"Let Me Fall"

Old 09-21-2014, 02:35 PM
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"Let Me Fall"

I promised to send this piece on to someone from an Alanon meeting that I attend, and I cannot find it here to save my life! I was certain I had saved it to my "Wisdom of SR" folder and it's not there either.

If anyone here knows the piece I'm looking for and can locate it for me, I will be eternally grateful!

Thanks.
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Old 09-21-2014, 02:39 PM
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Is this it?

If you love me let me fall all by myself. Don't try to spread a net out to catch me, don't throw a pillow under my a** to cushion the pain so I don't have to feel it, don't stand in the place I am going to land so that you can break the fall (allowing yourself to get hurt instead of me) ...

Let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, let me walk the valley alone all by myself, let me reach the bottom of the pit ... trust that there is a bottom there somewhere even if you can't see it. The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me ...

The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours ... the sooner I will arrive ... and on time ... just right where I need to be ... me, alone, all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead ... resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one ... If I am allowed to stay at the bottom and live there for awhile ...

I am free to get sick of it on my own, free to begin to want out, free to look for a way out, and free to plan how I will climb back up to the top. In the beginning as I start to climb out .. I just might slide back down, but don't worry I might have to hit bottom a couple more times before I make it out safe and sound ... Don't you see ?? Don't you know ?? You can't do this for me ... I have to do it for myself, but if you are always breaking the fall how am I ever suppose to feel the pain that is part of the driving force to want to get well. It is my burden to carry, not yours ...

I know you love me and that you mean well and a lot of what you do is because you don't know what to do and you act from your heart not from knowledge of what is best for me ... but if you truly love me let me go my own way, make my own choices be they bad or good ... don't clip my wings before I can learn to fly ... Nudge me out of your safety net ... trust the process and pray for me ... that one day I will not only fly, but maybe even soar.
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Old 09-21-2014, 02:55 PM
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yes, suki, that is it, and thank you so much!
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Old 09-21-2014, 03:20 PM
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Wow!

If I could send this to someone I know, (my ex Abf) i wish I could. It says everything & it makes the non A in a relationship (me) realize that's what he's thinking. Thank you for letting me "hear" what he is thinking. Bernadette777
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Old 09-21-2014, 03:47 PM
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This is definitely something I needed to read. Like Bernadette said, it's good to get an idea of the A's perspective. It's very strange how with alcoholism, the more you try to help, the more you hurt both yourself and the other person. I think this is the hardest part for me to grasp. How can help be counterproductive? But this helps make me see. Thank you!
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Old 09-21-2014, 03:56 PM
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This is the version I have bookmarked:



Here is the original thread:

The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com (Looking for "LET ME FALL")


I am an addict

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You can't make me clean, though I know it is what you want for me to be. But until I want it. I won't be. You can't love me clean, because until I learn to love myself. I won't be. I know you must wonder how can I learn to love myself when I am caught up in a life style of self-hatred and self destruction. I can learn from my own experiences. I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn.

I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.

You see, although I look and sound like your loved one. I am not. That person is in a self imposed prison way deep down inside of my being and what you see before you is an addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. I am an addict and my main focus is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of "helping me" falls prey to my addiction giving it more power to shackle me down a little more each time.

I feed my addiction enough. So please don't help me.

The only way for the real me to get free is to be free. FREE to fall as far down as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight and find my way back. To break free.

How can or will I ever be able to get clean you wonder ...

The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF.

By not enabling me you will be allowing me to reach "rock bottom". By trusting the process you move over and allow me to find my own way back. You see, it is in the fight to get free that I will find myself. It is in the fight that I will learn to love myself and the more I love myself ... the more I will start to do to better myself, but I myself, must do this.

I am aware that when I use I am playing Russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance I take when I use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.

Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't reach it if you are blocking the entrance.

I know you love me and you only want what's best for me ... but that very love keeps you blind sighted to just what truly is best for me and causes you to act from/out of fear and emotions.

Please for my sake don't try to stop me... just let me go ... move out of the way and let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me ... as far down as I have to to reach rock bottom. Don't try to cushion the fall. Just believe in me and trust the process. Pray for me that when I do hit ... it is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that, be sure to tell my story so that others might learn from my mistakes and live.

Passion
Recovering addict
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Old 09-21-2014, 04:06 PM
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There are several out there. The one I posted came from this thread from 2008...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-me-fall.html
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Old 09-21-2014, 04:21 PM
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Advice I could have used many years ago. I did all the wrong things - classic enabler.
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Old 09-21-2014, 04:32 PM
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Maybe I'm reading these from the wrong perspective but I get annoyed reading them. Sure, I get it by now, I can't change you but where the h3ll was all that eloquence when you were drinking. Where was the coherent and civilized conversation where you actually communicated instead of snarling at me. Where was the kind detachment when I was strung out trying to find some way to communicate with the person that seemed to have turned into an angry slurring shambling zombie.

Now theres all this clear & coherent speech about how you want to complete the job of wrecking your life (fine if you want to do it to yourself), but you're quite happy to take a bunch of other people down with you. Maybe all's fair and I'm fair game but what about the kids? Are you happy to tell them this too?

How about instead you take all that effort put into reasoning and communication and instead put it into ACTING LIKE A GROWNUP AND FIXING YOUR CRAP.

lol but I guess my tirade says more about me than it does the essays.. seems to have found a trigger somewhere down inside.. so yeah, I'll keep coming back...
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Old 09-22-2014, 07:16 PM
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Probably was not written by someone using at the time, as they are still in the denial stage most of the time. It is most likely written from someone that is trying to help people like us, who try to save them. I would assume, but could be wrong, that this is written by someone in recovery.
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Old 09-22-2014, 08:59 PM
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Fire Sprite.... oh my gosh.... that last line just made me cringe. Man, what a closing statement! Just so sad.
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Old 09-23-2014, 07:32 AM
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Being in a way different place than I was when I first came her I have a different perspective than I would have had then.

As I read this what jumped out at me was the blame shifting. It's your fault I can't get better because you love me and have compassion for me. If it wasn't for you I would have hit my bottom sooner. So, my continued suffering is your fault.

It sounds good, it tugs at the heart strings but in reality it's just quacking.

Your friend,
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Old 09-23-2014, 07:48 AM
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I see what you are saying Mike.... 100%
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Old 09-23-2014, 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by m1k3 View Post
Being in a way different place than I was when I first came her I have a different perspective than I would have had then.

As I read this what jumped out at me was the blame shifting. It's your fault I can't get better because you love me and have compassion for me. If it wasn't for you I would have hit my bottom sooner. So, my continued suffering is your fault.

It sounds good, it tugs at the heart strings but in reality it's just quacking.

Your friend,
A whole new perspective, Mike. Thanks for posting that.
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Old 09-23-2014, 12:49 PM
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Thanks Mike- that summarizes it nicely. I've been doing some work on this the last couple days- clearly an anger trigger at work. I've approached it from an BillW Emotional Sobriety standpoint- where the "mental upset" correlates to an unhealthy attachment, likewise anger as a consequence of fear. But for me it seems the essays hit my victim triggers; the "thats not fair" response and so I move into judgement etc. Still working... thx all.
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Old 09-23-2014, 02:43 PM
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I can totally see all POV on this - I think maybe it's one of those pieces that reads differently depending on where each individual is in their recovery. For me, it reminds me that addiction isn't personal against me, and at the same time it's nothing BUT personal for the addict themselves. It doesn't especially inspire any extra compassion or empathy from me, maybe a nugget of understanding....but I do enjoy the imagery & poetry of NytePassion's piece in particular.
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Old 09-23-2014, 03:42 PM
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I can see that as well... I think you are right, there are many sides to this poem that is very moving on all accounts.
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Old 09-24-2014, 07:41 AM
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So here is a question: the quote says "nudge me out of your safety nest" is that I cut you off completely? Or do I cut you off little by little?
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Old 09-24-2014, 12:52 PM
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Yeah its that pseudo-loving "nudge me out" language that sets me off. Where is the remorse. I think I'm getting triggered by letting my focus slip off me and into the role the author proposes I'm in. I don't actually have to accept his proposition. Having learned a bit in alanon at this point, in the face of active & unrestrained addiction like our esteemed author is talking about I don't think my response would be quite as pleasant as he's hoping for.
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Old 09-24-2014, 06:26 PM
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Tell you what peeps, I've been thinking a lot about the essay and my response. Clearly I am being considerably triggered and I do beg all of your pardons.

I have a "pro-active revenge" streak in me that goes way back... I don't act but I can easily get sucked into developing an array of simmering resentments with lots of theoretical paybacks for things that haven't happened or have to me or to others. I just imagine myself into it. I'm kind of edging my way to thinking it one of the unhealthy attachments BillW speaks about, in this case a habitual attachment to judgement and consequent payback. Thoughts become lurid, focus and judgement goes awry etc... happens as easily as breathing some days.

So to put my record on this topic straight, and hopefully to bed, I'd like to leave my message to the hypothetical addict as "be my guest, fall or climb as you will by yourself- I will protect myself and the kids from you".

I find it difficult to not embellish that statement with all sorts of barbs intended to humiliate, blame etc. I am guided by the example of the SR friends & relatives who are living this situation. A wrathful response is my codie instinct but I don't have to keep living it.
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