vinfatale

First time here, and first time DUI. I'm in panic mode and hoping someone can direct me to threads about DUI and what to do. It was also a huge wake up call, and very humbling. I have already found myself lying about how drunk I was, or making excuses for it. "Only a few drinks". I wasn't falling down drunk, and I've definitely been more drunk than I was that night. I wasn't even out partying. I was at a work function, celebrating with my boss after a particularly rough week. I was smart enough not to go all the way home right away, I hung out at a friend's place near the office. Not long enough, though. I should have spent the night on her couch. Should have....there are lots of those.

It's really very humbling though. I do have a problem. I just usually drink alone in the safety of my home. Not that that makes me any less of an alcoholic. That's pretty classic. My boyfriend is even more of an alcoholic than I am, and a bartender. Which doesn't help. Our favorite thing to do together is drink. We're two shy people, but with the booze suddenly we are passionate sex gods. And now I am vowing to be sober. I have to be that person, the uncool person who refuses to even have one drink. Because I know that I can't stop at just one. And I really hate who I am when I'm drunk. Mostly I'm sexually inappropriate, and socially awkward. I blurt out lots of things I shouldn't say, I did some of that with my boss the night of the DUI.

And now here I am. I may lose my driving privileges, and put my job at risk if I have no way to get there. (they are saying I refused the breathalizer. Ironically for a ****, I couldn't blow hard enough. But of course no one believes that.

I also struggle with depression. Bad, suicidal depression. Especially now. Alcohol as self medicating. I'm seeing a therapist but clearly need to be on meds, or find a better therapist. I need to be serious about going to meetings. AA too, I guess. Right now I go off and on to SA.

I'm not the type, I think. I'm too good for this, too squeaky clean. Too old. A 40 something with a great career, great family. Or am I? I looked around my jail cell that night...and I was locked up with some really sketchy ladies...and had to admit I was no better than any of them. Maybe I'll be a better person for this. But right now it feels like my life is over.

flossyfressia

I've never had a DUI (risked it enough times though!) and here in the UK its immediate disqualification of your licence so I'd have been in a real mess for work if I did-but there are plenty of lovely people on here who have great jobs, great families and are also alcoholics.

Just because you've made mistakes and have a problem with drinking doesn't take away the great things in your life - it just blurs them. Remember how you feel today-forgive yourself-but remember it and use it as a tool for your recovery. I hold one particularly bad morning after very close and if I'm tempted I try and go back to it as a reminder of why I'm doing this.

Hawks

Honesty MAY be the best policy.

I have known people who have lost a licence and told their employer and the employer has given them a second chance, put some allowances in place etc.

Only you can know if you think your employer is of that type ie: believes in second chances and giving people the chance to admit their mistake and do better.

Investigate public transport, getting a bicycle, see if a co worker is prepared to pick you up.

This can be the last wake up call you need, but you'll have to put in some effort to ensure you really have learnt and don't continue on the path of drinking.

Alcohol is a great remover. Jobs, cars, licences, friends, family, houses.

It can happen quickly to some people too.

Believe me, I know

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

You can turn this around, it sounds like alcohol is doing you no favours, so it might be time to draw a permanent line in the sand!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR to help out!!

LBrain

welcome to the forum vinfatale, dui - ouch, I'm not gonna tell you how many I had.

I don't know what SA is. I do know this after finally going out again after 8 months sober. The COOL person is the one NOT drinking. I've also notice I command respect when in the company of drinkers, especially people who have known me for a long time. But I had to avoid that environment until I was secure with myself that I would not 'envy' those drinking. On Saturday night I was in a place with a friend who wanted to buy the bartender a shot. She refused saying she doesn't drink. Then said I drank years ago but I wasn't good at it. That is a common line among people like us. I wasn't good at it either.
I reckon you are gonna lose you license for a while. Get used to it. Come clean with your boss - they were a part of it. Ask for help. Humble yourself. Tell your partner that this is no way to live and you want to clean up your act. Ask if he wants to do this with you. Sex gets better when you are sober for a time - at least it did for me. WAY BETTER.
Look into methods of obtaining sobriety and a plan to keep it. There are options. Rational Recovery, is one. AA is another. Find something that fits your mindset. But you must commit to it.
If I was you, I'd give up drinking for good. It's the only way. It sounds like you already know this.
Good luck.

Inchworm

Your life is just beginning, my dear! You can do this! Call your therapist and be honest about the suicidal thoughts. Do not keep it to yourself -way too heavy. We care.

IOAA2

Hi.
Alcoholics come in many different packages, ages, backgrounds and financial levels. The common thing is we can not drink alcohol in safety. Many won’t accept that fact and are left by the wayside awaiting some magic pill to save them.

Many people who are able to stop drinking find the depression has lessened along with the suicidal thoughts.
I never met someone who said their best day drinking was better than their worst day sober. We must remember that life happens if we drink or not, we learn how to handle life on lifes terms.

BE WELL

Fly N Buy

Glad you are here! Lot's of great folks among you with good, sober advice.

Sometimes it takes that Deee wobble you (DUI) bottom to get ones attention. Sounds like you are mentally there....Willingness, I found was the key that unlocks the gate. Knowledge without action is just fodder for the brain.

Sobriety is there for all if one is committed!!!!!

Glad you are here TODAY!!
peace

Soberwolf

Werlcome to sober recovery

vinfatale

Thank you everyone! It seems like this is a safe place, and not the usual internet forum where people are snarky and getting off on ripping into people.
I'm fragile and can't handle that.

There is no great solution to the no-license issue for me. There is no reliable public transit in my city that goes to where I need to go for work. My commute is over an hour one way. Sounds awful, but this is typical here and I love where I live and would not want to live near the office (bad area). Also my boyfriend is here. I shouldn't factor this in, but I am afraid that if I moved it would mean total abandonment by him and other friends, and I need love and support more than anything. As it is my new sobriety may drive a wedge between me and my guy. He is not yet at that place where he wants to stop. You may tell me the best thing I could do would be to get him out of my life but the bond we have is intense and means everything to me.

Well I fessed up to my boss this morning and he was very sweet about it. Hopefully that is not just a fake-nice front. I don't think so. I am very fortunate to have him for a boss right now, he's not the typical straight-laced authority figure and very tolerant.

I think I have it a little easier than most. I can avoid alcohol for long stretches with no cravings. The bigger problem for me is the constant social pressure to drink. It's not even that I really would miss the drinking just for the drink's sake. It would just embarrass me to have to turn down that "one drink" that everyone expects you to be able to handle. But I guess I am at a point where I really don't care what people think. I just want my life back. I never want to go through this ever again.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, vinfatale, to SR. Lots of great advice above. Glad you found this site.

Soberwolf

my best is advice is to look up either Dee 74, Anna or Opivotal these are ppl that work here and not only offer great advice but offer help in writing up an action but for now here you go and remember to keep reading keep posting give sobriety a real chance to work a small miracle or 2 good luck

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4910403

Alynn

I had a DUI March of last yr. I'm a mom, a. Career woman, and the person who always tried to look like I had it together. I was in denial and making excuses.. I ended up with a reckless driving on record . That should have been a wake up call.. I slowed down considerably but still when I did drink I did so till a passed out, blacked out, a felt like I was hit by a train the next day.. I never risked driving with anything in my system again. The anxiety, depression, consequences of alcohol did get worse though... It's been 22 days since I've decided to quit for good. I felt ready. Not worth it anymore. Try to stay calm through it all. It's can be a stressful situation but you will get through it. It will bench easier to get through leaving alcohol behind for good. Trust me... Take is as a lesson learned and leave it behind. SR is a great place to be

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

kirstensmith

Your life is not over! Congratulations for taking responsibility for what's yours and being self aware. DUIs are no fun, and it will hurt you financially. But it also gives you an opportunity to get some real help. They will do an alcohol assessment with you and get you some counseling/treatment if you need it. DUIs are embarrassing and expensive, but they are not the end of the world. And yes, I have had DUI experience as well. Not fun, but I learned my lesson about drinking/driving.

I'm not sure what kind of job you have, but I don't think you will lose your job unless you are a commercial driver or your DUI was a felony. Get an attorney for sure. Even though it's more expensive, they are going to get you coming and going money-wise. The lawyer can help you make sure you get through the process with a decent judge, and best possible outcome.

Be careful as you get on meds, as your body as to sort itself out and get its chemicals working right again once you ditch the booze as well. Try to get some exercise in and boost your endorphins. I'm not saying to NOT go on meds, because meds are a great thing, but just do what you can to be healthy on your own as well.

Hang in there, and know that you have support here.

firstymer

I have been a member of SR for 13 months. I found this place after I hit MY rock bottom. I haven't had a drink since my first day here at SR.

I have always thought of this as a very supportive community, populated with people of great wisdom, experience and support.

I had never stopped to think of whether SR is a "safe" or "unsafe" place. But you are right. This IS a safe place. We come here when we are at our most vulnerable. And we usually leave feeling supported and less alone. And even thought we never share our personal information with each other, I feel closer to many of these "strangers" than I do with some members of my own family.

You ARE in a safe place. And you are among friends. Good luck. And welcome. I hope you will post often and let us know how you are doing.

Hevyn

Welcome vin. I hope you'll stay with us - this is the best place ever for encouragement.

I had 2 dui's. For my first one I was considered a 'first offender' and just had to attend classes & AA meetings, plus a fine. (I was 10 yrs. older than you!). As you said, it was terrifying & humbling - but it took me getting the 2nd one to really admit I had no control. You're wise to be taking a hard look at what alcohol is doing to your life. You can get free. No more misery or uncertainty.

luvmygirls

I can relate to initially feeling "too squeaky clean." I'm 42 and have all the trappings of a successful life. I wonder now if keeping up those appearances, of perfection, professional and personal success, a beautiful home, etc. may have contributed to my drinking problem. The facade...it's exhausting.

I'm the last person who should be giving advice, since I'm only on Day 5 and I'm white-knuckling it through. But I can commiserate and tell you you're not alone. Hang in there.

Hawks

Congrats on fessing up & you are lucky to have that kind of boss.

Carry on the good work. But as others have said.

Failure to plan can be dangerous.

Actions speak louder than words, put some action in place.

Dee74

Welcome vinfatale

I know nothing about DUIs (my recommendation is consult with a lawyer who knows the laws in your state) but I do know that, if we keep drinking, DUIs can become the least of our problems.

I really hope you'll stick around - lots of good advice on recovery here

D

Rina

I hope you are well. I am dealing with a first time DUI as well and it has been extremely stressful and humiliating but I keep believing it is because God needed to kick me in the behind to quit my destructive binge drinking. I too only drank occasionally because I always inevitably lost control and was coming home from a family barbecue where I was pouring my own drinks and was stopped for weaving. I am post sentencing and on probation and barely making ends meet but I just have to get through it one day at a time.