hokey

One of the greatest gifts of sobriety is getting to know myself again without the constant drowning out of feelings and emotions. I haven't dealt with anything without alcohol for so many years that quite often the feelings that arise out of certain situations are completely foreign to me. They're not all good, not by a long stretch, but they are all me ... for the first time in a long, long time. I am finally discovering what really makes Holly tick.

I'm back at 4 weeks after a relapse in August (at 88 days ) and things are going really well. Working through the steps with my sponsor and attending meetings every night. I know it's not for everyone, but it works for me

Have a happy, sober Sunday!

Anna

Yes, it's an interesting journey, isn't it!

Soberwolf

Well done hokey

lovely post keep it up your doing great

rachelle77

Good job, hokey!

I'm right there with you on the "getting to know me" front. It's true that it's not all great things, at least for me, but they are sincere emotions. Alcohol clouded so much! Now I'm beginning to learn things about myself that need work so I can move forward and live the life I want to live. Best to you!

Nuudawn

Completely relate with your post Holly. I am frequently gobsmacked by the discoveries of what's "really going on within" when confronted with...well, life. Just yesterday when faced with having to cancel dinner plans this evening due to being called in to work unexpectantly..I encountered a level of anxiety that actually brought on a craving. I was actually in the midst of firming up plans for tonight's evening via text message when my work texted with their request. I did not want to work tonight. I did not want to cancel on my friends. I did not want to let the folks I work with down. I eventually decided to work (I could use the extra cash and I figured I could resched with my friend). Her response took over an hour...

I cannot tell you the anxiety I experienced in that hour. How angry I was at my work..myself..my friend. To the outside observer, this sounds like an almost benign situation does it not? For me? It made me want to drink. I haven't had a craving in a few weeks..and suddenly this little "upset" disturbed my peace.

I didn't drink...and everything is fine with my friend. But...WOW. Wrangling my emotions in that hour was a "piece of work"..it really was. I'm pretty sure..that with experience, something so ..well...minor..won't cause me such upset.

If you had told me "whilst drinking" that something like that was so "stressy" I would have laughed. I had no clue. I had no clue what anxiety even was. I was unconscious in my life..

How would I know...

BlissWithin

yes, I'm on the learning-how-to-deal-with-my-emotions-phase too

Thepatman

It's a wild ride indeed. I'm actually surprised at myself in a good way.

I earlier talked about my child support financial arrangements with the ex earlier. I usually went in Hulk mode when I drink. I was super calm, she was screaming on the phone. LOL!

PurpleKnight

I know what you mean Holly, it's quite the learning curve!!

gratitude28

Hi Holly,
It took me years to figure out what was "me" and what was the alcohol talking through me. And I have actually really grown to like myself. And I also found out along the way that some things in my life weren't my fault and I was able to straighten out a lot of bad thinking I had. I remember someone said it's like peeling an onion... and it is. You keep finding out more things about yourself and your life.
Big hugs.
Beth