Acceptable AlAnon Language
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Acceptable AlAnon Language
Being in recovery only 6 months, I am learning how to navigate my way through the cultural subtleties of our local AlAnon community. The biggest lessons are what is acceptable, and what one MUST not say:
1. "I have to."
I was chastised by my former sponsor for saying this. Even saying "I have to go to the market" is a big No No. Incidently, he also told me that he had the right to say anything he pleased to me during our sessions, and that if I objected, it meant I had some deep-seated problem.
2. "I'm fine."
When asked by the "leader" of the local ACOA chapter how I was doing, I responded with "I'm fine." Imagine my horror at learning that I had breached a point of etiquette. "Fine" turned out to be some acronym, with the "F" being the "F word." We CANNOT say we are "fine."
I told her about my experiences with my former sponsor, and that I was putting what she had just told me into the same category with his. Naturally, that category is labeled using another Saxon word that means horse fertilizer.
I hope you are as informed, entertained and amused as I have been by these occurrences!
1. "I have to."
I was chastised by my former sponsor for saying this. Even saying "I have to go to the market" is a big No No. Incidently, he also told me that he had the right to say anything he pleased to me during our sessions, and that if I objected, it meant I had some deep-seated problem.
2. "I'm fine."
When asked by the "leader" of the local ACOA chapter how I was doing, I responded with "I'm fine." Imagine my horror at learning that I had breached a point of etiquette. "Fine" turned out to be some acronym, with the "F" being the "F word." We CANNOT say we are "fine."
I told her about my experiences with my former sponsor, and that I was putting what she had just told me into the same category with his. Naturally, that category is labeled using another Saxon word that means horse fertilizer.
I hope you are as informed, entertained and amused as I have been by these occurrences!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Strange....
I'm glad to say I've not encountered anything like that in my experiences!!
Hope you've been able to find some meetings/people who are a little more relaxed and realistic about things. I mean, the idea of Alanon is NOT to be some sort of weird secret society w/arcane rules and special handshakes and so on. People are supposed to feel welcomed and understood, not like the uncool high school kid at the dance.
I'm glad to say I've not encountered anything like that in my experiences!!
Hope you've been able to find some meetings/people who are a little more relaxed and realistic about things. I mean, the idea of Alanon is NOT to be some sort of weird secret society w/arcane rules and special handshakes and so on. People are supposed to feel welcomed and understood, not like the uncool high school kid at the dance.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Thank God I finally found a meeting- my third in 6 months where people don't seem like strange control freaks. Btw, the "leader" I wrote about never misses an opportunity to try and start a fight with me. I think of her as "The Lord Admiral."
Cheers!
Cheers!
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Alanon Soup Nazis?
The Best of The Soup Nazi - YouTube
Suppose it depends how far out on the branch of the tree they are.
Since I am amused by weird (I will likely be eaten by cannibals one day), I have been to some Alanon that are "off the radar." They were intentionally not listed and not really even part of the conference. And seemed to have a LOT of "we know better than . . ." crap in their heads.
I would say this. Good Alanon is Good. It smells good. it tastes good, it feels good. You may not want to be there, (I did not), but it is Good. On the other hand (or foot) Not-Good Alanon smells, tastes, and feels like crap.
Cheech and Chong- Dog **** - YouTube
The Best of The Soup Nazi - YouTube
Suppose it depends how far out on the branch of the tree they are.
Since I am amused by weird (I will likely be eaten by cannibals one day), I have been to some Alanon that are "off the radar." They were intentionally not listed and not really even part of the conference. And seemed to have a LOT of "we know better than . . ." crap in their heads.
I would say this. Good Alanon is Good. It smells good. it tastes good, it feels good. You may not want to be there, (I did not), but it is Good. On the other hand (or foot) Not-Good Alanon smells, tastes, and feels like crap.
Cheech and Chong- Dog **** - YouTube
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I agree, that's weird!
However, I was told by my sponsor to stop saying "I should" but my therapist has told me to stop "should-ing" all over myself too.
And, I have heard the "I'm fine" thing before. But my go to response to "how are you?" for the past two years has been "I'm tired." LOL
However, I was told by my sponsor to stop saying "I should" but my therapist has told me to stop "should-ing" all over myself too.
And, I have heard the "I'm fine" thing before. But my go to response to "how are you?" for the past two years has been "I'm tired." LOL
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