Concerned about 7 yr.,old grandson
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Gaithersburg, MD
Posts: 1
Concerned about 7 yr.,old grandson
Hello,
My 29 yr.old daughter who lives here, at home, with her 7 yr. old son is an alcoholic. At around 4:00 this morning my grandson came into our bed. I went and looked in his room and his mother was not there. I went downstairs and she was laying halfway out of the bathroom with the smell of alcohol. I have never seen her like this! (She works at a restaurant at night and usually comes straight home). I couldn't wake her up. I went to get my husband and as he came out of our room she was crawling up the stairs and went into her room. My grandson came to the room and asked what was wrong with mommy. I said she has the flew and that's why we had a trash can by the bed. His grandpa told him to lay down with him and Mimi (me) would take care of mommy. At first I was talking harsh to her about why she did this and she has a son to take care of. I was upsetting her and she put her arms out for a hug. I turned my attitude around and hugged her and told her I love her. She cried and kept telling me She loved me too. I covered her and she went to sleep.
I went on the Internet and opened this link and started reading the chats. I learned that I am to give my daughter love and support instead of being negative, like I was. I learned that I am to let go of her and let her solve her problems, but what do I do about my grandson. He doesnt know what is going on. Whenever he is with his dad, that's when my daughter gets drunk because she has the opportunity to go out. We take care of my grandson every night whe she works. My grandsons father always has an excuse not to watch him.
Thisnisnall new to me and I don't know how to go about it. I can give my daughter love and learn how to support her, through this chat room, but what do I do for my grandson.
My daughter is suppose to move out next month and I am so worried for my grandson. Could you please give me some suggestions.
Thank you and God Bless You.
My 29 yr.old daughter who lives here, at home, with her 7 yr. old son is an alcoholic. At around 4:00 this morning my grandson came into our bed. I went and looked in his room and his mother was not there. I went downstairs and she was laying halfway out of the bathroom with the smell of alcohol. I have never seen her like this! (She works at a restaurant at night and usually comes straight home). I couldn't wake her up. I went to get my husband and as he came out of our room she was crawling up the stairs and went into her room. My grandson came to the room and asked what was wrong with mommy. I said she has the flew and that's why we had a trash can by the bed. His grandpa told him to lay down with him and Mimi (me) would take care of mommy. At first I was talking harsh to her about why she did this and she has a son to take care of. I was upsetting her and she put her arms out for a hug. I turned my attitude around and hugged her and told her I love her. She cried and kept telling me She loved me too. I covered her and she went to sleep.
I went on the Internet and opened this link and started reading the chats. I learned that I am to give my daughter love and support instead of being negative, like I was. I learned that I am to let go of her and let her solve her problems, but what do I do about my grandson. He doesnt know what is going on. Whenever he is with his dad, that's when my daughter gets drunk because she has the opportunity to go out. We take care of my grandson every night whe she works. My grandsons father always has an excuse not to watch him.
Thisnisnall new to me and I don't know how to go about it. I can give my daughter love and learn how to support her, through this chat room, but what do I do for my grandson.
My daughter is suppose to move out next month and I am so worried for my grandson. Could you please give me some suggestions.
Thank you and God Bless You.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 848
Well unfortunately it has to be her that makes the choice to stop drinking. I know firsthand that a spouse/loved one yelling at me only makes me drink to oblivion. (Not that it's in any way your fault!)
I think the best way to go about it is to have a calm chat about the situation when she is SOBER. When she's drunk she's not going to absorb that information like you want her to.
My wife brought up the fact that I shattered my tv and cell phone during one drunken episode that cost us like $2000. That is minor compared to the scarring of a poor child's eyes though.
There's a section on here for alcoholic family members. I don't know where though. I'm sure someone will know it. Good luck and I'm sorry this is happening to you all.
I think the best way to go about it is to have a calm chat about the situation when she is SOBER. When she's drunk she's not going to absorb that information like you want her to.
My wife brought up the fact that I shattered my tv and cell phone during one drunken episode that cost us like $2000. That is minor compared to the scarring of a poor child's eyes though.
There's a section on here for alcoholic family members. I don't know where though. I'm sure someone will know it. Good luck and I'm sorry this is happening to you all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I am glad you found us.. Welcome.
Please, read all you can about alcoholism. Talk to your daughter about getting help.
You cannot make her quit drinking , but you can do things in a way that doesn't make it easier for her to do it. My parents were both alcoholics and my childhood was one of fear, secrets, and instability. My grandma was our savior, and came to our aid many many times.
Your grandson is blessed to have you and his grandpa to watch out for him. Children suffer so much when a parent is abusing alcohol.
Please know you will find understanding and support here. there are many who are in your shoes. You are not alone.
Please, read all you can about alcoholism. Talk to your daughter about getting help.
You cannot make her quit drinking , but you can do things in a way that doesn't make it easier for her to do it. My parents were both alcoholics and my childhood was one of fear, secrets, and instability. My grandma was our savior, and came to our aid many many times.
Your grandson is blessed to have you and his grandpa to watch out for him. Children suffer so much when a parent is abusing alcohol.
Please know you will find understanding and support here. there are many who are in your shoes. You are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Welcome, Redeemer, to SR; I am very glad that you found us. I have found this site and the amazing people here to be a wonderful source of support, encouragement and understanding.
There is a Friends and Family forum where your post would receive the most pertinent responses; you may want to copy and re-post your questions on that forum or a moderator will be around later and move it for you.
I am so sorry that you and your family are experiencing the effects of alcoholism. Your post touched my heart as I have a 7 year old grandson, too - 7 today actually. My suggestion would be to be there for your young man as much as possible to provide a consistent source of stability; he is lucky to have such a caring grandmother. For your daughter, my suggestion would be to guide her to help - her doctor, therapy, AA, rehab, etc. And there is Alanon for you and your husband.
I hope that everything works out well for your daughter; recovery is very possible. Have a look at the recovery stories on this site. I am almost 3 years sober and I absolutely love and cherish my sobriety; I will pray that your daughter will too.
There is a Friends and Family forum where your post would receive the most pertinent responses; you may want to copy and re-post your questions on that forum or a moderator will be around later and move it for you.
I am so sorry that you and your family are experiencing the effects of alcoholism. Your post touched my heart as I have a 7 year old grandson, too - 7 today actually. My suggestion would be to be there for your young man as much as possible to provide a consistent source of stability; he is lucky to have such a caring grandmother. For your daughter, my suggestion would be to guide her to help - her doctor, therapy, AA, rehab, etc. And there is Alanon for you and your husband.
I hope that everything works out well for your daughter; recovery is very possible. Have a look at the recovery stories on this site. I am almost 3 years sober and I absolutely love and cherish my sobriety; I will pray that your daughter will too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 819
I would talk to her about her drinking when she is sober. Explain to her the effect this has on her son. The key is to do it in a loving and supportive way. What kind of support can you offer her if she agrees to get sober? Can you take care of your grandson for a while if she goes to rehab? Can you attend AA meetings with her?
Be prepared for some opposition. The addicive voice in her head is going to be fighting for control and relapse does happen even with the alcoholic trying to be sober.
Early sobriety is a difficult time. Your daughter is going to need a lot of support, patience and love. And so is your grandson. You are clearly already giving those things.
Start by talking to her, keep coming here and you can also show her this site. We are all alcoholics here so we understand.
Be prepared for some opposition. The addicive voice in her head is going to be fighting for control and relapse does happen even with the alcoholic trying to be sober.
Early sobriety is a difficult time. Your daughter is going to need a lot of support, patience and love. And so is your grandson. You are clearly already giving those things.
Start by talking to her, keep coming here and you can also show her this site. We are all alcoholics here so we understand.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Redeemer 
I merged your two threads
It's not clear to me whether this has happened before or if it's a once off. Can you talk to your daughter and perhaps express your concerns?
It won;t be an easy conversation but quite rightly you have your grandsons well being in mind.
I know you'll find support and understanding here too.
You are very welcome to post in this forum by the way - Newcomers forum is for everyone
D
I merged your two threads
It's not clear to me whether this has happened before or if it's a once off. Can you talk to your daughter and perhaps express your concerns?
It won;t be an easy conversation but quite rightly you have your grandsons well being in mind.
I know you'll find support and understanding here too.
You are very welcome to post in this forum by the way - Newcomers forum is for everyone
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I am glad you found your way here. There is a wonderful family and friends forum with a lot of wisdom. You are not alone.
Sadly, alcohol abuse affects by an individual affects many people. It is always troubling to see the natural confusion and fear that young children in such situations develop. Your grandson is lucky to have you.
Alcoholism is progressive, it gets worse over time. The only known treatment for alcoholism is abstinence at this point. Your daughter is likely aware that she has a problem, but denial is a big part of the problem. She is the one who needs to make the choice to quit drinking, but she is not the only one affected. When children are involved I believe it is important that responsible adults become their advocates.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother. Same type of story, passed out on the floor, black eyes from falls., etc. It affected me in a profound way. But, I did not have another adult to guide me, to tell me I would be okay, to make me feel safe. Your grandson has that in you and that can make a big difference. However, if your daughter is moving out this type of incident can leave him in harm's way.
I hope you take some time to read and post on the family and friends forum here. Understanding what is going on is so important for all of you. The additional complication of an person who is abusing alcohol being the sole caretaker for a young child is a serious one. You might also consider Al-anon. It is for loved ones of alcoholics and is a way to find support amongst others who are going through similar situations.
Sadly, alcohol abuse affects by an individual affects many people. It is always troubling to see the natural confusion and fear that young children in such situations develop. Your grandson is lucky to have you.
Alcoholism is progressive, it gets worse over time. The only known treatment for alcoholism is abstinence at this point. Your daughter is likely aware that she has a problem, but denial is a big part of the problem. She is the one who needs to make the choice to quit drinking, but she is not the only one affected. When children are involved I believe it is important that responsible adults become their advocates.
I grew up with an alcoholic mother. Same type of story, passed out on the floor, black eyes from falls., etc. It affected me in a profound way. But, I did not have another adult to guide me, to tell me I would be okay, to make me feel safe. Your grandson has that in you and that can make a big difference. However, if your daughter is moving out this type of incident can leave him in harm's way.
I hope you take some time to read and post on the family and friends forum here. Understanding what is going on is so important for all of you. The additional complication of an person who is abusing alcohol being the sole caretaker for a young child is a serious one. You might also consider Al-anon. It is for loved ones of alcoholics and is a way to find support amongst others who are going through similar situations.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
