ItsJustMe89

I have been a nightly drinker for a while now. I am trying to quit but can't seem to muster enough determination and will power to commit to quitting and doing everything in my power to make that happen. It is a kind of half ass attempt. I want to not drink as much, but I don't like the idea of never drinking.

Last weekend I didn't drink. I went 3 1/2 days sober. I can't remember when the last time I didn't drink that long. I can remember plenty of times that I skipped a night... but I don't remember the last time I skipped 2 or more. So for me, that was huge progress. But Monday night came and I just wanted to drink. For all the time during that 3 1/2 days where I wanted a drink but didn't have one, I just wanted to satisfy myself. So I drank Monday night, and every night this week.

What I realized when I was going 3 1/2 days without drinking was that I was very bored, lazy, and had a hard time sleeping at night. Also, I started to think about how worthless I am. I started to look at my life.. my house is a mess (I wouldn't be able to have a friend stop by even if I wanted to), my car is a mess (I wouldn't be able let a friend ride in the car with me cause its like a mobile trash can), I don't get to work on time (but thankfully I won't get fired for that cause my job is production based and I am good at it), I don't take good care of my cats (their litter box needs to be cleaned), I don't take care of my body (I eat way too much convince food, I am fatter then I have ever been and I don't have many cloths that fit me), and I only moderately take care of my hygiene. Its no wonder I don't have friends let alone a relationship.

I think part of what makes getting sober time so hard is not having an escape from how miserable my life is. And not being able to silence things that I don't want to think about or feel. And knowing that it is going to take a long time to fix all these areas of my life and its not going to be fun in the process. Actually, I think for a while it is going to be very lonely and uncomfortable.

Maybe tomorrow I will try to go another 3 1/2 days sober. And maybe this time I can make it longer.

Anna

It's good that you know there is more to sobriety than stopping drinking. I had to make some big changes in early recovery too and like you, they were things that I had put off dealing with by drinking. The thing is, you become a prisoner of alcohol and for me, my life became smaller and smaller as I drank.

Have faith that you will be able to do the things that need to be done. You can move forward slowly and make small changes and you will be able to accomplish things.

Notmyrealname

When you sober up there are probably going to be some things that you weren't keeping up on when you were drinking, and it's a drag to think about it. I am still (fifteen months later) playing catch-up on stuff around the house. I managed to get my body back in decent shape, that was a start I guess.

That's not a good reason to drink, though. Your mind will tell you it's a good reason, but that's not rational at all. Tell your mind to shove it, and stay dry.

Work on the sober now, and when you have the sober down pretty good, then is time to start chipping away at that to-do list that looks as long as Santa's list of good little children ..

These are all long-process items, they're not particularly hard on a daily basis but they seem immense all at once -- keep it simple, go with small bites.

kirstensmith

Quitting drinking will put more money in your bank account and also give you more time to focus on you and the things you mentioned. It's a struggle, but you can do it.