This Is About The Time That People Quit
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
This Is About The Time That People Quit
Things are going pretty good over here. RAH is very dedicated to IOP after doing in patient. He goes to meetings when he isn't doing IOP, he appears to be keeping his side of the street very squeaky clean.
I try really hard to not drag RAH over to my side of the street (I slipped this week after a bad meeting that I went to) and I try to not press him about his side of the street. Things are starting to feel a lot more "normal" around here. Except, I realize that my "normal" is me feeling like RAH is better than I am. I'm back to feeling like I'm the inherently screwed up one and if I let it show too much he's going to catch on to the fact that I married up when I married him.
"Normal" isn't good enough for me anymore. I realize that if I want better than "normal" that I need to keep working on myself. Forever. I'm thinking that a lot of people get to this point and think that they can stop but I want more. I think I deserve better. And there is nothing that RAH can do to make this any different. I'm guessing that this is part of the answer to get me out of step zero tomorrow. This is the definitive answer to my search for a quick fix. Ain't nobody can fix this but me and it's not going to happen quickly or to anyone else but me.
I try really hard to not drag RAH over to my side of the street (I slipped this week after a bad meeting that I went to) and I try to not press him about his side of the street. Things are starting to feel a lot more "normal" around here. Except, I realize that my "normal" is me feeling like RAH is better than I am. I'm back to feeling like I'm the inherently screwed up one and if I let it show too much he's going to catch on to the fact that I married up when I married him.
"Normal" isn't good enough for me anymore. I realize that if I want better than "normal" that I need to keep working on myself. Forever. I'm thinking that a lot of people get to this point and think that they can stop but I want more. I think I deserve better. And there is nothing that RAH can do to make this any different. I'm guessing that this is part of the answer to get me out of step zero tomorrow. This is the definitive answer to my search for a quick fix. Ain't nobody can fix this but me and it's not going to happen quickly or to anyone else but me.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
I think you are a smart girl who tries really hard.
A lot of folks get to an easier place and settle there. The sad reality is that easier place involves trade offs that can wear on you over time.
I am like you in that i want to be my best truest self. That unfortunately means i will alwaysbe challenging myself. Ahhh, a gift and a curse...
A lot of folks get to an easier place and settle there. The sad reality is that easier place involves trade offs that can wear on you over time.
I am like you in that i want to be my best truest self. That unfortunately means i will alwaysbe challenging myself. Ahhh, a gift and a curse...
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Olney, MD
Posts: 268
Yep right there with ya. I am a total raging, churning crazy factory right now while RAH is doing very well.....going to IOP, meetings etc. I wonder if some of it doesn't have to do with the HUGE support system he has and the total LACK of support system I have.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
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Ain't nobody can fix this but me and it's not going to happen quickly or to anyone else but me.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
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Stung, it is not easy being a seeker or a striver. So very often you stand in a group and people are happy not striving for their next thing and I want to shake them.... I don't understand happiness in the moment very well. It is why I meditate.
So you are working your program, you have your own business, you are raising two little girls with food allergies, you have gone NC with your mom, you go to therapy and have cleared out a lot of mental knots, I think you exercise regularly, and you are in acting classes.
That is enough. I'm sure I even missed some stuff!
So you are working your program, you have your own business, you are raising two little girls with food allergies, you have gone NC with your mom, you go to therapy and have cleared out a lot of mental knots, I think you exercise regularly, and you are in acting classes.
That is enough. I'm sure I even missed some stuff!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
I, too, want to keep growing as a person. I try to not think of it as "fixing" or "improving" myself, as that indicates there is something inherently wrong or broken in me. We are all human and we all have struggles. This does not make us defective or any less important than anyone else.
Remember.......you are perfect just as you are, right now, in this moment.
Remember.......you are perfect just as you are, right now, in this moment.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Stung....guess what? This just makes you a part of the human experience.
We all....are on the human journey into the "self". To be and be joyful in just being. Not to a label (screwed up; normal; better than normal). That is just a way of comparing ourselves to others with the symbolism of words.
You are another human on the path of connecting with yourself amid the external circumstances of your physical environment.
I'm just saying......
dandylion
We all....are on the human journey into the "self". To be and be joyful in just being. Not to a label (screwed up; normal; better than normal). That is just a way of comparing ourselves to others with the symbolism of words.
You are another human on the path of connecting with yourself amid the external circumstances of your physical environment.
I'm just saying......
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
Well, I'm finally on step 2. Hooray!
But OMG, RAH has been crazy codependent today. It's like I just want some space from the dude and he's acting like I'm going to divorce him with 30 minutes of space. Our kids are napping, I'm trying to read a book and soak up the silence and then in he walks trying to talk to me again. Argh. Go do something else! I'm busy!
But OMG, RAH has been crazy codependent today. It's like I just want some space from the dude and he's acting like I'm going to divorce him with 30 minutes of space. Our kids are napping, I'm trying to read a book and soak up the silence and then in he walks trying to talk to me again. Argh. Go do something else! I'm busy!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
from The Promises...sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.....
getting better is a lifelong pursuit...it's not a competition, nor are we awarded style points. it can be ugly. we can wander for years in the desert. we can have amazing bursts of revelation and progress.
The AA Promises
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
ourselves
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
Reprinted from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with permission of A.A. World
Services, Inc.
getting better is a lifelong pursuit...it's not a competition, nor are we awarded style points. it can be ugly. we can wander for years in the desert. we can have amazing bursts of revelation and progress.
The AA Promises
1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through.
2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience
can benefit others.
6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
8. Self-seeking will slip away.
9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for
ourselves
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Alcoholics Anonymous p83-84
Reprinted from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous with permission of A.A. World
Services, Inc.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Yeah. I follow that. For me -- "Feeling Pretty Good" happened at about 2 days into Step 4 . . . the first time . . . about 3-1/2 years ago.
Things were better, who needed this stuff?
hmmm. Turns out we-do.
It is Looooonnnnngggg Fall back down to the basement.
Things were better, who needed this stuff?
hmmm. Turns out we-do.
It is Looooonnnnngggg Fall back down to the basement.
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