Missy7

First, for those of you who have witnessed the roller coaster I ride--I'm doing well. Watching TV sober on a Saturday night. Even after having gone out to dinner!

But I had an epiphany today! So many of us talk about cravings, and I haven't experiences quite those. I don't have physical cravings. Instead I bargain and reason with myself. It's an intellectual game. And I wonder if that distinction might be what has made it so very hard for me to stay sober for any period of time. Since I don't have a physical manifestation of my alcoholism once I sober up, I have a hard time sticking it out.

I don't know. And I don't know why this has been so hard. But I love my life sober, and I hate it drunk, yet I feel like I have the right to drink. Stupid.

Anyway, sober tonight! Sober tomorrow.

VikingGF

Your AV (addictive voice) is trying to convince you to drink, but you don't want to. It feels like you are two people, right? And you can hear them arguing in your head? The good news is, once you can identify this addictive voice, you can tell it to shut the &%$# up. It can't make you DO anything- YOU are in charge. You may want to look at the book Rational Recovery if any of this is resonating with you.

At any rate, you are doing a GREAT JOB staying sober despite what you may be hearing in your head- and the longer you do it, the quieter that voice will get.

Good for you, Missy7. Keep it up.

Dee74

I never had much in the way of physical cravings, not after the first week anyway - but that endless dialogue and debate in my head...I had that in spades...and for quite a while.

I finally learned the way forward was not engage in argument.

I already knew my desired outcome - I will not drink today...any debate would just be hot air and expended energy.

D

kirstensmith

I am sort of with you where you are coming from. I'm physically not dependent on alcohol so there's part of me that is like "why do you need to quit drinking?" My best friend who is very supportive, is not a heavy drinker, and she knows why I am worried, but still says you're not an alcoholic. But when I hear her say that sentence, I aways here the word, yet at the end.

So I may not be physically dependent on alcohol. However, emotionally and intellectually, I know that I have been drinking too much over the past year and I need to stop. I am still not at the point as to know whether I will at some point be able to drink again (just being honest here) but for now, I know I am quitting one day at a time. I think I would rather be where I am at now where I CAN quit, but I have to battle the urge against the emotional triggers, than get further down the road where I can't quit.

Two years ago, my Aunt died from alcoholic hepatic steatotis. She drank herself to death. She was a very bright woman at one point, but in the later years of her alcoholism, her mental capacities had vanished. She died at the young age of 62, and used to be an RN in an neonatal unit years ago, and spoke 4 or 5 different languages. I don't want to get to the point where I can't quit drinking, and that's why I'm quitting drinking.

Will I miss wine? Maybe.
Will I miss going out with friends for drinks? The good ones with understand. The other ones can disappear.
Will I find new things to fill my life with? Definitely! Exercise, books, reading, SR,

All I know is that I want the next year to look very different than this past year. I have wasted way too many nights at home drinking wine, spending money I shouldn't have been spending, when I could have lived my life differently. What do you want you life to look like?

I know this was a rambling post, but hopefully something I said helps.

There are also a couple of books you can read out there "Unwasted: my lush sobriety" by Sasha Z. Scoblic. Two of my favorite alcohol memoirs are "Drinking: a Love Story" by Carolyn Knapp and parched by Heather King.


Again, sorry for the rambling.

luvmygirls

Good for you for not drinking! This is a tough one for me. I've heard several people say they are not physically dependent on alcohol, and I'm really curious about what that means. Can someone explain the difference? All I know is that I want to drink. Do I just lack self awareness, where I can't separate a physical craving from an emotional void? Or does the presence of physical withdrawal symptoms (most notably, exhaustion and mental fogginess) automatically confirm that I have a physical dependence? I'm not asking for medical advice, just some insight.

Missy7

Thanks guys. I've done okay this weekend and I'm looking forward to being strong and sober tomorrow! It helped that I have a HUGE meeting in the morning and I simply had to protect myself.

I appreciate your discussion of the argument Dee. You're right, four or five days sober and I stop feeling like dying and start rationalizing drinking. But, I have more energy today than I have had for a long time, and that definitely needs to be protected.

Kirsten, I wonder what your have used to reason whether or not you are an alcoholic. Are there other family members that are alcoholic--other than your aunt? I always knew I had a genetic predisposition and it has certainly played out.

Thanks for listening guys. More soon.