Newpathway

Now that I am just over 2 months sober my mind is sharper and I'm focusing with crystal clear vision on things I've been blurry about for years. One aspect of my life I've been careless about is money. I have been working for the past 15 years in a profession that pays well. As a result of feeling secure in that area I squandered money, was too generous with family and generally made poor choices with investments that I am just realizing cost me between $ 150 to 200 thousand dollars. I'm not wealthy by any stretch which is why I am kicking myself now as I awaken to my new and clearer reality and see this. Before that I was sober for many years raising my 2 children alone and in poverty working hard to get this job. Now retirement is less than 10 years away so that money could have come in handy. I know there are people worse off and better off than I am. I'm just needing to vent because I'm mad at myself. Perhaps this is one of the moments on my new path that requires me to dig deep and accept that which I cannot change and move forward and forget about the past. Thanks for listening.

Soberwolf

Dont dwell newpathway i had the same thing around the 2-3 month mark

i couldnt believe what i had woken up to

i went into overdrive being careful that no matter what i was never drinking again

razor15

Yeah, I used to be responsible with finances too, up until a decade or so ago when because I felt I earned a good wage...but mostly because I stopped caring...I got a little loose around me spending habits.
That's one of the things I'm just starting to work on again. History, as you say, is done now.

Wastinglife

I ran up $60,000 in credit card debt and had to declare bankruptcy Smart move when you're unemployed cuz you're drunk....

Hope4Life

Move FORWARD and don't look back.

I say the serenity prayer every night when I get in bed... it really helps.

luvmygirls

That's a bummer. Vent away! I guess the only silver lining is that you woke up before it was $300k (OK, that's no consolation at all, never mind!)

Buggirl

I worked out I spend approx £5,000 a year on booze!

Jupiters

I don't make a great living at all and it makes me ill to calculate the costs of my drinking. How I managed to still have a buck in my bank acct. is beyond me. 2 DUIS, lawyers, court fines, lost jobs, cab fare, food and purchases while under the influence, $2500 in body work for BF's car, etc etc....

I'm broke as a joke now but sober.

ArtFriend

I'm in the same leaky boat! I was making over 100K a year and I am now bankrupt and broke.

Newpathway

It feels like a common theme that getting sober for us involves dealing with a lot of great new experiences and also a sense of 'waking up' and having to deal with some harsh realities...perhaps the very harshness we wanted to avoid by drinking. It's a double edged sword. I must say though when I realize that I'm still alive, I have survived and want to keep living I chalk up my drinking mistakes and poor judgment to there unfortunately being a cost attached to it and it is my cross to bear. You are right Josharon that I could have lost more....and many here have....much more in money, loved ones, lives ....I think I will consider myself lucky. I could have lost something even more valuable and wished it could have 'only been' money.

Newpathway

Soberwolf : "I couldnt believe what I had woken up to."


This comment really captures it!!!

heartcore

I also have had the horrifying realization of how careless I have been with money. Not just the cost of booze and smokes, but - as you mentioned - over generosity with my family of origin (I believe based in guilt that I live so far away from them and cannot care for them in person, mixed with guilt - ?! - that I am successful and they all struggle). I also have not kept good track of expenses, even while paying things, so have paid (I'm sure) many thousands of dollars in fines and penalties.

Last week I met with a financial adviser. It has softened that panic. She told me (and maybe she was just being kind) that in the scale of financial chaos, from 1-10 (with 10 being worst), she'd only put me at a 2 or 3. That feedback alone took some weight off.

The good thing is that in sobriety, I will be able to "put my financial house in order." It will be some sessions as simple as sitting (with a candle burning, after some deep breathing) and opening and sorting some of the many, many unopened envelopes that I have thrown into boxes during the dark days. Some of the work will involve creating systems to track and care for my money now.

Interestingly, I too was very poor in the past, single parenting and going to school. I have a well paying job now, and that's when I got careless with money. Go figure.

What is important to me is to be patient with the process, and to try to approach it full of hope rather than with self-recrimination. In truth, if I can wade through the mess, I actually like money, and it will be fun to see progress in that area.

I was even thinking of devoting some wall space to a big visual page as I progress, so that I can map my money situation.

This is an area in which I have to grow. I am including it in my 8th and 9th steps, and considering it my primary amends. It is not that I owe money, but I haven't been fair to myself in being so careless with it. This misuse of money has caused 80% of the physical and mental tension which I drink to relax away. So it is a worthy amends to myself, and part of the wreckage that I need to bravely face.

razor15

Excellent Heartcore! They say finances is one of the biggest stressors so it makes sense to get a handle on it. Good for you!

DoubleDragons

Around five years ago my husband and I were inches away from bankruptcy. Part of it wasn't our fault. The economy blew up and my husband was laid off, but we had lived pretty extravagantly, so part of it was our fault, too. During that time a friend told me that financial problems were the best kind of problems to have because they always can be rectified. I wanted to hit her when she said that, but it is true. We are back in the black with savings in the bank to boot. The best part of all of this was really evaluating what we were doing with our money. Were we really living our values or living the life of what we "should be doing", ie. living in a ridiculously large house that was too much to take care of, belonging to an expensive golf club when we don't even like to golf, throwing expensive parties when we are really introverts who like quiet time to ourselves, giving away money to charity willy-nilly because it fed our egos to be able to give away money like water without really considering the charity/person we were giving the money to, etc. etc.?? There is nothing that makes you realize the value of your resources when you don't have them. You will be fine and regrets will do nothing for you. Stay on the sobriety train and it will all seem so much more peaceful and clear to you down the line.

LBrain

well Ive heard a combination of myself in the responses,
no matter.
the important thing is that I am healthy and sober, and I didn't lose my house - yet.

what matters is looking forward, not backward.Yeah, I still get all the 'requests' in the mail and I get phone calls a lot asking for money. It was always so hard for me to say no.
No is a word I had to learn. Living and enjoying the simple pleasures of life - appreciating things - is something too.
I'm not gonna list how much I squandered, or lost in future earnings.
I'm going to enjoy what I have now. What lies ahead? Who knows?

What I do know is that if I never pick up a drink again I'll be able to deal with whatever happens down the road.