Stung

Lately, I've been admiring my two little girls and their little personalities and wondering what their gifts are, especially with my oldest. My youngest, she is super advanced linguistically. She's 14 months and she's already saying phrases. It's blowing my mind. This is an interesting juxtaposition to my almost 3 year old who has a speech delay and it's lead me to focus less on 'things that need work' and more on 'things that are outstandingly great!' for both of them. I think I've spent enough time focusing on the 'less than' qualities in myself and RAH for a lifetime and while both of my daughters do have real challenges that I'm actively addressing they both have gifts that I think need equal attention and consideration.

It doesn't take much time to recognize what their gifts are. They both ooze and exude love and kindness. Both are quick to share, hug and comfort one another. When one falls they other is quick to give a hug, toys are shared frequently, even if it requires a little encouragement from me sometimes. My oldest's gift is the joy that is just bursting out of her at the seams. She dances everywhere she goes and even though I occasionally selfishly try to tame her she rebuffs me without batting an eye exclaiming "no, mama, I'm dancing! Dance with me!" The point is always well taken. My youngest is very inquisitive, you can see her wheels constantly turning in her mind. She's thoughtful and patient and precise.

This has lead me to wonder what my own gifts are. Not strengths, but gifts. What do I do that comes naturally to me that is unlike others? I have lots of skills but I'm setting those aside since they are learned and I've learned how to please others and try to mold myself to fit other's expectations. I have spent the vast majority of this year figuring out my weaknesses/defects and working on correcting them (or asking a God of my understanding to help me out a little bit with them) but I honestly cannot think of what gift I have to offer the world. I don't mean that in a self pity kind of way but in a I'm seriously totally stumped kind of way.

What are your gifts? Do you know what they are?

heartcore

Yup. Indomitable courage. The magical ability to improvise musically with people, even when I haven't heard them play before. The ability to use words to encourage people. Pretty amazing endurance without complaining (not in relationships, mind you - but in camping in rain storms & hiking with blisters & such). And I have very beautiful eyes that encourage people to share secrets with me/make them feel safe and not judged.

I have many character defects & challenges too, but the above are pure gifts, which have served me well in this lifetime...

lillamy

I like this post. Because I do think we're a LOT better at finding our own faults than our own gifts!

One of my gifts is language. I'm very good at putting things into words, and "getting" other people's tone and language. I'm currently in negotiations with someone about ghostwriting their memoirs -- that would be a perfect job for me. I've written speeches for politicians and been praised for my ability to write "as if I had written it myself." I'm guessing that's one of the "side effects" of codependency -- I can "mirror" other people really well.

Another aspect of that is that people trust me and share intimate details of their lives with me for no apparent reason. I'm the only person I know who can go into a gas station to grab a quick bottle of water and come out with the cashier's life story.

So ironically, it seems my "gifts" add up to "not being me" huh? I don't know how encouraging that is.... I should probably have gone into acting.

Florence

Yeah! My DD3 is the same way! We have car dance parties and family dance parties all the time.

I have the gift of reinvention, I'm not afraid to try new things, I'm not afraid to push forward. I'm funny, I'm crafty, I'm creative, and I'm resilient.

My kids are absolutely wonderful. I could go on and on about them, but instead I'll say that choosing to refocus my energy, which for so long was focused on my XAH's problems and then on whether or not he was committed to solutions, and putting it on making myself right and getting my home back in order, was 100% responsible for my ability to concentrate my efforts on my home and APPRECIATE my children. Simply put, his needs and betrayals were such a black hole for my energy that there are several years of my son's childhood that feel lost to me, when I should have been plugged into his needs and not into my XAH's. Realizing this made leaving my XAH when DD3 was an infant much easier than otherwise. I was worried about financial and care logistics, but not about whether it was good for her to limit his influence in our home.

The process of getting from there to here was not easy, and I am learning to give myself credit for committing to the process and appreciating these victories for what they are, rather than lamenting the perfect life that might have been.

FireSprite

I struggle with this. A lot. I really don't always see my gifts but I DO see it in DD & encourage the holy heck out of it. She's a singer/actress/Drama Queen. We live in a musical, I swear.

I know that I am highly empathic, but it took me many, many years to realize that most other people aren't....at least not to the same degree. I always thought everyone felt as *tuned in* as I do. I lost touch with it over the years of dealing with an active AH without realizing it; all the blame shifting & manipulation & added responsibilities & stresses just eroded me too much to be in touch with my gut instincts in any way, shape or form. But recovery has helped me to really uncover & embrace my True Self in ways I might not have pursued before.

I'm learning more about myself all the time, uncovering more with every damaged layer I strip away.

firebolt

I love this post and hearing about everyone's gifts!

My gifts are: an uncanny ability to retain trivial knowledge, a gear head - I can fix anything with an engine or circuit board, and a half left half right brain (I just get math, science, art, design and architecture) - I know more about outer space than most 13 year olds

Search4Serenity

What a great thread! I'm terrible at identifying gifts-but I could write you a 500 page treatise on my shortcomings. So let's see--this is really difficult for me too--I get totally stumped on it and want to say "I have no gifts," but I can't see where that's true.

I have the gift of instrumental music--though I've sadly abandoned it. I kind of wish I could resurrect it--maybe I can someday.
I have the gift of communication--I am able to use it to put people at ease--I do this in my job with stressed out students all the time.

I kind of don't know what else counts as a gift--but I think it's probably a good exercise for all of us to at least think about it...

What are your gifts?

lizatola

I'm good at encouraging others. I have a gift of service and love to serve others but now I realize I have to be careful that I serve out of a true desire to serve and not out of martyrdom or because I want kudos, etc. I check my motives and if I feel led to help others, I will do so.

I am good at editing and writing and will be helping a friend publish a few ebooks for Kindle soon.

I also have the gift of patience and I do not lose my temper often. My friends tell me I'm loyal, that I'm kind, and that they know they can count on me if they were in a jam.

I struggle with this and I know that some of these things are gifts while others are a developed talent i.e. the writing and editing.

And, many people consider my ambidextrousness a gift, LOL! Seriously, if I sit next to someone left handed at dinner, I just change hands and eat accordingly so that we don't bump hands. I write right handed, am left handed dominant when I play sports except for golf where I am a righty, and I can eat using both hands. I do not struggle to put on nail polish and I can use both right handed and left handed tools or scissors. WEIRD, I know, LOL!

Search4Serenity

Funny you should say this lizatola! I'm almost the exact opposite--I write left handed, but all sports or things requiring strength, I tend to the right. I can also eat with either hand--though when I use chopsticks, I can eat with neither hand

Stung

Oooooh!

ME TOO!!! I am super duper handy. I can hang pictures straight and center without using a level and I can fix most plumbing problems. My handiness has lead me to say on several occasions that I would have been a really awesome husband had I been born as a man . LOL

I was also originally going to go to school for fashion design and had been taking college courses during my senior year of high school but ended up going into business instead. I've had success in my field but I greatly regret not going into art, I think it would have been so much more satisfying but with business I have been able to provide myself with a career that I can always fall back on.

I think my gift is that I'm a dreamer. I have a very vivid imagination. And generally when I think of an idea that I really am in love with I try to make it happen. I also day dream regularly and I always have. I'm still on the fence on whether that's just a weird fun fact or an actual gift though. I'll go with the latter for the time being.

lillamy

Holy moly, Stung, can you come to my house? I have pictures that need hanging and my plumbing is a MESS!!!

BuffaloGal

My most rewarding gift is that I'm a cat whisperer. I love cats and take care of them- around 20 in my life- and they love me back in a feline fashion. They actually follow me around in an offhand, cat kind of way. I can read their body language, tell when they're in pain, and even high strung, antisocial cats will usually let me pet them.

Sheesh I just got in bed and there is already one in my lap, one on my chest and one by my feet. Even when I'm alone at home, I'm not alone for long. My goal is to start a small permanent home type cat shelter in my state. I'm starting training next fall for a higher certification in my field so I can finance this. I hope.

My other gifts include spiritual awareness, for lack of a better term. I don't understand when people talk about searching for God- God is right here, to me. My questions about the nature of my own life, suffering, the brutal unfairness I've experienced- those questions are answered. I don't have answers for all the world and humanity, and I know my life is much easier than most, despite my mother's accidental death when I was young. But I have reasons for my experience and that's enough to work with. I wasn't raised in any religious or spiritual tradition either. I just have grown to understand since my early teens. It does feel distinctly like a gift, like a present, not anything earned.

Wow. I didn't mean to go off on such a serious tangent. That's enough of that.

Um, and I have several creative talents, and intuitive understanding of much of math and language. None of those are my life purpose though I wish they were sometimes.