RedDragonfly

I stuffed up, threw weeks of sobriety down the drain :-(

The last few days marked the anniversary of a traumatic event in my life (which I can't talk about yet) and I thought I had it. I thought I was strong enough to get through. But no :-(

Gutted is an understatement. I need to start again, and that makes me feel ashamed. How do you cope with being a failure? :-(

least

You're not a failure, you're a human being. Start over with more knowledge than you had before. Never give up!

Hevyn

Please don't think of yourself that way Dragonfly. Failures don't get back on their feet and try again - they give up and fold up. You didn't. Proud of you for telling what happened and returning for a new start. There's no shame in having a setback. You're going to make it.

LaVallette

For starters, you're only a failure if you've decided to give up quitting. By saying "I need to start again", it sounds like you're getting back on the horse. Good stuff. You are definitely NOT Robinson Crusoe when comes to relapsing, just read around a bit. Reminds me of two Japanese proverbs; "Stumbling seven times, but recovering eight," and "Even monkeys fall from trees." Don't beat yourself up too badly and get on with getting sober!

MariahGayle

Glad your here DragonFly - Be kind to yourself & just move forward.

fini

i make a big distinction between failing at something and being a failure.
that's helpful to me, and more correct, i think.
i fail i stuff i set out to do, but that doesn't make ME a failure.

what's the plan for doing things a bit differently? what can you add?

Soberwolf

You stopped drinking for weeks thats not failure

dust yourself off and try again

good luck

Resolv

Hello RedDragonFly,

Bummer, but, if we can't forgive ourselves, no one will. Regardless if it's falling off the wagon, relationships, fixing your car, etc. Acknowledge something went wrong, make adjustments (try to fix what went wrong) and try again. For me, forgiving myself is easier when I make a good-faith, credible attempt at trying to fix what went wrong. Skipping this step makes me forgiving myself somewhat disingenuous.

SR is the place to be. Post & read often.

Jeremiah2911

Dragonfly, I am in the same boat. I had 10 days today. Started a blog and just figured out that it has only been two years, this October 31, since my mom died. I thought it had been 3 years. For some reason, that just SLAMMED me. I have had a few beers and I'm so disappointed in myself. Why can't I let go of the traumas in my life (my mom's death was one of many).
I'll start over again tomorrow. You can, too. Let's do this thing.

instant

there are no wasted sober days- they cannot be taken away.

In the end I found beating myself up kept me stuck- it undermined my confidence and devalued the efforts I had been making, and the successes I had achieved- making it more likely I would use my "go to" coping mechanism

continue to dream, continue to hope, continue to strive- it is worth the trouble

Cecilia44

Stay positive RedDragonfly. I know how easy it is to get negative and depressed about giving in (believe me), but you don't HAVE to do that. You don't HAVE to beat yourself up about it. Look at it as a learning experience to help prepare you for doing something different next time the situation arises. You made it weeks, you can do it again.

Embrace sobriety (a positive spin on it) and know tomorrow is a new sober good day.

roguedreams

Define failure

For me, failure means that I some point I told myself - and believed within myself - that "I can't do (x)."

Can't - unable. But if you were truly unable, or truly couldn't, then how can you explain your previous three weeks of "can" and "able"?

In that line of logic, you're no failure. Realistically, you probably said "I can't" but meant "I won't". Somewhere in there, there was a choice (subconscious or not). And well, own that choice - because if you take 100% responsibility for (any action), then you have 100% of the control over it, 100% of the ability to change it. Responsibility equates power.

And if you still feel like a failure don't forget that feeling and being are two different things. We are not our emotions; they are just a part of us.

And if you STILL think you failed, let's ask Michael Jordan what he thinks. "I can accept failure ... but I cannot accept not trying again."

I don't mean to come across harsh ... if I do, apologies. Just attempting to be constructively helpful for once.

Dee74

Many of us have faltered a time or two. Changing our life, and the way we respond to things, is hard.

It's not impossible tho - and every stumble is a lesson you can use for next time.

I can't stress enough the importance of reaching out for help and support when you feel vulnerable - and before it's too late.

D

Thepatman

You can do this, don't give up!

I second Dee about reaching out before proceeding, it could make the difference.
If I may add, digging out the root cause and finding a way to deal with the traumatic event(s) is key. Sobriety makes all our suppressed feelings surface, a traumatic event will come back in your mind with an increase intensity specially in early recovery, as your brain is adjusting.

I'm a month in, if you count back to my setback, august 22, is the date i watched my mom take her last breath, years ago. So I have forced myself, sober, to look at pictures I have not seen since her passing and going trough souvenir boxes. Hurts like day 1, why?? Because I never processed it. Drinking wine barrels was an unhealthy way and completely ineffective.

Angel1555

You ACHIEVED several weeks of sobriety, you came back and are recommitting. Two big ACCOMPLISHMENTS. Forgive yourself. Don't look at it just as starting over, but continuing to succeed.

PurpleKnight

Go at it again, you're not a failure!!

You can do this!!