Guilty
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
Guilty
Well I am at day 13 and relearning emotions. While drinking, I could make sarcastic comments to people and not care how it made them feel. All I cared about was the reaction from others. I made fun of a guys shirt last night, all in a joking manner, I called it Ernie and Bert-ish, causing a reaction and he looked, sad and disappointed. I apologized. I went back to work riddled with guilt. I came out later and, of course apologized again, then struck up friendly conversation to show I meant know harm. It's the next day. I'm sure he forgot about it. Why haven't I?
I recall this guilt feeling a lot before I began drinking heavily. I believe it's one of the feelings I try to drown. As for now, how do I get rid of it? Is there literature on this? Seasoned members, how do I get rid of this. This could break it for me. There is no reason to be hanging on to this but my brain insists on hanging on. And I feel it in my heart.
I recall this guilt feeling a lot before I began drinking heavily. I believe it's one of the feelings I try to drown. As for now, how do I get rid of it? Is there literature on this? Seasoned members, how do I get rid of this. This could break it for me. There is no reason to be hanging on to this but my brain insists on hanging on. And I feel it in my heart.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
If you don't do things that make you feel guilty, you don't feel guilty.
Well, you will feel guilty for all that stuff that's already on the books, though. But that all fades quite a bit over time. I think you need to make sure that what's getting written "on the books" as it were is all good stuff, going forward, and eventually you don't have regretful, shameful, cruel behavior in your recent past, it's all good (or at least not bad!) stuff, and you feel pretty good about yourself.
I always liked Ernie's striped shirt, that was like, a favorite thing of mine, when I was a little kid. Wear that Ernie-and-Bert-ish shirt with pride, man!
Well, you will feel guilty for all that stuff that's already on the books, though. But that all fades quite a bit over time. I think you need to make sure that what's getting written "on the books" as it were is all good stuff, going forward, and eventually you don't have regretful, shameful, cruel behavior in your recent past, it's all good (or at least not bad!) stuff, and you feel pretty good about yourself.
I always liked Ernie's striped shirt, that was like, a favorite thing of mine, when I was a little kid. Wear that Ernie-and-Bert-ish shirt with pride, man!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
It was a cute shirt. And it was on a rather attractive country guy. Ernie never looked so good. I will think before I speak from now on, try anyway. And hopefully, this incident will fade from me. I picked on the nicest, sweetest guy in this small town.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I think it's a question of learning to live with the feelings.
Feelings are just feelings and they don't control us. You can feel the guilt when you've made someone uncomfortable, recognize it, learn from it and then let it go.
I also found that journaling really helped me to deal with negative emotions.
Feelings are just feelings and they don't control us. You can feel the guilt when you've made someone uncomfortable, recognize it, learn from it and then let it go.
I also found that journaling really helped me to deal with negative emotions.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi countrygirl,
I'm actually someone who loves sarcasm and I think I get it most of the time. I have some colleagues, for example, that are similar in this regard, and we often have a great time making fun of each-other and stressful situations at work. But I've learned that people's sense of humor is different, and often it's better to refrain from these kinds of comments. Also, as you probably realize, humor is sometimes a sort of self defense and we mask uncomfortable feelings with it within ourselves, so better think before we say something...
I think you have done it right to apologize to that person and as you said, he's probably more over it than you are - I think we can discern this from others' attitude and behavior. How to neutralize the guilt you feel about hurting others, if you really feel a need for that and can't let it go? Do something nice for them! Let go of the past incident, and express your appreciation in something new. This is similar to what 12-step programs call "making amends", I think. I never worked the steps formally but I really like this part of the program. I am very guilt-prone myself so it's a good way to deal with it when it's reasonable.
I'm actually someone who loves sarcasm and I think I get it most of the time. I have some colleagues, for example, that are similar in this regard, and we often have a great time making fun of each-other and stressful situations at work. But I've learned that people's sense of humor is different, and often it's better to refrain from these kinds of comments. Also, as you probably realize, humor is sometimes a sort of self defense and we mask uncomfortable feelings with it within ourselves, so better think before we say something...
I think you have done it right to apologize to that person and as you said, he's probably more over it than you are - I think we can discern this from others' attitude and behavior. How to neutralize the guilt you feel about hurting others, if you really feel a need for that and can't let it go? Do something nice for them! Let go of the past incident, and express your appreciation in something new. This is similar to what 12-step programs call "making amends", I think. I never worked the steps formally but I really like this part of the program. I am very guilt-prone myself so it's a good way to deal with it when it's reasonable.
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