears at one time. I can now be around drinking/drunk friends but, thankfully, I no longer envy their ability to drink normally. My bottom-line is that I can't drink normally and that is that. Now when I around truly drunk people, I feel a little sick and when I see a box of Chardonnay, I feel truly sick.

You will become more comfortable in your sober skin.

Do you have the SR app on your phone? Take us with you to the wedding!!!!

MyTime86

Yea I have the app all check in.

SoberLeigh

Great. I am participating in a charity walk Saturday morning but I should be around later in the day.

Remember, there is ALWAYS somebody (many somebodies) here.

PurpleKnight

You'll be surprised how many at weddings either don't drink or care what is in your glass, when I drank I always seemed to care what or how little was in my glass, but in the real world most people aren't bothered.

I have been to a few weddings over the summer, and there's always going to be elderly relatives at weddings, no one gives them a hard time for not drinking, and in the end the enjoyment should come from seeing the wedding, not getting hammered at the bar!!

Be a "non drinker" at this wedding, it's a pretty liberating experience!!

heartcore

I'm right with you. At 7 weeks sober, and trying to figure out how to gracefully navigate within my existing world. Exploring my edges, and figuring out where I am safe and when I am no longer in a safe place and how to read that fluently.

I understand the concern of a sense of defeat socially if unable to attend the reception. Conversely, wedding receptions tend to be the excuse/opportunity even for folks who rarely drink to excess to get very, very intoxicated. I would say - not a safe place.

The compromise would be to attend the ceremony itself (sober and spiritual - safe), and then to stay at the reception only for, say, an hour to an hour and a half. Enough time to enjoy some of the yummy food and (most importantly for you, it sounds like) to be visibly able to mingle with drinking friends/practice that navigation.

I would make sure that this is not a vague plan. Make arrangements to meet a sober friend somewhere else at exactly the time necessary to leave the reception in an hour or so. You could plan to meet them at a cafe or at an AA meeting. Just planning to go to a meeting instead isn't quite enough (at least for me), but it would make a difference if someone is expecting you.

Ideally, it is great to attend things like this in the first year with another sober friend.

And, remember, if you wake up that morning, and even with all your plans in place feel unsafe about this wedding, JUST DON'T GO. Yes, it would be great to connect with your friends on this special day, but your life will not end if you miss someone's wedding. You can admire their photos later. Your LIFE CAN END if you start drinking again. That's the bottom line.

Fake stomach flu if necessary. Nobody will fault you for not coming to a wedding and infecting the group with stomach flu. A couple of "I missed you there, buddy" comments later is no big deal.

Addicts and alcoholics seem to have a very difficult time with MISSING THINGS. This is so silly, because - drunk or loaded - we were not really that present at the things we actually attended, can't remember lots of our experiences, and probably weren't invited to some of the most fun events because people didn't want us vomiting in the limo.

So after all the stuff we missed, why do we freak out in early sobriety when we should probably just skip an alcohol driven event?

MyTime86

Oh by the way the wedding was great. Had I great time an the drinking around me didn't bother me much. Making progress !!! Day 76

Soberwolf

Good luck