am I being selfish?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 4
am I being selfish?
It's been some time since my last post. Just a recap, I'm engaged to a man who is a recovering addict. He was actively using for about half of the time we've
been together.
Anyhow he had surgery the first part of this year and ever since then he's complained of pain. No dr can find anything but finally told him to go to pain management if it's that bad. OK switch over, I've had two failed back surgeries and have put off going into any form of pain management. This was mostly a financial thing. I'm trying to find some kind of work I can still do without horrific pain. He won't work at all now because he hurts too bad. I found out a couple of weeks ago that he has a pain management appointment on Thursday. At over $200 for the office visit I thought he'd cancel. Instead he's found a way to go (his family). I feel utterly unimportant because as soon as he hurts he has to go for help but the 3 years I've been nearly unable to walk haven't mattered. I will not try to talk him out of it now. I just feel like I'll never be a top priority in his life. And he's always been that for me.
Sorry that was so long. What I am hoping is that someone can tell me if I'm being ridiculous and childish or what.
been together.
Anyhow he had surgery the first part of this year and ever since then he's complained of pain. No dr can find anything but finally told him to go to pain management if it's that bad. OK switch over, I've had two failed back surgeries and have put off going into any form of pain management. This was mostly a financial thing. I'm trying to find some kind of work I can still do without horrific pain. He won't work at all now because he hurts too bad. I found out a couple of weeks ago that he has a pain management appointment on Thursday. At over $200 for the office visit I thought he'd cancel. Instead he's found a way to go (his family). I feel utterly unimportant because as soon as he hurts he has to go for help but the 3 years I've been nearly unable to walk haven't mattered. I will not try to talk him out of it now. I just feel like I'll never be a top priority in his life. And he's always been that for me.
Sorry that was so long. What I am hoping is that someone can tell me if I'm being ridiculous and childish or what.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Red, your health and well being is as important as his. That doesn't mean he should suffer because you do, but he should help you get the care you need too, maybe by working at something he can do.
If you are engaged it might be a good idea to not set a date just yet, you both need to get healthier for one thing, and you may need a little time to consider if the way he treats you is the way you want your husband to treat you in the years ahead.
I hope you can look into getting some help for your own pain management. Maybe check in your area and see of there is any kind of assistance available.
Hugs
If you are engaged it might be a good idea to not set a date just yet, you both need to get healthier for one thing, and you may need a little time to consider if the way he treats you is the way you want your husband to treat you in the years ahead.
I hope you can look into getting some help for your own pain management. Maybe check in your area and see of there is any kind of assistance available.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
It's okay to take care of yourself. Maybe if you do the pain management for yourself, you will have more flexibility in the kind of job you can get, which may give you the financial resources to continue with the pain management.
ShootingStar1
ShootingStar1
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by red27 
It's been some time since my last post. Just a recap, I'm engaged to a man who is a recovering addict. He was actively using for about half of the time we've
been together.
Anyhow he had surgery the first part of this year and ever since then he's complained of pain. No dr can find anything but finally told him to go to pain management if it's that bad. OK switch over, I've had two failed back surgeries and have put off going into any form of pain management. This was mostly a financial thing. I'm trying to find some kind of work I can still do without horrific pain. He won't work at all now because he hurts too bad. I found out a couple of weeks ago that he has a pain management appointment on Thursday. At over $200 for the office visit I thought he'd cancel. Instead he's found a way to go (his family). I feel utterly unimportant because as soon as he hurts he has to go for help but the 3 years I've been nearly unable to walk haven't mattered. I will not try to talk him out of it now. I just feel like I'll never be a top priority in his life. And he's always been that for me.
Sorry that was so long. What I am hoping is that someone can tell me if I'm being ridiculous and childish or what.
been together.
Anyhow he had surgery the first part of this year and ever since then he's complained of pain. No dr can find anything but finally told him to go to pain management if it's that bad. OK switch over, I've had two failed back surgeries and have put off going into any form of pain management. This was mostly a financial thing. I'm trying to find some kind of work I can still do without horrific pain. He won't work at all now because he hurts too bad. I found out a couple of weeks ago that he has a pain management appointment on Thursday. At over $200 for the office visit I thought he'd cancel. Instead he's found a way to go (his family). I feel utterly unimportant because as soon as he hurts he has to go for help but the 3 years I've been nearly unable to walk haven't mattered. I will not try to talk him out of it now. I just feel like I'll never be a top priority in his life. And he's always been that for me.
Sorry that was so long. What I am hoping is that someone can tell me if I'm being ridiculous and childish or what.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Um, why aren't you making your own pain management appointments?
I'm confused. If you don't have insurance, I still would think that in 3 years of extreme pain, you could (secretly if necessary) sock away a couple hundred dollars for an urgent medical need. There are also various resources out there for folks without insurance in the US (including healthcare insurance exchange with subsidy based on income).
Not trying to be harsh, but no husband or lover, addict or not, gets to prevent you from going to the doctor if you're in pain. That is one of the most basic self care responsibilities for all of us human beings.
I'm confused. If you don't have insurance, I still would think that in 3 years of extreme pain, you could (secretly if necessary) sock away a couple hundred dollars for an urgent medical need. There are also various resources out there for folks without insurance in the US (including healthcare insurance exchange with subsidy based on income).
Not trying to be harsh, but no husband or lover, addict or not, gets to prevent you from going to the doctor if you're in pain. That is one of the most basic self care responsibilities for all of us human beings.
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