My SR birthday!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The Bright Side of the Moon
Posts: 528
My SR birthday!
It was actually yesterday, but I'm going to celebrate today. I was too busy and tired yesterday.
A week or two ago, I was looking through my early posts to see how far I've come and what I've learned. I really am doing better.
Last night, I was lying in bed with my 2yo and holding him. I said, "I'm so happy I'm your Mama. So happy." I was smiling so big. I honestly don't remember the last time I said I was happy. I thought about how far I'd come. I still hurt a lot. I still miss the person I thought X was, but the pain is so much less than it used to be. I decided to look at my old texts from X to compare this time last year to this time now. It kind of dampened my mood, because a little over a year ago he sent me this crushing text that he "wrote to someone else" about how he wasn't even attracted to me anymore.
I hate what brought me here to SR, but I love what SR has done for me. Al Anon is great for learning to heal oneself, but I feel like I've learned very little about the disease of alcoholism in Al Anon. I've learned so much about it here. It has helped me so much to put things into perspective.
I also noticed how much SR has helped me with boundaries. Like big time. I've been going to a support group for survivors of intimate partner abuse. This week our topic was boundaries. I am new to the group, but I feel like I was able to share a lot of wisdom about boundaries. .Before SR, I hadn't a clue about boundaries. I didn't get it. I thought it was all about, "How do I make people (mainly X) respect my boundaries?" I was surprised to find that there ain't a damn thing I can do about the other party in respect to my boundaries and that the responsibility lies completely with me. I am the one who has to respect my limits. I learned that boundaries hurt (at least right now), because they often mean distancing or cutting out contact with people we really love.
Boundaries take courage. I hated sticking to my boundaries at first because I was afraid I would make X angry or hate me. Well, I don't know if he hates me, but he was definitely angry when I started respecting the boundaries I set. SR really gave me a lot of that courage it took to do the right thing and set my biggest boundary of all, protection of my child. Without my doctor, therapist, SR and certain understanding friends, I might have let X's reactions and Yosemite Sam tantrums sway me to relax my boundaries and accept more completely unacceptable behavior from him. I might not have pursued my restrictive parenting plan. That is crazy to think of. I was putting my son in danger every time I placed him in the hands of a drunk. I knew it. It caused me anxiety. Still I let it happen for awhile because I wanted to keep my man so badly. Crazy!
Anther thing, you've done for me, SR is give me a chance to exercise my new knowledge and strength when I help a newcomer who is as heartbroken as I was. When I share my ESH, I realize that I have ESH. That helps me so much to feel better about myself. It helps me to measure my growth.
I love you, SR. I love a variety of opinions and responses. I love the humor. I love the understanding and unity.
You helped save me from the depths of despair. You helped me realize that someone else's problem is not a reflection of my worth as a human.
Of my three birthdays this year (Al Anon, birth, SR), this one is my favorite.
A week or two ago, I was looking through my early posts to see how far I've come and what I've learned. I really am doing better.
Last night, I was lying in bed with my 2yo and holding him. I said, "I'm so happy I'm your Mama. So happy." I was smiling so big. I honestly don't remember the last time I said I was happy. I thought about how far I'd come. I still hurt a lot. I still miss the person I thought X was, but the pain is so much less than it used to be. I decided to look at my old texts from X to compare this time last year to this time now. It kind of dampened my mood, because a little over a year ago he sent me this crushing text that he "wrote to someone else" about how he wasn't even attracted to me anymore.
I hate what brought me here to SR, but I love what SR has done for me. Al Anon is great for learning to heal oneself, but I feel like I've learned very little about the disease of alcoholism in Al Anon. I've learned so much about it here. It has helped me so much to put things into perspective.
I also noticed how much SR has helped me with boundaries. Like big time. I've been going to a support group for survivors of intimate partner abuse. This week our topic was boundaries. I am new to the group, but I feel like I was able to share a lot of wisdom about boundaries. .Before SR, I hadn't a clue about boundaries. I didn't get it. I thought it was all about, "How do I make people (mainly X) respect my boundaries?" I was surprised to find that there ain't a damn thing I can do about the other party in respect to my boundaries and that the responsibility lies completely with me. I am the one who has to respect my limits. I learned that boundaries hurt (at least right now), because they often mean distancing or cutting out contact with people we really love.
Boundaries take courage. I hated sticking to my boundaries at first because I was afraid I would make X angry or hate me. Well, I don't know if he hates me, but he was definitely angry when I started respecting the boundaries I set. SR really gave me a lot of that courage it took to do the right thing and set my biggest boundary of all, protection of my child. Without my doctor, therapist, SR and certain understanding friends, I might have let X's reactions and Yosemite Sam tantrums sway me to relax my boundaries and accept more completely unacceptable behavior from him. I might not have pursued my restrictive parenting plan. That is crazy to think of. I was putting my son in danger every time I placed him in the hands of a drunk. I knew it. It caused me anxiety. Still I let it happen for awhile because I wanted to keep my man so badly. Crazy!
Anther thing, you've done for me, SR is give me a chance to exercise my new knowledge and strength when I help a newcomer who is as heartbroken as I was. When I share my ESH, I realize that I have ESH. That helps me so much to feel better about myself. It helps me to measure my growth.
I love you, SR. I love a variety of opinions and responses. I love the humor. I love the understanding and unity.
You helped save me from the depths of despair. You helped me realize that someone else's problem is not a reflection of my worth as a human.Of my three birthdays this year (Al Anon, birth, SR), this one is my favorite.
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