Day 4 - RAH comes home from rehab tonite
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Day 4 - RAH comes home from rehab tonite
Sooo...yesterday was tough. I was all over the place with anxiety, sadness, anger and annoyance. RAH and I have been married for 25 years - have two kids (8 and 11) and are high school sweethearts. We've also been drinking and partying buddies for that long - we obviously had a lot of party time before having kids. Over the past few years he surpassed me and I struggled with trying to manage everything - including my own sanity.
He has been sober for 29 days however he hasn't been here dealing with the reality of our life and I have. While I know it will be easier for me to continue not drinking without him doing it I am also very anxious about his 'expectations' of me. He has a tendency to be very zealous - as he is now with his new eating and workout routine (easy to do when someone else is cooking for you and you have nothing to do but focus on yourself). He also has a habit of telling me that "WE" need to work on this or that or do this or that - usually that means I need to make it happen.
On SR I have chosen to post more in the alcoholics forum as the Family forum seems to have more stories of people leaving their spouses or needing to leave due to abuse, etc - things that thankfully aren't present in our relationship. It didn't seem to right place for me. That said as far as meetings I've chosen to go to Al-Anon as I think my issues with drinking are more related to co-dependence, enabling and sometimes rebellion directed toward him.
I do miss him, I love him and I want him to come home. I'm tired of doing everything myself - especially for the past month. Although being sober this past few days and even the decrease in my drinking since he left has made it easier. I'm also very nervous about him 'running me over' or trying to drag me along on whatever new train he's on. That's when I get rebellious and stupid.
I did discuss all this with my therapist yesterday and she gave me some good ideas on communication and boundaries. I have a lot of work to do to find myself again and I want to be able to assert myself without knocking him down.
Just seems light a bit of a tightrope to walk. I know it will take time and that we will have to deal with each day's challenges as they come. I just needed to get all that off my chest.
Now I'm off to the grocery store. And instead of obsessing about finishing cleaning the house I'm going to make myself feel pretty before picking him up this evening at the airport.
Hope you all have a blessed and sober day. Thanks for 'listening' to my rant.
He has been sober for 29 days however he hasn't been here dealing with the reality of our life and I have. While I know it will be easier for me to continue not drinking without him doing it I am also very anxious about his 'expectations' of me. He has a tendency to be very zealous - as he is now with his new eating and workout routine (easy to do when someone else is cooking for you and you have nothing to do but focus on yourself). He also has a habit of telling me that "WE" need to work on this or that or do this or that - usually that means I need to make it happen.
On SR I have chosen to post more in the alcoholics forum as the Family forum seems to have more stories of people leaving their spouses or needing to leave due to abuse, etc - things that thankfully aren't present in our relationship. It didn't seem to right place for me. That said as far as meetings I've chosen to go to Al-Anon as I think my issues with drinking are more related to co-dependence, enabling and sometimes rebellion directed toward him.
I do miss him, I love him and I want him to come home. I'm tired of doing everything myself - especially for the past month. Although being sober this past few days and even the decrease in my drinking since he left has made it easier. I'm also very nervous about him 'running me over' or trying to drag me along on whatever new train he's on. That's when I get rebellious and stupid.
I did discuss all this with my therapist yesterday and she gave me some good ideas on communication and boundaries. I have a lot of work to do to find myself again and I want to be able to assert myself without knocking him down.
Just seems light a bit of a tightrope to walk. I know it will take time and that we will have to deal with each day's challenges as they come. I just needed to get all that off my chest.
Now I'm off to the grocery store. And instead of obsessing about finishing cleaning the house I'm going to make myself feel pretty before picking him up this evening at the airport.
Hope you all have a blessed and sober day. Thanks for 'listening' to my rant.
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