WOW AM I an ACOA?

Old 09-17-2014, 08:09 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Learning to LIve
Thread Starter
 
LSC1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NSW Australia
Posts: 908
Question WOW AM I an ACOA?

I just did a quiz of characteristics of ACOA. I scored 19/20 yes'. That is 95%. :wow:

Yes my Dad drank. I assume he drank daily. I really can't remember. I never saw him drunk. I never saw him slur his words. He was never an angry drunk. I think he treated my Mum well. She died when I was 15. i know he drank more after her death. My memory of my childhood is mostly good. It is vague.

I am an alcoholic. I stopped drinking 2 years ago.

I am married to an alcoholic. The marriage is mediocre to say the least.

I can't help ask myself. Did my Dad's drinking have a significant impact on me. Eithout me ever realising it ?
LSC1 is offline  
Old 09-18-2014, 02:18 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
I would say if the quiz you took is an accurate one than yes you are probably an ACoA
happybeingme is offline  
Old 09-18-2014, 07:07 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 179
I assume if you scored that many on the test, you probably identify with the traits? If do, don't worry about labeling it. Just look at the program and decide if there is application to your life.

You have been sober for 2 years, that's great! But you mention your marriage is mediocre. Maybe The ACOA program can help you take control of your feelings. You can't control your spouse, but you can control how you react to your spouse. And maybe you can take some steps to improve your side of the street.

Good luck on whatever you decide, and if you have questions ask away.
Mracoa is offline  
Old 09-18-2014, 07:41 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Search4Serenity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 56
When I was young, I always thought my family was "totally normal." And my childhood had its moments--I had some really great times. It had its ups and downs like any other time in life.

For me, when my life felt like it was getting completely out of control--and I made the decision that I needed help based on relationship difficulties--I went to a therapist. She had me pegged--completely correctly right away and pointed me in the direction of Al-Anon and ACoA. I was so surprised when I was reading the laundry list. I exhibit most of the characteristics to a high degree. That was about the time that I realized that my dad's drinking definitely had an impact on the family.

I've made a lot of progress--went through a lot of pain in coming to terms with my childhood--and I *still* have so many problems with relationships. My codependent stuff always causes trouble for me--even when I think it isn't--it still does. I'm in kind of a bad position in connection to my romantic relationship (which incidentally is anything but...lol) because my codependency issues have a way of leaking out whenever I think they won't. Even when I think they aren't--they are.

So anyway, I agree with Mracoa that the labeling isn't all that important. I always just look at the tendencies that I have that don't always serve me well. I didn't have any good teachers when it came to relationships--not really my fault, but it is my responsibility to try and identify when those tendencies are subconsciously creeping in--so I know that those responses aren't the only choice. Admittedly, I'm often not successful, but that's a good reason to keep trying.
Search4Serenity is offline  
Old 09-18-2014, 08:08 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
OGK
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 71
"I didn't have any good teachers when it came to relationships--not really my fault, but it is my responsibility to try and identify when those tendencies are subconsciously creeping in--so I know that those responses aren't the only choice. Admittedly, I'm often not successful, but that's a good reason to keep trying."

That right there sums it up for me. Identifying and correcting what was so engrained is proving to more difficult than I ever could imagine but yes, good reason for me to keep trying as just a little progress really goes a long way. Thanks for sharing that S4S.
OGK is offline  
Old 09-18-2014, 08:29 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
OGK
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 71
"My memory of my childhood is mostly good. It is vague.", LSC1.

This is how I viewed my childhood as well but mostly because I took great pride in building up a fortress to imagine it to be, mostly good and "deceptively" vague. Just MY perspective on your thoughts, not assuming that to be the case for you, respectfully. Although I scored 100% on ANY quiz related to childhood trauma/abuse and dysfunction, the traits or scores remained a label for a while as I used that info. to simply place blame on the actors. Real progress for me started to come when I could connect certain REAL childhood events to the traits I identified with. Those connections then allowed me to confirm that "I" wasn't my fault and therefore meant I could correct the behavior and begin to re tool myself.

Identifying with just one of the traits is painful enough yet alone scoring in the top of the class so mind your spirit as you continue to explore. Thank you for sharing, your thoughts are much appreciated and they help me to confirm that I am not alone in "this".
OGK is offline  
Old 09-18-2014, 08:40 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
OGK
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 71
"I would say if the quiz you took is an accurate one than yes you are probably an ACoA" HBM.

I found my original birth certificate while investigating my past and sure enough, my real first name is "An". All makes sense now
OGK is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:00 PM.