What would you do??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
What would you do??
So....this is very odd. I would like some input from my SR peeps on this as I am conflicted.
On Friday I took my kids to the fair. The agreement was their father would then come for a while then they would go home with him for the weekend. All fine. He showed up alone which was also fine. He was sober and in good spirits. I know he was not drinking at all as I had a drink of his soda (I thought it was my DD's).
Anyways....all was fine. My little DD forgot her cell phone in my purse so she asked me to bring it by her dads when they got done at Walmart, fine by me. She said they would be leaving the store in approx. 10 mins so I just took it over there and waited for them. It took them about 30 mins to show up which was odd but I was fine waiting, I brought my book.
So....after my little DD and their father go inside my older DD tells me something odd happened. She told me that her dad got a call from this girl who was crying very hard. She said the friend she was with was drunk and could not take her home and that her husband did not know she was out and could he (my X) come and give her a ride home. So he went and picked her up and took her home. My DD told me it only took a few mins and was odd but no big deal. She has no idea how her dad knows this girl, but she is married and definitely her dad was not interested in her in any other way but a friend. She is 22 according to their dad as my DD asked him apparently. The girl was quite hefty so I believe he is not interested in any way in her as he cannot stand that (nice guy right).
The issue with all of this is that he told my DD's not to tell me. My older DD said it was not a big deal and not to say anything. I just think it's all extremely odd and don't like him telling my girls not to tell me. Older DD brought it up in front of little DD yesterday who said, "You told her?"
If I say anything to him he will be a jerk about it to my DD, their relationship is OK but rocky. I don't want to abuse her trust.
Do I just let it go and say nothing?
How would you all handle something like this?
On Friday I took my kids to the fair. The agreement was their father would then come for a while then they would go home with him for the weekend. All fine. He showed up alone which was also fine. He was sober and in good spirits. I know he was not drinking at all as I had a drink of his soda (I thought it was my DD's).
Anyways....all was fine. My little DD forgot her cell phone in my purse so she asked me to bring it by her dads when they got done at Walmart, fine by me. She said they would be leaving the store in approx. 10 mins so I just took it over there and waited for them. It took them about 30 mins to show up which was odd but I was fine waiting, I brought my book.
So....after my little DD and their father go inside my older DD tells me something odd happened. She told me that her dad got a call from this girl who was crying very hard. She said the friend she was with was drunk and could not take her home and that her husband did not know she was out and could he (my X) come and give her a ride home. So he went and picked her up and took her home. My DD told me it only took a few mins and was odd but no big deal. She has no idea how her dad knows this girl, but she is married and definitely her dad was not interested in her in any other way but a friend. She is 22 according to their dad as my DD asked him apparently. The girl was quite hefty so I believe he is not interested in any way in her as he cannot stand that (nice guy right).
The issue with all of this is that he told my DD's not to tell me. My older DD said it was not a big deal and not to say anything. I just think it's all extremely odd and don't like him telling my girls not to tell me. Older DD brought it up in front of little DD yesterday who said, "You told her?"
If I say anything to him he will be a jerk about it to my DD, their relationship is OK but rocky. I don't want to abuse her trust.
Do I just let it go and say nothing?
How would you all handle something like this?
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
If it were me I'd put it under the category of 'nothing I can do about it' and just let it go. I wouldn't like him saying that either but not something you can control.
My thoughts are that if you address it he will say that even more often and your girls will be less likely to share because they will want to avoid the conflict. By letting it go (the actual event is really not that big of a deal IMO but agree it is odd) you protect your open relationship with your girls - which is the most important thing.
If it was a different situation I might think differently but this is a done and over with event and his misguided mistrust/paranoia about truthfulness is his problem.
My thoughts are that if you address it he will say that even more often and your girls will be less likely to share because they will want to avoid the conflict. By letting it go (the actual event is really not that big of a deal IMO but agree it is odd) you protect your open relationship with your girls - which is the most important thing.
If it was a different situation I might think differently but this is a done and over with event and his misguided mistrust/paranoia about truthfulness is his problem.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Those are my thoughts as well, why bother saying anything you can’t control what he does let alone what he may say to your daughters.
I went through similar with my ex, him being sneaky and attempting to incorporate my kids into it. He was able to snow my youngest but not my oldest and that alone was why their relationship was rocky.
I would not say anything to him and I would not make a big deal about it with your daughters. After all you do want some information to flow back to you don’t you?
If your children feel they are put in the middle they will clam up and you want them to be able to share things with you without you reacting on their dad.
I went through similar with my ex, him being sneaky and attempting to incorporate my kids into it. He was able to snow my youngest but not my oldest and that alone was why their relationship was rocky.
I would not say anything to him and I would not make a big deal about it with your daughters. After all you do want some information to flow back to you don’t you?
If your children feel they are put in the middle they will clam up and you want them to be able to share things with you without you reacting on their dad.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
That was my thought too, just let it go. I just wanted to hear it from someone else I guess as I really hate him telling them not to tell me things. What if it's more serious next time?
I am going to chalk it up to some weird thing and move forward. Thanks!
I am going to chalk it up to some weird thing and move forward. Thanks!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
I agree, I would just let it go. It is not worth causing a rift in your children's relationship with their father.
Could she have been someone he met through AA? Perhaps they are in recovery together and she relapsed and leaned on him to help out but he didnt want you to "get the wrong idea", so told the girls not to mention it. It's probably nothing. Remember A's dont think clearly and rationally like we do and often have more paranoia so their behaviors are often odd like that.
Could she have been someone he met through AA? Perhaps they are in recovery together and she relapsed and leaned on him to help out but he didnt want you to "get the wrong idea", so told the girls not to mention it. It's probably nothing. Remember A's dont think clearly and rationally like we do and often have more paranoia so their behaviors are often odd like that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Thanks guys. RB, the leg is progressing. I'm still a bit wobbly but making progress! Thanks for asking.
Unsure...nope, he is not in AA. I've no idea where he would know her from and don't really want to know I don't think.
My kids are very honest and open with me, I need to remember that. My older DD tells me everything and I am pretty sure my little DD would have told me soon too. I will put my faith in them and remind them that no matter what anyone tells them, they can tell me anything and we will work through it together.
I appreciate you all!
Unsure...nope, he is not in AA. I've no idea where he would know her from and don't really want to know I don't think.
My kids are very honest and open with me, I need to remember that. My older DD tells me everything and I am pretty sure my little DD would have told me soon too. I will put my faith in them and remind them that no matter what anyone tells them, they can tell me anything and we will work through it together.
I appreciate you all!
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