aasharon90

Hello SR Family, Friends, those far and
near, newcomers, old-timers, and everyone
inbetween.

I was thinking about this topic earlier
and thought it would be good to post
it to help those who are having trouble
asking for what they need in life for fear
of rejection or turned down or away.

We all need something in our life, during
our day, in our relationships, marriages,
work, families, even here in SR.

We need to know that it is okay to ask
for what we need in life. Maybe a kiss
or a hug, directions, suggestions, understanding,
quiet, a bath, talk to someone, fresh air,
exercise and so much more.

Once you get into the habit of asking
for what you need in life then when
something not so good in life happens,
you'll be able to simply ask for what you
need.

I'll begin with....

I NEED oh wait, I already had one...lol

alphaomega

I was just reflecting on this exact thing ! Recently I had a breakdown moment, where I more "demanded" than asked for a reprieve. I was granted it. Because I. Asked.

Excellent topic Sharon. Thank you !

sickofthiscrap

Thanks for this post. I have been thinking a lot about this issue lately. I struggle with asking for what I need... I think it has roots in my family of origin, very dysfunctional, my mother was an alcoholic and my father was physically and emotionally absent. When I asked for what I needed people always got angry with me and told me to go away.
Over the years I learned that if I had my bottle I didn't need anything else. Now here I am, naked, without my bottle... relearning how to ask for what I need, or trying to. It's not easy is it?

Nonsensical

For more than 20 years I have been supervising young military personnel and I often give them this piece of advice:

If you get everything you are asking for, you are not asking for enough.

Climber122

Yes I have known many alcoholics who have trouble asking for help. I do this too, even after years of sobriety. I had an emotional meltdown a couple months ago and when I finally called my sponsor for help (after suffering for weeks) he reminded me that I need to call him BEFORE things reach "critical." A simple 30 mins on the phone with him and I was all sorted out, squared away and had a much better day/week/month.

A key to note is that NONE of the circumstances around my life changed - but asking for that help and resetting the way I see and process those challenges made all the difference.

aasharon90

Your right at it is never easy, BUT, it can
be with practice. Just like coming here to
SR or even at a meeting, or to someone
you feel comfortable asking, like a sponsor,
friends in recovery who have been there
and done many of the same things we've
been thru in life.

Many folks, maybe like the men, are brought
up to be strong and never show their vunerability,
or emotions or show how weak they are, never
or very seldom ever ask for direction.

It takes, strength and courage to ask for
directions as well as what we need. It's
OK to ask for direction. In doing so, it definitely
saves time and frustration, and a pizzed off
suggnificant other. Right?

There's a many a times when we don't know
where to search for things. Search for something
that would help make our life easier. Help in
finding the right solution to a problem whether
it be at home, school, work, job, children, pets,
how to fix something that is broken, how to
change a tire, where to look of something to
fix the problem. Just a few examples.

So feel free to ask here what it is that you
need help fixing, directions for, whether big
or small, im pretty sure someone will come
along and understand where you are coming
from or what you are struggling with and can
offer some good advice or better a good suggestion
to guide you in correcting the problem or make
a choice easier to make.

Fly N Buy

This is a terrific topic = Outstanding Thread Sharon!
It's the converse of gratitude in a way......Ask for those things that we will become grateful about, perhaps. Wonderful idea.

I need to remove sloth = procrastination from my life. Be it pulling weeds, cleaning up around my shop, taking my beloved yellow lab for a walk etc.

I became so lethargic in my drinking and have become imprisoned in sedentary lifestyle that is an ingrained habit ...... I'll do it tomorrow attitude.

Need to get off my arse!
Today I commit to starting that process. I will pick a task daily that I don't want to do and get after it!

Thanks for the thread!!! Awesome!!
Anyone else have this problem, how are you working on it???

btw, today is day 100!

peace, but not too much rest.........