Tough Time and Anger Issues
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Tough Time and Anger Issues
I'm at a loss right now, and can't talk to anyone about this but you guys quite frankly.
My bf/fiancé (we're in flux right now) had anger issues that he's been dealing with weekly with an AWESOME therapist, and I'm so proud of him for taking charge of this problem.
This morning I woke up to a wet bed and at first figured one if the dogs did it, as they sleep with us most nights. I woke him up to alert him of this, and found that his boxers were soaked and he started crying and PUNCHING HIMSELF IN THE HEAD. He then told me that for some reason he found out where my abusive ex boyfriend lives (he pushed me out of a moving car on the highway, among other things). I don't know where this came from at all.
He came home from work last night totally fine, albeit slightly tipsy (he works as the sound guy at a night club). This morning, he seemed TOTALLY wasted. Slurring his words, crying, PUNCHING HIMSELF.
I'm dealing with my own family issues right now, I don't know what to do. I've never seen him this stressed out or desperate. I'm thinking of calling his parents.
My bf/fiancé (we're in flux right now) had anger issues that he's been dealing with weekly with an AWESOME therapist, and I'm so proud of him for taking charge of this problem.
This morning I woke up to a wet bed and at first figured one if the dogs did it, as they sleep with us most nights. I woke him up to alert him of this, and found that his boxers were soaked and he started crying and PUNCHING HIMSELF IN THE HEAD. He then told me that for some reason he found out where my abusive ex boyfriend lives (he pushed me out of a moving car on the highway, among other things). I don't know where this came from at all.
He came home from work last night totally fine, albeit slightly tipsy (he works as the sound guy at a night club). This morning, he seemed TOTALLY wasted. Slurring his words, crying, PUNCHING HIMSELF.
I'm dealing with my own family issues right now, I don't know what to do. I've never seen him this stressed out or desperate. I'm thinking of calling his parents.
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Maybe he has bipolar disorder? I don't know. But this hasn't been uncommon where he's been calm and collected one moment and then outlandishly unreasonable the next. I'm very worried about him, this has absolutely been the tipping point.
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I'm gonna try that when he wakes up. I told him to rest up as much as he can before work, so he's asleep now.
I think a big part of the problem is the music scene he was brought up in. In *hardcore*, you pretty much beat up people that do you wrong. Personally, I'm absolutely disgusted by this and have told him that if I EVER find out he's hurt someone, we're done.
The only thing I can think of that night have happened was that he talked to his therapist about my ex, ran into a mutual friend, and it went from there.
I'll find out more when he wakes up, I'm just heartbroken that he's hurting so much and also furious that he would bring this scumbag back into my life!
I think a big part of the problem is the music scene he was brought up in. In *hardcore*, you pretty much beat up people that do you wrong. Personally, I'm absolutely disgusted by this and have told him that if I EVER find out he's hurt someone, we're done.
The only thing I can think of that night have happened was that he talked to his therapist about my ex, ran into a mutual friend, and it went from there.
I'll find out more when he wakes up, I'm just heartbroken that he's hurting so much and also furious that he would bring this scumbag back into my life!
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What happened between you and your ex is none of your current boyfriend's business. The fact that he's letting something that happened between you and your ex affect him to that extent is....beyond words.
Profound jelousy issues. Jelousy is a cancer that will eat away at a relationship. This alone would be enough for me to drop someone. I can't stand jelousy, it screams out 'I own you, you're my possession'. It's suffocating...
However, it goes beyond that with him doesn't it? He's lost control and he's hitting himself? How do you know that he's not using all his self-control not to lash out at you? what if he secretly blames you for what your ex done to you? You chose your ex. He's mentally unstable and not capable of being in a normal relationship. You don't know what little devils are running around his head.
Did he display this behaviour at the start of the relationship?
Are you together long?
Profound jelousy issues. Jelousy is a cancer that will eat away at a relationship. This alone would be enough for me to drop someone. I can't stand jelousy, it screams out 'I own you, you're my possession'. It's suffocating...
However, it goes beyond that with him doesn't it? He's lost control and he's hitting himself? How do you know that he's not using all his self-control not to lash out at you? what if he secretly blames you for what your ex done to you? You chose your ex. He's mentally unstable and not capable of being in a normal relationship. You don't know what little devils are running around his head.
Did he display this behaviour at the start of the relationship?
Are you together long?
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We've been together for a year and he's always showed aggressive tendencies (again, I know his history with the HC scene) but his aggression here isn't so much controlling as it is he feels that someone has hurt me in the past and they therefore also deserve to hurt. Again, I do not in ANY way approve of this mindset or behavior.
He's awake now and we got into another fight, but I think it's because he's hungover and embarrassed. Honna go talk to him now.
He's awake now and we got into another fight, but I think it's because he's hungover and embarrassed. Honna go talk to him now.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
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So there was probably red flags there from day one but you chose to overlook them. You wouldn't be alone in that. People can rush in and get involved too quickly and then objectivity is lost.....and then we start to rationalise our partner's bad behaviour because...we're attached...and sucked in.
If you were single now....and somebody asked you to write down what qualities you would look for in a potential partner...to make a list...what qualities would you write down? (keep it to yourself if you want)
Would aggressivity be one of the qualities?
Would profound jelousy be on the list?
Are the qualities mostly internal characteristics or physical attributes?
As I'm sure you know it's the internal characteristics that will predict a person's future behaviour. If somebody has no integrity for example it's more likely that they'll cheat....nothing to do with trust, only their belief system.
Can you predict your boyfriend's future behaviour when you examine what makes him tick? Although his current behaviour is a big clue to his future behaviour...
Does it match what you want from your list?
He doesn't sound too well. I would start detaching mentally now.
He's awake now and we got into another fight, but I think it's because he's hungover and embarrassed. Honna go talk to him now.
Your rationalising his behaviour.
If you were single now....and somebody asked you to write down what qualities you would look for in a potential partner...to make a list...what qualities would you write down? (keep it to yourself if you want)
Would aggressivity be one of the qualities?
Would profound jelousy be on the list?
Are the qualities mostly internal characteristics or physical attributes?
As I'm sure you know it's the internal characteristics that will predict a person's future behaviour. If somebody has no integrity for example it's more likely that they'll cheat....nothing to do with trust, only their belief system.
Can you predict your boyfriend's future behaviour when you examine what makes him tick? Although his current behaviour is a big clue to his future behaviour...
Does it match what you want from your list?
He doesn't sound too well. I would start detaching mentally now.
He's awake now and we got into another fight, but I think it's because he's hungover and embarrassed. Honna go talk to him now.
Your rationalising his behaviour.
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