tornrealization

I've been on here for awhile. I've been avoiding here for awhile. About 5 weeks ago, I decided to get drunk and call into work, my husband was livid so I took a box cutter ( I don't even REMEMBER this!!) to my wrists. He came home, sobbing and took me to ER and I had stiches (I feel so bad I did this to him) Our vacation was cancelled, he told my inlaws, I confessed to my dad -well not the cutting part - and then here I am agreeing to secret drinks. Hubby likes drinks so we now secret drink.



Why can I master school and work and not this?

Damn.

SoberLeigh

Hi Torn - I am glad that you posted; I have been thinking about you.

Did the ER recommend any follow-up therapy/counselling for you when you were in for stitches?

JustCrusade

You can master school/work and not alcoholism because two of those things are able to be mastered, and sadly alcoholism is not.

I'm glad you are okay, but secret drinking is most likely not a behavior you want to be engaging in after the incident 5 weeks ago.

Do you think that would have even happened had you not gotten drunk before hand? The decisions we make while drunk rob us of who we are when we are sober and do not accurately represent who we truly are.

Stick around, read and post. I can say for 100% sure if you go into recovery (abstinence) from alcohol you will eventually no longer feel the need to "master" it, but instead just live your life happily.

tornrealization

Yes SL - and I already have a 2Grand bill from the stupid therapy where counselors talked about supposedly dumb mexicans, having loaded guns, and horrible stuff I just don't understand why I'm paying money for this. I tried so hard to get help and got vile racist response. I guess I'm falling apart right now, that's good instead of accepting drinks.

I'm very pissed about the racism I encounterd.

SoberLeigh

Torn - that is awful; is there somewhere you can register a complaint; that is unprofessional and totally unacceptable conduct.

Soberwolf

Really nice to meet you

so sorry to hear that keep on posting

it really helps

3arai

Hi Torn
Just so I understand your original post...
You and your husband drink together?

tornrealization

Yes. He is scarred though. He texts me every hour and after 5 weeks first time he went out alone. That's not fair to him but he likes the drinks.

Thepatman

I am sorry about your struggles. The therapist, well just fire him/her.

Take care a keep posting.

Blessings

tornrealization

I know - I will and continue to find a good therapist. Nobody is happy about this, and drinking doesn't work. Thankyou guys.

Anna

You're right that drinking doesn't work. And, if your husband likes to drink, it doesn't mean you have to drink as well. I hope you find a good therapist.

VikingGF

Hi, Torn-
Welcome back and so sorry for your trouble. I went through your old posts and your husband has a history of encouraging you to drink, even though he has seen the results several times. I guess the question is how much do you want to quit and what steps can you take without his support- because it seems you don't have it. This is a hard enough life change WITH support, let alone if someone is actively encouraging you to drink. Can you have a serious talk with him? It sounds like you are in the fight for your life- I hope you get the help that you need.

tornrealization

I just don't what to do anymore. I'm sick of crying and also being the bad guy.

EndGameNYC

Huh. It's possible that your husband doesn't want to be the new "bad guy," were you to get sober.

Just sayin'.

Dee74

I'm really sorry for all you've been through TE.
Don't put yourself through anymore.

Do everything you can to stop drinking - is rehab an option at all, for example?

D

VikingGF

First, you have to stop drinking and stop listening when your husband says to have a drink. There are no bad guys here, just you wanting a better life for yourself. Sometimes our choices don't fit in with the choices of others, that doesn't make us "bad" for ruining the so-called party. It's no party for lots of us. It's a slow, painful death. You are choosing to live and be strong. The more you DO NOT drink, the stronger you will feel. Keep coming here and posting. I sat on this site for hours a day in the early weeks, it really helps. The people here really care, and you will make connections with some of them. We are all in the same boat, right?

Find a good therapist who isn't a racist idiot. No one deserves such treatment. Its extremely unethical and downright immoral. Makes me angry for you.

Just stick around. I'll be looking for your posts. You can do this.

tornrealization

How does one find a good therapist?

tornrealization

I never ever thought I would cut myself and I have huge red marks, I cant stop crying.

EndGameNYC

It's clear that you're in a great deal of pain, and for that I'm sorry.

Is your current counselor part of an outpatient drug and alcohol treatment facility or in private practice?

Although I don't follow this practice, many therapists post their areas of expertise online, and you can often find reviews of those people on the Internet as well. You can also call your contact your local office of mental health and request referrals. In many cases, you'll get a supportive presence on the other end of the phone who can help you sort all this out...meaning, your finding a reputable and capable therapist.

Dee74

You can absolutely work your way back from this TR. Many of us have
D