Similar story, I am sober, husband isn't
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Similar story, I am sober, husband isn't
Seems I am in a situation similar to many here. I am almost 30 days sober. My husband continues to drink every night. Between 4-6 beers. He has even asked me to pick it up at the store when I am shopping. I have met this request.
His drinking is not a trigger for me. I honestly have no desire to pick up. I don't have issues opening the fridge and seeing it. BUT, I am righteously pissed off with him. I worry about his health, him not achieving personal goals, etc. He is a great dad to the kids, but could be so much more in other arenas. And sleeping next to a boozy, sweaty person sucks.
Only he can decide to stop, but in the meantime, my resentment and concern is growing. I know where this train heads.
Not sure of my point really. . .just putting it out there.
His drinking is not a trigger for me. I honestly have no desire to pick up. I don't have issues opening the fridge and seeing it. BUT, I am righteously pissed off with him. I worry about his health, him not achieving personal goals, etc. He is a great dad to the kids, but could be so much more in other arenas. And sleeping next to a boozy, sweaty person sucks.
Only he can decide to stop, but in the meantime, my resentment and concern is growing. I know where this train heads.
Not sure of my point really. . .just putting it out there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,226
Originally Posted by sprout50 
Have you talked tto him about it at all? If nothing else, you can at least vent here.
I have to think he is concerned that I am concerned. He is a loving, generous person. That is one of the reasons I want him to stop. Those character traits are in jeopardy if he continues.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
You are right-he has to want to stop on his own. I just didn't know if you talked tto him about it or talked about your own sobriety with him. Hopefully, he will come around soon.
Until then, congrats on 30 days! It's quite a feat being around alcohol and not drinking.
Until then, congrats on 30 days! It's quite a feat being around alcohol and not drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Congratulaltion on 30 days sober, that is amazing.
I'm sorry how things are with your husband, I know when I was told to stop drinking I dug my drunken heels in more. My back was up constantly!
He has to come to his own realisation, no amount of your love, hope or living on a prayer can change that.
I hope things get better.
Leigh x
I'm sorry how things are with your husband, I know when I was told to stop drinking I dug my drunken heels in more. My back was up constantly!
He has to come to his own realisation, no amount of your love, hope or living on a prayer can change that.
I hope things get better.
Leigh x
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
TOTALLY relate. EXACTLY the same scenario at my house.
My AH got sober 1.5 years after I did. So for a year and a half, I had to deal. My sponsor told me to disengage and focus on my sobriety work. She also said that a justified resentment blocks me just like an unjustified one. The steps relieved me of those resentments. I need to worry about MY side of the street. Once AH saw how amazing my life was becoming, he wanted in.
Our marriage is so different now. I am married to my best friend and he has his own program. It's pretty amazing.
My AH got sober 1.5 years after I did. So for a year and a half, I had to deal. My sponsor told me to disengage and focus on my sobriety work. She also said that a justified resentment blocks me just like an unjustified one. The steps relieved me of those resentments. I need to worry about MY side of the street. Once AH saw how amazing my life was becoming, he wanted in.
Our marriage is so different now. I am married to my best friend and he has his own program. It's pretty amazing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
30 Days is fantastic!! Keep it going!! 
Yeah it's a tough one, seeing things from both sides of the coin, but at least that appreciation that he must make a personal choice may bring some peace, rather than trying to force him to change with zero results to show for it!!
As others have mentioned maybe you'll open his eyes and pose a few difficult questions in his own mind, that could maybe lead to something in the future!!
Hang in there!!
Yeah it's a tough one, seeing things from both sides of the coin, but at least that appreciation that he must make a personal choice may bring some peace, rather than trying to force him to change with zero results to show for it!!
As others have mentioned maybe you'll open his eyes and pose a few difficult questions in his own mind, that could maybe lead to something in the future!!
Hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
my spouse still has a beer. she didn't bring it around when I was in "the hab". I felt like it would be absolutely ridiculous to expect her to stop cause I flamed out, dramatically, all on my own.
she has checked in several times to see what im comfortable with. I answer honestly. the beer in the fridge is not a trigger for me. (its not enough to get the job done right, anyway. LOL!)
I do not go fetch it, though. and she doesn't want me to. that's respectful, I think.
lucky guy, I guess.
I hope you guys figure that one out.
she has checked in several times to see what im comfortable with. I answer honestly. the beer in the fridge is not a trigger for me. (its not enough to get the job done right, anyway. LOL!)
I do not go fetch it, though. and she doesn't want me to. that's respectful, I think.
lucky guy, I guess.
I hope you guys figure that one out.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Knoxville, tn
Posts: 45
Congratulations on your 30 days. I am in the same boat. Am on day 61 and my husband who has drank for 50 years gets mad at me because I am remaining on my journey to get sober. His age and drinking as he does concerns me. He is an abusive alcoholic so in my daily battle to remain sober my biggest obstacle is his not understanding I had to quit due to health reasons. I just continue to fall down on my knees and ask for God's grace and strength for him and myself. He has to take his own journey and I mine. Hang in there. Good wishes coming your way.
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