By the Grace of God
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
By the Grace of God
This afternoon I woke up from a nap feeling not very well. I haven't really felt all that great all day. Stuffed up sinuses, congested with an upset stomach. I even thought this morning about a drink and again after the nap.
I sat at my kitchen table, trying to justify giving in. I normally only have made it 5 days in 6 years of my drinking and I thought, well, I guess it wouldn't be any different than all the other times I have tried. (In my 5 day stints, that happened maybe 4 or 5 times in all those years).
I played the tape in my head though, of my last night drinking, six days ago. Slurring my words, literally a fall down drunk as I crashed to the floor after more than 12 beers that night. Made drunken putdowns and insults about how a friend treats his dog and how he is so mean, but had promised earlier in the day that I would take my dog to the park and didn't of course, because I was so busy getting drunk. How hypocritical of me. How selfish.
How swoony in the head I feel when I am drinking and how I feel almost the same way, the day after, with my hangover, bloated and sick and wanting to almost puke, with no energy whatever except to lay on the couch and hope to feel better by evening. How remorseful and depressed, angry, sad, and with a loss of hope in my heart the day after drinking, knowing I have to start all over at Day One.
I played all these things in my head, before heading out the door to either get beer or go get some food for dinner. I thought of how mean and selfish I was that night and have been for seven years, to myself, to others, to my poor dog who I had made a promise to that night. To what my life would be like if I kept drinking. To know that I wouldn't be around for my family, my friends, or my sweet dog who depends on me and loves me so much.
And it is truly by the grace of God that I did not drink today. That I made the right decision. That I went and bought my food for dinner (after gulping lots of orange juice, praying the strong craving for a drink would go away) and came home and am able to sit here and write that I am successful again today. That I have made it through Day 6.
My days 4, 5 and 6 have been very hard and the craving, although I am trying to kill it every time with something sweet (orange juice or candy or both) has been like fighting it tooth and nail.
Thank you God, truly, and to all of you here at SR (I was sitting here reading this site too, while I was contemplating what to do earlier, buy beer or food) for helping me this far. I can't believe I did it. I passed my 5 day "hump."
This craving and desire to drink lessens after a while, right? Because I am finding this to be a battle.
I sat at my kitchen table, trying to justify giving in. I normally only have made it 5 days in 6 years of my drinking and I thought, well, I guess it wouldn't be any different than all the other times I have tried. (In my 5 day stints, that happened maybe 4 or 5 times in all those years).
I played the tape in my head though, of my last night drinking, six days ago. Slurring my words, literally a fall down drunk as I crashed to the floor after more than 12 beers that night. Made drunken putdowns and insults about how a friend treats his dog and how he is so mean, but had promised earlier in the day that I would take my dog to the park and didn't of course, because I was so busy getting drunk. How hypocritical of me. How selfish.
How swoony in the head I feel when I am drinking and how I feel almost the same way, the day after, with my hangover, bloated and sick and wanting to almost puke, with no energy whatever except to lay on the couch and hope to feel better by evening. How remorseful and depressed, angry, sad, and with a loss of hope in my heart the day after drinking, knowing I have to start all over at Day One.
I played all these things in my head, before heading out the door to either get beer or go get some food for dinner. I thought of how mean and selfish I was that night and have been for seven years, to myself, to others, to my poor dog who I had made a promise to that night. To what my life would be like if I kept drinking. To know that I wouldn't be around for my family, my friends, or my sweet dog who depends on me and loves me so much.
And it is truly by the grace of God that I did not drink today. That I made the right decision. That I went and bought my food for dinner (after gulping lots of orange juice, praying the strong craving for a drink would go away) and came home and am able to sit here and write that I am successful again today. That I have made it through Day 6.
My days 4, 5 and 6 have been very hard and the craving, although I am trying to kill it every time with something sweet (orange juice or candy or both) has been like fighting it tooth and nail.
Thank you God, truly, and to all of you here at SR (I was sitting here reading this site too, while I was contemplating what to do earlier, buy beer or food) for helping me this far. I can't believe I did it. I passed my 5 day "hump."
This craving and desire to drink lessens after a while, right? Because I am finding this to be a battle.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
WOW thats what i call a power post cecilia that was so brutally honest and empowering its off the richter
well done you yes the early days are the toughest and there you are being brave enough to post the truth like that
big hugs well done really amazing stuff by the grace of god loved that
WOW
well done you yes the early days are the toughest and there you are being brave enough to post the truth like that
big hugs well done really amazing stuff by the grace of god loved that
WOW
Failure Is Not An Option
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Carmichael, CA
Posts: 244
Hello Cecilia44. Congratulations dealing with cravings. If it helps, I hear physical cravings only last 10-15 minutes. I too have cravings. Actually, discussions with my A/V. Full blown conversations. I've come close to loosing these debates a few times, but my logical voice kicks in & says why? For what? What's in it for me? Impossible to win against logic (I hope).
A win for one (posted here on SR) is a win for all. Thank you for sharing.
A win for one (posted here on SR) is a win for all. Thank you for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: FPO
Posts: 119
Cecelia,
You don't know how much you helped me today.
And, yes, the craving does get better.
Thank you and you are making all the right choices. And for my ten years of sobriety, running through all the ugly scenes of my drunkeness often helped me make the same decision as you.
xo
Beth
You don't know how much you helped me today.
And, yes, the craving does get better.
Thank you and you are making all the right choices. And for my ten years of sobriety, running through all the ugly scenes of my drunkeness often helped me make the same decision as you.
xo
Beth
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