marblack

I am so emotionally tired. My ex-b.f has announced he is going sober. He sees what his drinking has caused him. His family, his home. Just a few days ago he told me he was working on his sobriety. Then one of his family members found him drunk. He told me yesterday, he went home and found a bottle of brandy. He thought to himself he could consume it then he thought what it had caused him. He cracked it and poured it out. This isn't the first time he has been sober. He wants me to give this relationship a 90 day trial run. To me this sounds so far out there. I feel like I have been strapped to a emotional rollercoaster. And I cann't get off. I know who he is capable of being. I cann't go back to our lifestyle, it contains to much pain for me. I allowed him to abuse me (mentallly Verbally physically.) For years I took it. To him I feel he thinks it wasn't that big of an ordeal. Its a big thing to me. I would come home from working. He would have drank himself into the beast and I would have to plan a escape route for me and the kids. I would take the kids out of the house for dinner and Target. Hoping he would be passed out upon our return. He got hauled to detox (second time in 2 months) last week. I called the cops after he hit me. Once again he was the drunken beast. I have a restraining order going into effect. To protect him from picking the baby up at daycare. I do feel bad for him.I feel me being on my own is my safety. Its my safe place being away from him. Then he comes crying to me. Announces he has been sober for 2 days. I feel guilty for not buying it this time. My heart is harden for him. I used to really love him..and just wanted to fix his life. I have came to realize after 4 years I cann't fix him. I have stopped enabling him. I am surprised how I have pulled back from him. Has anyone been thru this?????? If you have could you please share your ordeal. How should I handle situation? Thanks for being there Friends. Mary