interrupted

Hope everything is going okay. He must have found out by now, let us know how you're doing. Stay strong, we're walking with you.

Yogagurl

I got very choked up with joy and tears when I got online and saw thread that you started, Interrupted. It makes me feel so good to know that someone is thinking of me in this time and that someone is out there who understands, I mean really understands, the pain of going through the other end of addiction and the disease of co-dependency. Thank you so much for giving me comfort with your thoughts.

My AH arrived home on Tuesday morning to find my things gone and, at first, was very sorry for his actions. I left a note explaining that I could not suffer his addiction and abuse any more. At first, it seemed like he understood. I am still safe and he still has no idea where I am. He hasn’t even asked. The only kind of communication we have had is through text and I only have responded when the question was about the house he is currently living in. He is very concerned about getting his dog back, but I’m afraid to give the dog back. My AH has threatened to call the authorities and claims it’s a felony for me to have the dog, which I know is BS.

I knew the apologies would only last so long before he started getting nasty. This morning, he started getting nasty. I simply will not reply to his pleas of forgiveness and I’m not entertaining his ploys of self-pity. I hear, “I can’t believe you did this to us, I’m tired of getting sh*% on, you left me when I was hurting the most, I think I’m going to do something bad,” etc. I am not responding because I know it’s just a matter of time before he changes his tune.

I have consulted an attorney who advised that if he tries to come to my home to simply call the police and report him as trespassing. I am sticking to my guns with as little contact as humanly possible and am going to wait to turn off his phone until I know he is out of the house.
I’m open to words of wisdom, experiences, anything that you all would like to share about the roller coaster of leaving an addict??? What can I expect ahead of me? Any advice on how to handle potential problems that may arise in the future?

Also - I would not have been able to make it out of this toxic relationship without the help of sober recovery and all the people on here who have been contributing to my journey. I am grateful in such a way that I can’t even to begin to express my gratitude. God bless you all.

zoso77

Assume and prepare for the worst. Keep a log of any interactions you may have with him from this time forward, big and small. Dates, times, locations, the works.

If he shows up at where you're living, call the cops. If he continues to persist, take out a RO.

He will vacillate from "I'm sorry" to playing the victim at warp speed. Don't be surprised by any of it. He will not under any circumstances accept any responsibility for anything he does or doesn't do.

In short, YG, don't play any f**kin' games with him. You know what it is your dealing with. If he steps out of line, show no quarter.

interrupted

I'm so glad to hear things are okay! Hey, it's all relative, right? It will get easier as time passes. I agree with Zoso, keep records of everything. Also, if you have paid vet bills, those count if there should ever be an official investigation into who gets the dog. The person that took care of the dog and can demonstrate regular vet visits and dog food purchases, etc. over time is generally considered the owner, even if they weren't necessarily the one that originally purchased the pet. And we all know how awesome our qualifiers are about keeping up with vet visits and taking care of things around the house.

I expect he'll go through a whole spectrum of attempts as he realizes that his usual games aren't working. Sobbing, crying, yelling, accusing, threatening, guilting, berating, and on and on and on. Stay strong, and stay safe! You're doing the right thing.

hopeful4

I've been thinking about you too!! Soo glad to hear you are ok. I would not respond to anything, change your number or block him if need be. Do just what was recommended, if he shows up call the police.

For myself, it went in cycles. My X and I have children, so we had to be in contact. It went from begging to anger, back again and back again. I just let it slide right off my back. I see everything that comes out of his mouth for what it is, a huge quack.

Expect him to tell you how great he is doing, even though you can see he isn't. Then expect him to tell you how horrible he is doing and that it is all your fault, even though it isn't.

Just keep moving forward. I would not turn over the dog unless the police come with an order, we both know how likely that is...not.

Hugs. Keep us posted!!!!

Yogagurl

Thank you for the thoughts and posts and feedback and advice and support!!! I am SO happy in my new home. My pets are SO happy in our new home. The energy is awesome. It is peaceful and I don't have anxiety about coming home. The only thing I have weighing on my mind is the financial aspect, which I'm capable of, but it's going to be tight. I just keep trusting that my HP will reveal good things to me in light of the decision I have made. And I no longer feel guilty about the move; I feel this might actually save his life. I will only prolong the inevitable by staying with him and allowing him to use me as a resource to get high. I get it now. All of it.

Ann

If you haven't already, please get legal advice so you know your rights and how to enforce them if challenged.

I'm glad you are safely away from there, and glad the dog is too.

Hugs