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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: West Edmeston
Posts: 2
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Hi and I'm grateful to be sober today. I've been in recovery from addictions for 23 years. I'm married, one year today, to a man who I fell in love with who is incarcerated. I met him through my son who is also incarcerated when I volunteered to lead my son's religious group in a family religious program. I have recently found out that my husband of one year is a dry drunk, who is fighting tooth and nail against completing an alcohol and drug addictions rehab program ,which is required for him to complete by the time his parole board hearing is held on November 14th. He was suspended for 30 days for a poor attitude and is resisting going back with no change in his attitude. He yells at me on the phone anymore and threatens divorce when I try to talk to him in response to his anger and denial. I am now realizing that I am powerless despite our agreement to work together in our marriage to get him ready for the parole board, no amount of anything I do can make him do this. He's not using but not ready to admit he's an addict. And I have no control over the board decision, for sure. Unfortunately, the odds are already against us and this is making it very difficult to see any brightness in our relationship. I'm tired of fighting and ready to walk away and let him do whatever he will do.
I'm going back to Al-Anon meetings, which actually had brought me into sobriety years ago
. So I'm a triple winner, I guess..in NA, AA, and now Al-Anon.
Thanks for adding me to this site.
ODATgrl
I'm going back to Al-Anon meetings, which actually had brought me into sobriety years ago
. So I'm a triple winner, I guess..in NA, AA, and now Al-Anon. Thanks for adding me to this site.
ODATgrl
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Good to meet you, Odatgrl. Sounds like you're in a tough situation--your husband seems to be shooting himself in the foot. Take a look around the site--there's a Friends and Family section that is super-helpful.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 12
It's a terrible thing to see someone you love struggle and suffer. Nothing you do or say can make them embrace recovery or even think it's an option. Surrendering control over something you never really had control over is a pretty intimidating prospect. You have to finally come to terms with knowing you just can't be you and have that substance too.
But, you can still love him. I've come to the conclusion that loving someone doesn't mean doing for them or softening the blow. Really loving someone is telling them that even when it hurts and especially when it's hard, you will be there beside them and help them do those hard things because the journey is so very important.
All the best to you while you move forward.
But, you can still love him. I've come to the conclusion that loving someone doesn't mean doing for them or softening the blow. Really loving someone is telling them that even when it hurts and especially when it's hard, you will be there beside them and help them do those hard things because the journey is so very important.
All the best to you while you move forward.
Do take a look at the friends and family forum. Lots of experience and good advice there from people who understand. 
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