New to Sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 13
New to Sobriety
Hello SR fellows,
I am new to recovery and had 18 days under my belt when I decided it was a good idea to grab a bottle of wine last nite after an AA meeting! What a terrible mistake that was! As you all know, that little voice in my head became a scream and I couldn't ignore it any longer! I was feeling so good and strong these past 2 weeks and BAM I ruined it! My husband is disappointed in me, and I'm utterly speechless in that regard. I can't look at myself in the mirror - I'm so disgusted. I feel like I should just crawl in a hole to die, since I'm no good to anyone anymore - and just a big disappointment to everyone around me. I'm grateful for this site and having the opportunity to express myself and gain better understanding of this impervious addiction.
Thank you for being here.
I'm SoberToday
I am new to recovery and had 18 days under my belt when I decided it was a good idea to grab a bottle of wine last nite after an AA meeting! What a terrible mistake that was! As you all know, that little voice in my head became a scream and I couldn't ignore it any longer! I was feeling so good and strong these past 2 weeks and BAM I ruined it! My husband is disappointed in me, and I'm utterly speechless in that regard. I can't look at myself in the mirror - I'm so disgusted. I feel like I should just crawl in a hole to die, since I'm no good to anyone anymore - and just a big disappointment to everyone around me. I'm grateful for this site and having the opportunity to express myself and gain better understanding of this impervious addiction.
Thank you for being here.
I'm SoberToday
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 167
Welcome Sobertoday - you are in good company here. 2 weeks is great! Sorry you had a bad night , but today is a great day to start over and I am sure you will feel much better about yourself tomorrow. I am on Day 4 and have found so much support here!! Don't beat yourself up - just keep moving forward!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,471
Sobertoday, I think one of the worst things about alcoholism is that it robs us of any self-respect that we had. I'm sorry you're feeling so down, but it's great that you're back and working on recovery.
Can you come up with a plan so that will not happen again?
Can you come up with a plan so that will not happen again?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
Welcome, Sobertoday; you have found a great place for support and encouragement.
(Just a suggestion - maybe leave your cash and credit card at home before you leave for the AA meeting?).
Again, welcome; glad you found SR.
(Just a suggestion - maybe leave your cash and credit card at home before you leave for the AA meeting?).
Again, welcome; glad you found SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: South Shore, MA
Posts: 348
Hi sober today! You are back and that matters. Take it all in today, the hangover, shame, guilt, pain....use it as your fuel to go forward. Every step from now on will be AWAY from that and TOWaRDS something better!!!!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Hi SoberToday, Glad your here!
Did you get sponsor and work step one/two???
Good News! The addiction is not impervious, many on here have smashed it and cast out it out - for TODAY!
I am not being unfeeling, but self pity is what kept many here on SR (me) drinking. Get up, start again and change what went wrong.
Glad you are with us SR and AA are a daily double that has got me through to this point of 109 days.....You can do this!!
peace
Did you get sponsor and work step one/two???
Good News! The addiction is not impervious, many on here have smashed it and cast out it out - for TODAY!
I am not being unfeeling, but self pity is what kept many here on SR (me) drinking. Get up, start again and change what went wrong.
Glad you are with us SR and AA are a daily double that has got me through to this point of 109 days.....You can do this!!
peace
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
It's gotta feel extra-crappy, falling to the voice after a meeting.
There's a saying about that... something about there's nothing more miserable than having a head full of AA and a belly full of booze....
But listen, you had a good run, you've made some headway, you've learned some things; not the least of which being how CUNNING, BAFFLING and POWERFUL it really is.
And it's not the alcohol really... it's your own inner addict that is cunning, baffling and powerful.
Don't fear though.... you can overcome it. This is an experience that MANY of us are all too familiar with. The coming-to-terms process and finally admitting to ourselves fully that we are better off choosing sobriety is different for us all, but relapses and giving in to the voice are part of that process more often than not.
Now; forgive yourself. Recognize that this happens. Resolve that it will make you stronger this time. Dig in, and keep going.
It gets better, I promise.
There's a saying about that... something about there's nothing more miserable than having a head full of AA and a belly full of booze....
But listen, you had a good run, you've made some headway, you've learned some things; not the least of which being how CUNNING, BAFFLING and POWERFUL it really is.
And it's not the alcohol really... it's your own inner addict that is cunning, baffling and powerful.
Don't fear though.... you can overcome it. This is an experience that MANY of us are all too familiar with. The coming-to-terms process and finally admitting to ourselves fully that we are better off choosing sobriety is different for us all, but relapses and giving in to the voice are part of that process more often than not.
Now; forgive yourself. Recognize that this happens. Resolve that it will make you stronger this time. Dig in, and keep going.
It gets better, I promise.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Anna 
Sobertoday, I think one of the worst things about alcoholism is that it robs us of any self-respect that we had. I'm sorry you're feeling so down, but it's great that you're back and working on recovery.
Can you come up with a plan so that will not happen again?
Can you come up with a plan so that will not happen again?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: East Coast of the US
Posts: 283
Yeah, your AV wants you to hate yourself, because then you'll think you're not worth fighting for and it'll be that much easier to pick up another drink.
But your AV is wrong, you are worth A LOT, and good on you for coming here and joining! There's a lot of support and great advice.
But your AV is wrong, you are worth A LOT, and good on you for coming here and joining! There's a lot of support and great advice.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Absolutely no point in beating yourself up Sobertoday2014 - that only brings you closer to drinking again.
You erred - many of us faltered a time or two.
Think about ways to deal with that screaming AV next time...build up your support base so you have people to call, or drop in here
you can do this - you just need to tweak a few things.
Welcome aboard
D
You erred - many of us faltered a time or two.
Think about ways to deal with that screaming AV next time...build up your support base so you have people to call, or drop in here
you can do this - you just need to tweak a few things.
Welcome aboard
D
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