luvmygirls

I posted that yesterday was my first AA meeting in 6 years (I went the last time I tried to quit, which only lasted 8 months). Although I realize that I was not ready to quit back then, and believe I am ready now, the AA meeting brought up all the feelings from the last time. I didn't feel like I could relate to people's stories. Intellectually, I am WELL aware that just because I haven't lost my family, embarrased myself publicly, lost my job, got a DUI, etc., it is very much a YET, and because I am an alcoholic, the progressive nature of this disease will get me eventually. I've heard from several people that one of the elements of denial in early sobriety is to focus on the differences between my experiences and those of others, rather than the commonalities. But again, that is intellectually. I am not feeling it emotionally. Today is only Day 7 without drinking, and last night was my worst night yet. I think I was hoping that AA would inspire me, but instead, it somehow made me feel more alone.

Thanks for listening. Should I keep going and hope it clicks, or try something else?

Cascabel

I suggest you explore some of the alternatives to AA. AA is great for those who can accept its basic premises but not so great for those who have problems with the "higher power" and "surrender" side of it. Check out AVRT, SMART-recovery and RR for a different approach to sobriety. I gave AA a try on several occasions but found that the general atmosphere "in the room" increased my urge to drink rather than decreasing it. But, that's just me.

luvmygirls

Thanks, Cascabel! I am coming around to the idea of the higher power, but I think the atmosphere in the room is what turned me off. I will look into the other methods you suggested. Congratulations on your sobriety!!! :-)

anattaboy

Josh you're not alone if you are posting here. Most days I make it just checking in here but did go to some meetings in the beginning. Whatever works as long as it's not drinking--lotsa good ideas here and caring folks who want to see you succeed (and you are winning btw). Try another meeting or go back after the rawness wears off a little or not. Folks there are doing the same thing we are here.

PaperDolls

Hey josharon - I can understand how you're feeling. All I can say is it will get better. I know, I know, everyone says that .... but that really was my experience.

I was really anti-AA, probably mostly because I didn't want to quit drinking nor did I want to work that hard. It seemed everyone around me was just happy and didn't have to work at it. I was angry.

There are plenty of people in AA who's story I can't relate with BUT I can relate with how everyone felt. Whether they ended up homeless in a park or in prison or losing a job we all have that one thing in common ..... the way we felt about ourselves and that we could not drink like normal people and we struggled to quit. I have to focus on that.

My suggestion is to find someone whom you do relate with and ask them to be your sponsor. For me, the changes came when I started working the steps.

You can do this!

tomsteve

doo you have a copy of the big book or read it? I would suggest reading the first 164 pages of it. plus I would suggest to keep going back.
when you learned to walk, did you stop trying just because it wasn't working right off the get go?
when you learned to read did you give up because it wasn't clicking right off?

im sure in Dc there is a huge amount of meetings. ya may want to look for beginners or big book study meetings

Meeting Search | Washington Area Intergroup Association


don't quit 10 seconds before the miracle happens

BadCompany

We tend to do that in more than just AA settings and it just transfers there too. We organize and categorize the whole world around us, based on how others are different form us, until we are left in one tiny circle where we exist all alone.
You belong there more than anywhere else on the planet.

luvmygirls

I do have the Big Book and I've read about 95 pages of it so far. I connected with the book, so I will continue to read it. I found a temporary online sponsor and we've emailed back and forth some, but I get most of my support from here because it usually takes her a day or two to respond to me (not fast enough). ;-)

I plan to try some more meetings. Thank you to anattaboy and PaperDolls for understanding why I may have some trepedation; I don't want to give up without giving it a chance, but I also don't want to inadvertently undermine my sobriety while it is still extremely fragile, if that makes any sense.

Anna

And, keep in mind there are other recovery programs you might want to look at: SMART, Lifering, Women for Sobriety.

ScottFromWI

Along with other recovery methods, you could also try a different meeting. It could simply be that the people there or the way they run meetings is not for you.

sugarbear1

or, like me, it was my perception of the meeting that gave it a negative slant....my alcoholism is so cunning that way.....

working those steps has saved my life

GracieLou

If you feel a connection to the BB then I suggest looking for a BB meeting. I love my BB meeting. It is on a Monday evening and it helps set the tone for my entire week.

luvmygirls

In thinking more about this, it's possible that the time of day had something to do with this particular meeting. It was at 1 p.m, so I think there were more retirees and people who are not working full-time for a variety of reasons. I guess I am looking for some people who I can say, "they got and stayed sober, even though no one was "making" them, and before they lost everything, and I can too." Maybe that's unrealistic, but I plan to check out some more meetings to find out.

MarathonMan

Gracie - where do you find these BB meetings, not heard of them before.

freshstart57

Josharon, you got that from me in spades. I have plenty of posts that you can look at, over several years now and that is precisely my message to you. You can quit and stay quit, quit for good, and you can do it right now. You.

I needed to believe in my ability to quit - I was going to do it even if nobody ever succeeded before. Failure was never ever considered to be a possibility, I was only going to have one shot here. I quit, and never looked back.

You deserve it, don't you think? Go get it, accept nothing less. Onward!

Taking5

I didn't get relief from the obsession to drink until I did steps 4 and 5. Where are you in the steps? Can you find a live, responsive, face-to-face sponsor? Have you finished reading the big book yet?

luvmygirls

Thank you, Freshstart! I will read your posts.

I'm about 95 pages into the Big Book and I guess I'm starting Step 2. I feel like I need to find a meeting that I connect with before I can locate a sponsor to work with, right?

Fly N Buy

Josh, I know how you feel about AA - that was me. I drank for over 35+ years and when I stopped this time I made a commitment to myself to do the 90 meetings in 90 days.

I realize that's a lot, but what worked to get me on track was visiting 3-4 different groups each week as they are very different. Puts me out of my comfort zone so to speak, which is good for me.

There are obviously a bunch of stories after the first 164 pages. You may want to read the second group of stories - starts at page 281 - entitled " They Stopped in Time".
This helped me in my circumstances.

peace

Joe Nerv

It took me a long time before I felt comfortable in AA, and I'm glad I stuck around till it happened. I'm sure you've heard the 90 meetings in 90 days suggestion. I think it's a good one, because it at least gives us a fair amount of time to know what it's really all about.

The longer I'm sober, the more I'm understanding about this whole getting sober thing. This forum has helped me tons too. I don't believe AA is the only way to get sober. I'm certain it's not. But there are benefits to being an AA member that I'm grateful for. I believe that as active alcoholics we are physically, mentally, spiritually, and socially sick people. At least that was my case for certain, and most I know who drank the way I did. AA helped me heal the spiritual, which in turn helped me with all the others. AA also (and sometime I think even more importantly) gave me a safe place to learn to be a social being again. I was beyond socially awkward. Was socially ********, and would have probably been content hiding in a house for the rest of my life. The people (fellowship) of AA pulled me out of that. I don't know of any other way it could have happened.

I was sort of forced into social situations (can't make 90 meetings in 90 days without throwing yourself in a group of people , I was taken by the hand to places I was reluctant to go (diners, beaches, dances, bowling...), and I was coddled while learning to relate to others without a bottle in my hand. Something that I absolutely could not do. I needed to be around people who understood me and exactly what I was going through. They allowed me to be a freak of sorts, until I learned to be otherwise. And that took quite a while in my case.

Anyhow, I say give it an honest and open minded go. If after that you really feel after that it isn't for you, there are other paths and methods. I do however think it's important to have some sort of recovery plan in place. Otherwise we wind up as people who never really achieve freedom the bottle. They just begrudgingly don't drink.

aasharon90

I had to learn from others that have remained
sober for a many one days at a time that because
I drank for as long as I had, it would take me
some time to achieve a recovery life with happiness,
humility, freedom from the bondage or chains
of addiction that held me down for so long.

So many want instant gradification. Instant
to know all there is to be sober. We want
quick quick, hurry up and get it so I can
enjoy life without alcohol.

A story that was told a many a times was
about how the hunter walked and walked
for miles into the forest for his catch or reward
and once he got it, he forgot how long it took
to get it and had to walk back miles upon
miles to get out of the woods.

Same goes for recovery. It's not a race to
get the reward but the journey. Each step
we walk, each person we meet along the
way, each lifes lesson we learn, each experience
we have, will make us stronger, wiser, healthier,
and further away from the last drink we take.

If it helps to journal your journey then that
would be something worth doing as you begin
to walk your path in recovery listening, learning,
absorbing and applying all there is to achieve
the rewards of the Promises as stated in the
Big Book of AA.

Focus on the journey and not so much
the destination.