vttodd

Hi! I hope the board can give me some help. Can you ever help a alcoholic that is too far gone? My ex girlfriend is having major psychological problems and still drinks like a fish. Her current boyfriend has beat her so many times I have lost count but she stays with him because he drinks too. She accused me of assault and won in court even know I was at work and she got a two year protection order put on me. She did that so I could not help her quit drinking. That last time I saw her in July she was all over me and kissed me and said I love you. Now she hates me Cant speak to me because of the order,and is flat broke. Her and her current boyfriend live with a eldery man. Can some one please give me there input on this ?

PinkCloudsCharley

In worried for the elderly man. Are they taking care of him or abusing him?

I'm sorry about your situation. Sounds like you need to totally distance yourself and move on. There's nothing you can do for her if she doesn't want help. I'd look into helping that elderly man tho. Do you have social services or someone you can alert?

lillamy

Well -- first of all, not to be harsh, but if you have a 2-year restraining order against you, please, for the love of God, stay away from her. I'm guessing the 2-year restraining order is part of a parole deal where you'll end up in jail if you contact her?

Secondly -- it's nice to want to help, but I think in this case, she's been more than clear that she doesn't want your help. I think the only thing you can do by insisting is getting yourself into more trouble with the law.

Thirdly -- an alcoholic who wants to drink badly enough that she lies under oath to stop you from "helping her stop drinking" clearly does not want to stop.

Let it go and move on with your life.

ResignedToWait

She has a two-year protection order against you...Short of going to court and having the protection order overturned, any "help" you try to offer is breaking the law.

Just move on in life without her.

MIRecovery

If she is your Ex why are you involved in her life at all either good or bad? She sounds to me someone that I would be glad to have out of my life.

AnvilheadII

Leave her alone.

Dojang

There is nothing you can do to stop her drinking. Only she can make that decision. Just remember, ANY violation of the protective order is mandatory arrest. I work for the court & see people get arrested for this all the time.

Eauchiche

You might be interested in a series of books entitled: "Getting Them Sober." The title is a little misleading, as the books have more to do with getting your own head straight, than getting them sober. They will tell you how an alcoholic thinks. There is a scenario in book one, similar to yours, where an alcoholic ex keeps you "on the hook" for selfish reasons.
Good luck!

robgt350

she is your EX,, she has a protection order against you and she knows she lied to get it??

i would stay far away from her, what do you want to be accused of next? Rape, assault, kidnapping, ect ect.
Stay away from her bro.

Hammer

Well vttodd,

If you have read down this far, and are still looking for a different answer, it will not help for me to tell you more of the same everyone else did.

So. Let me give you what you may want to hear. Go over to their house. Scream at her boyfriend. Get beat up. Get thrown in jail for breaking the restraint order.

Maybe that will cure it.

vttodd

Well I am NOT going to do anything stupid. But The police was at my house last night. They were asking me questions about her. The elderly man pulled a gun on both of them last night and he went to jail. I just don't understand why she turned so fast on me. July she loved me and want to work things out with me and now BAM! hit with a protection order WTF!!! She has gone down hill so fast, gained a lot of weight, not colored her hair in months she used to be a size 8 now I guess she is a size 16 or 18.Is this what alcohol does to someones life???????

Dojang

Yes, this is what alcoholism does to someone's life. But it won't stay like this, it will get worse.

biminiblue

Stop.

Who cares what she does?

MOVE ON. Get her out of your head.

Get some therapy, dude. Get to AlAnon or do something - you're not thinking clearly at all.

iamthird

Alcoholism untreated is progressive. The people we love become unrecognizeable. That I think is the hardest thing for me to grasp is that although it looks like the same person, they are no longer there mentally or emotionally. I know it hurts.

SeriousKarma

Vttodd, you've been on this forum on and off since 2011.

Although your time here seems to be almost exclusively dealing with your own personal issues, as apposed to commenting on other member's threads, I don't see much in regards to you mentioning anything having to do with trying to obtain personal growth or development.

It's quite possible that I'm missing something. So let me ask you this in a very straight way:

Since 2011, what exactly have you done in terms of therapy, alanon, celebrate recovery, anything, to distance yourself from this highly toxic relationship?

Hammer

Really sounds like you are dealing with Mental Illness.

Goes beyond simple alcohol issues, but then again even Alcoholism itself is a Mental Illness . . ..

You are dealing with a Brain Disorder.

Do not take my word for it . . . . Top Doc in the Land on the subject >>>

The impacts of alcoholism on family members and friends - Al-Anon interview with Dr. George Koob - YouTube

vttodd

Okay I have been to therapy and alalon. WE got back together Nov 2013 and she left Dec 2013 for 6 months in rehab in Florida. We talked everyday while she was gone and even went to Florida several times to see her. When she got back we planned our wedding for June BUT she started drinking again because she said the stress of planning everything got to her. She packed everything up in June and left.Then she met another alcoholic and then this. I am just confused why this happened????????? Even in court she told the judge she still loves me

SeriousKarma

How much therapy? How much Alanon?

biminiblue

We don't get answers to "Why?" when we break up with someone.

Especially when there is a court order telling you not to contact.

No one here is a mind-reader.

53500

vttodd, all over this forum you will read that you should pay attention to actions, not to words. Her words mean nothing. Her actions mean everything. Her actions say (1) "I am seriously mentally disturbed" and (2) "Stay away from me or go to jail"

Listen to her actions. Stay the f away from her. Sorry to be blunt, it's clear you are hung up on her but you need to let her go.