Gracey

I have never realized how much I need to be needed……..I am going to work on that…..I have spent my whole life trying to please other people to make them happy and would bend over backwards to help someone else…….I have been so busy trying to make everyone else happy, including my children……..that has been a full time job…the people I am going to start with first is my own kids……..I don’t have to feel guilty for saying nooooooooooo……..I don’t have to do everything they ask of me………(they need me and they love me) and they need a healthy mom…..I want them to be independent, and I don’t want them to need other people the way I do…..

1. Everyone that comes into my life, I bend over backwards for them…….because I do good things for them (they like me) there is a whole lot more to me then doing things for other people….

2. I always think my thoughts and ideas are stupid and most of the time don’t give them, for fear of someone laughing at them or making fun of them…..(Mainly in social environments amongst my co-workers and peers)

3. I am afraid if my husband gets better that he is not going to need me anymore….He does need me in unhealthy ways…….you know where I am at……..whewwwwwwwwwww what a combo….

4. when my husband is trying to get better……I get scared……..for some dumb reason I hope he don’t make it……..cause if he does where will that leave me…….(boy am I pathetic)

I don’t like these realizations, I don’t like the way I am thinking…..I am learning a whole new perspective of letting goooooooooooo….and I am scared

bikewench

Hey Breece...

Your not the only one that's scared. ;o)

But... you sound like you've got the right thoughts behind you now... and I think if we just take baby steps... we'll get to a better place.. better than the one we're in anyway..

I have to ask myself...

What's the worst that can happen????

splendra

(((((breec)))))
I know all too well the needing to be needed syndrome and as Ophra calls it the disesase to please... But, the good news is I am getting over it and so can you!!!

Go to some alanon meetings start doing things you like. But, first you might have to go thru the process of finding what it is you do like. It will be fun. It is good for your kids to learn the word no. It sounds like you have gotten started so just keep going.

Don't worry about your H's recovery the chances are good that he will want to stay around. If not you will be ok especially if you get the help you need to get on with your life. Get to a meeting just as soon as you can and find out what you have been missing which is knowing who you are and what you need. Feel the fear and do it anyway the really good stuff is out there waiting for you to discover!!! Here's lots of hugs and prayers coming your way. Keep posting and you will find that you can post those fears right out of your head.

journeygal

(((((Breec3))))))

You are not pathetic so put that negative thought out of your mind right now!

I could have written most of your post. I feel much as you do, and it was very painful to realize I feared that Jack would get better and wouldn't need me anymore. But the awareness you have gained will help you move forward. It is scary b/c it puts us in some unknown territory, but it's a much healthier place to be in.

Change is a good thing - try to remember that.

Hugs,
JG

jessieandme2003

I know exactly what you are saying.

Allowing myself to acknowledge this was a big step for me, because once I admitted it and faced it, I started to explore it a bit.

How healthy could my relationship be if I had no sense of security? Where I didn't trust him to love me and stand beside me just because I knew he wanted to be nowhere else?

Heck, I didn't know that at all. I pretty much knew he OFTEN wanted to be somewhere else, and I made him come home, or stay home, or do things with me when he'd rather be at the bar.

I realized I really knew, deep down insude, he was only with me because he needed what I provided.

I realized I wanted someone who would love me and want to be with me, without my having to manipulate and control him in order to make that so.