glad to be here
glad to be here
Hello- this is my first posting. Thank you to anyone who is reading this. I'm glad to be here. I have been with my AH for 4 years, and have been struggling with his alcoholism for the last two. It has gotten especially bad in the last few months. On Saturday I asked him not to come home...not the first time I have asked him that. But I am really to the point that I am so over it. So exhausted. He got a room at a motel for Saturday and Sunday, though he showed up both nights very drunk and squeezed through the doggie door. THe second night he was very scary. He came up to our room and laid down with our babies and me, and went on for about 30 minutes about how horrible I am, what a bad mother, forgot all about him since we had kids, it's all my fault he drinks, blah blah blah (all I have heard before many times) But this time what was different is that he was making threats to kill me. Saying he would make sure tonight is the last night I have, he will kill me in my sleep, burn my parents' house down. Really scary. I would like to say I know that it was just drunk talk and I know he would never actually do anything like that, but I just really don't know, and know I have to protect myself and my children.
Doggie door is closed up now. And last night he called me from the house of a girl that he has cheated on me with, which is 20 miles away, asking me to come pick him up. She took his car keys and he needs to leave, will I please come get him. "No F***ing way." Then about 30 minutes later he calls saying he has run out of gas. He got the keys from her and tried to come home, but ran out of gas. Again, I say no, but now I am fighting my feelings of guilt, and wondering whether I should call to her house, just to make sure he made it back there. I have called his phone, but he has no service there, so I am assuming he walked back there, or had her come pick him up. But my fear is that he wandered out into the woods or something and is going through withdrawals. Should I call and talk to his girlfriend, or whatever she is, or should I let it go?
Doggie door is closed up now. And last night he called me from the house of a girl that he has cheated on me with, which is 20 miles away, asking me to come pick him up. She took his car keys and he needs to leave, will I please come get him. "No F***ing way." Then about 30 minutes later he calls saying he has run out of gas. He got the keys from her and tried to come home, but ran out of gas. Again, I say no, but now I am fighting my feelings of guilt, and wondering whether I should call to her house, just to make sure he made it back there. I have called his phone, but he has no service there, so I am assuming he walked back there, or had her come pick him up. But my fear is that he wandered out into the woods or something and is going through withdrawals. Should I call and talk to his girlfriend, or whatever she is, or should I let it go?
Welcome, kboys. I am very sorry that you are experiencing all of this.
It does sound as though you need to involve the authorities - have a protective order issued for your safety and that of your children.
Again, welcome.
It does sound as though you need to involve the authorities - have a protective order issued for your safety and that of your children.
Again, welcome.
Thank you. I have looked into getting a protective order. And I plan to call the police the next time he tries to come home or break in. My fear is that I will give in again the next time he's sober and apologizes, like I always do. Because there really is a great man in there when he's sober, and I love being with him when he's sober. However, I have no more hope that the sobriety will last. How do I stay strong and not give in again the next time?
I made the decision to not call the girlfriend's house, which I'm really glad I did. Called his phone though, and it rang through, so I know he's back in service area, so he must be alive. Why do I care so much, after everything he has put me through?
I made the decision to not call the girlfriend's house, which I'm really glad I did. Called his phone though, and it rang through, so I know he's back in service area, so he must be alive. Why do I care so much, after everything he has put me through?
You care because he is your husband and father of your kids and I am sure you had good times together.
At some point in the future, you decide when, you need to sit down with him and talk to him about that night. Make sure he isnt drinking, maybe get his favorite non alcoholic drink for him. He needs to know what he did is NOT ok for your safety and most importantly your kids safety. And if he cant do that, then maybe it is time for him to spend more time away from home. He needs to know his actions are not welcome.
At some point in the future, you decide when, you need to sit down with him and talk to him about that night. Make sure he isnt drinking, maybe get his favorite non alcoholic drink for him. He needs to know what he did is NOT ok for your safety and most importantly your kids safety. And if he cant do that, then maybe it is time for him to spend more time away from home. He needs to know his actions are not welcome.
First, you need to protect yourself and your kids. He has to be the one to change his own behavior-you can't. My suggestion would be the order of protection and to stop calling him. Calling him while he is still drinking is only going to encourage him to come over. If you keep giving in, he has no reason to get sober.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I SO AGREE with the other posters! Please, please protect yourself and your babies. Make sure that you go to the authorities-that you tell other trusted people what is going on. Make a plan for your safety and the children's if he were to come in the middle of the night or whatever. Take this very seriously. As others have said, if he gets help and gets sober, OVER TIME you may be able to sit down and have a rational talk to discuss your POSSIBLE future. That is a long ways off and you are so needed for your children. JUST TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Hi Kboys - I agree with the other posters here. If you fear for you and your childrens safety then the course of action should be clear.
as for did he make it home safely or not - absolutely not your responsibility. Little things like that can and are used to manipulate you and keep a bond going.
No contact sounds really good to me for you right now.
Do check out our Family and Friends forums too
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
as for did he make it home safely or not - absolutely not your responsibility. Little things like that can and are used to manipulate you and keep a bond going.
No contact sounds really good to me for you right now.
Do check out our Family and Friends forums too
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Hope all goes well with you and your babies. But just to be on the safe side until he gets help you should get a restraining order have something on paper that you are seeking help from his dangerous ways
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)