In a bit of a panic, requesting input/advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
In a bit of a panic, requesting input/advice
Howdy all.
Soooo ... in a nutshell, or at least the best nutshell I can manage. I'll try not to be too long-winded.
Let's see. I'm a dancer, or was a dancer, ergo drinking at work was the norm. Was sober for a time earlier this year, eventually "switched addictions" to my eating disorder, lost a ton of weight, started drinking again, and lost my job at the best club in town due to "being too skinny". That was at the beginning of August.
This led me to some introspection and life re-evaluation, ultimately seeing me determine that if I ever want to sober up, I need to remove myself from that environment and the constant availability, permission, and temptation to drink.
Well, inevitably I ended up running out of money, so I went back to a different club - a dirty, blue-collar, "ratchet" club that didn't much care for its girls or the rules. (Think BYOB, people doing drugs out in the open, managers not really caring what the girls do) ... my drinking spiraled out of control and with a bang of a crazy night, I decided once and for all that I was TOTALLY DONE with drinking, dancing, living that crazy life. Even if it does pay the bills, the cost was too high for me.
Well, now I'm broke again. As in, $15 in my bank account broke. And the panic is setting in. I don't have any outside financial resources that I can fall back upon, my one real option is going back to that club - and I AM LOATHE TO DO SO. I simply - ARGH - I simply can't, unless I want to rinse and repeat the cycle from a month or so ago. I'm currently sober and yes, have been applying and looking for work, but as we all know, that can be a long, drawn-out process. I've applied for everything from catering to waitressing to working at Target to temp jobs to miscellaneous secretarial work. I've yet to hear back from ANYONE.
I can't just sit at home, broke as a joke (even though sober) and just - wait? My utilities were shut off last month, the only way I was able to get them re-instated was when I went back to dancing.
A part of me says - go back. Just close your eyes, grit your teeth, go back for the time you need, just to get you through. You've worked sober before, you can do it again. If you feel like you're going to drink, just - leave.
I don't know.
I'm scared.
Soooo ... in a nutshell, or at least the best nutshell I can manage. I'll try not to be too long-winded.
Let's see. I'm a dancer, or was a dancer, ergo drinking at work was the norm. Was sober for a time earlier this year, eventually "switched addictions" to my eating disorder, lost a ton of weight, started drinking again, and lost my job at the best club in town due to "being too skinny". That was at the beginning of August.
This led me to some introspection and life re-evaluation, ultimately seeing me determine that if I ever want to sober up, I need to remove myself from that environment and the constant availability, permission, and temptation to drink.
Well, inevitably I ended up running out of money, so I went back to a different club - a dirty, blue-collar, "ratchet" club that didn't much care for its girls or the rules. (Think BYOB, people doing drugs out in the open, managers not really caring what the girls do) ... my drinking spiraled out of control and with a bang of a crazy night, I decided once and for all that I was TOTALLY DONE with drinking, dancing, living that crazy life. Even if it does pay the bills, the cost was too high for me.
Well, now I'm broke again. As in, $15 in my bank account broke. And the panic is setting in. I don't have any outside financial resources that I can fall back upon, my one real option is going back to that club - and I AM LOATHE TO DO SO. I simply - ARGH - I simply can't, unless I want to rinse and repeat the cycle from a month or so ago. I'm currently sober and yes, have been applying and looking for work, but as we all know, that can be a long, drawn-out process. I've applied for everything from catering to waitressing to working at Target to temp jobs to miscellaneous secretarial work. I've yet to hear back from ANYONE.
I can't just sit at home, broke as a joke (even though sober) and just - wait? My utilities were shut off last month, the only way I was able to get them re-instated was when I went back to dancing.
A part of me says - go back. Just close your eyes, grit your teeth, go back for the time you need, just to get you through. You've worked sober before, you can do it again. If you feel like you're going to drink, just - leave.
I don't know.
I'm scared.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 73
A good friend of mine was in almost the exact same situation.
She made the decision not to choose the job that would put her sobriety and her reasons for sobriety at risk. It was far from easy and she was pretty broke for a while (this is where support from family/friends/etc comes in to play). She now has a job that might not pay very well but makes her happy and able to pay the bills while staying sober.
I wish I could offer a bit more insight, but I can say for sure as someone who has been supportive of a friend going through the same situation its worth it if sobriety is what you really want. Will it be hard? absolutely - but there IS a way out.
She made the decision not to choose the job that would put her sobriety and her reasons for sobriety at risk. It was far from easy and she was pretty broke for a while (this is where support from family/friends/etc comes in to play). She now has a job that might not pay very well but makes her happy and able to pay the bills while staying sober.
I wish I could offer a bit more insight, but I can say for sure as someone who has been supportive of a friend going through the same situation its worth it if sobriety is what you really want. Will it be hard? absolutely - but there IS a way out.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Sorry to hear about your struggles.
Is there really absolutely no more job that you could explore apart from dancing? Temporarily, while you pull it together a bit financially. I don't know... walking dogs, doing shopping for elderly or disabled people, cleaning apartments... or perhaps something in the entertainment business that you could do online without all the triggers around... a combination of these?
It sounds like the club has a high probability to put you back in some version of the same cycle.
Is there really absolutely no more job that you could explore apart from dancing? Temporarily, while you pull it together a bit financially. I don't know... walking dogs, doing shopping for elderly or disabled people, cleaning apartments... or perhaps something in the entertainment business that you could do online without all the triggers around... a combination of these?
It sounds like the club has a high probability to put you back in some version of the same cycle.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,733
That is a scary place to be in. Can you get any assistance from the State while you're looking for employment? Do you have any items you can sell to make some quick cash? I hate to see you put yourself in a position where you might drink and may not be safe.
Failure Is Not An Option
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Carmichael, CA
Posts: 244
Hello Roguedreams. Here in Sacramento, CA there's a program called Next Move. Temporary housing and assistance to transition the unemployed to employment and stable housing. When I lived in So Cal they had something very similar. From dealing with utility issues, to acquiring living supplies, to housing. I'm assuming you don't have a PC or internet, so perhaps visit a library or stop by a Goodwill and/or Salvation Army facility. There's likely assistance to get you connected to the proper organization.
Just a suggestion. Stay Strong & Good luck.
Just a suggestion. Stay Strong & Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
When I posted, I had half the intention of returning to work tonight. Even if I make barely $40 and stay sober, that's better than $0 and sober at home (not to mention home with myself and the loneliness and depression that comes with early sobriety) ... buuut.
I can't keep repeating this!
I'm still so torn.
My lease is up October 19. My original plan was to dance until it was finished, then move in with my grandparents while I get back on my sober feet (they are 150% okay with me moving in). I told myself, just grit your teeth, you can DO this, the end is in sight. Unfortunately I don't trust myself to be able to finish this out - sober.
I don't qualify for unemployment or any of the typical programs offered for the jobless - being a dancer puts me in a bit of a special category, I guess.
Thank you, haennie, for the idea of doing some of this online. I'm unsure if I can access that route immediately - and I'm in need of immediate money (I tend to treat work like an ATM, almost) ... I'm beginning to think that I'm also somewhat addicted to dancing and the instant gratification it brings.
Do I just resolve to - just NOT go in tonight? Even if that means I will be out of food, cigarettes and diet coke by tomorrow? Not to mention gas in my car, phone bill, car loan, utilities, etc etc etc? The prospects are so scary.
I guess I'm just reiterating what I posted above. Sorry, just freaking out.
I can't keep repeating this!
I'm still so torn.
My lease is up October 19. My original plan was to dance until it was finished, then move in with my grandparents while I get back on my sober feet (they are 150% okay with me moving in). I told myself, just grit your teeth, you can DO this, the end is in sight. Unfortunately I don't trust myself to be able to finish this out - sober.
I don't qualify for unemployment or any of the typical programs offered for the jobless - being a dancer puts me in a bit of a special category, I guess.
Thank you, haennie, for the idea of doing some of this online. I'm unsure if I can access that route immediately - and I'm in need of immediate money (I tend to treat work like an ATM, almost) ... I'm beginning to think that I'm also somewhat addicted to dancing and the instant gratification it brings.
Do I just resolve to - just NOT go in tonight? Even if that means I will be out of food, cigarettes and diet coke by tomorrow? Not to mention gas in my car, phone bill, car loan, utilities, etc etc etc? The prospects are so scary.
I guess I'm just reiterating what I posted above. Sorry, just freaking out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, you could get a waitressing job. They are easily obtained and pay well when you include tips.
Are there any restaurants you could talk to regarding work? Dancing (and I assume you are talking exotic dance?) sounds like it isn't something that has been working for you. You sound generally unhappy with it.
Are there any restaurants you could talk to regarding work? Dancing (and I assume you are talking exotic dance?) sounds like it isn't something that has been working for you. You sound generally unhappy with it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 73
no doubt being broke sucks, we've all been there.
being broke and sober kept me alive in the past though - versus using and nearing death.
it's a good thing you got a plan to move in with your grandparents while you get back on your feet, you got any other support? friends/family/so that would be willing to help you out currently?
being broke and sober kept me alive in the past though - versus using and nearing death.
it's a good thing you got a plan to move in with your grandparents while you get back on your feet, you got any other support? friends/family/so that would be willing to help you out currently?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by JustCrusade 
no doubt being broke sucks, we've all been there.
being broke and sober kept me alive in the past though - versus using and nearing death.
it's a good thing you got a plan to move in with your grandparents while you get back on your feet, you got any other support? friends/family/so that would be willing to help you out currently?
being broke and sober kept me alive in the past though - versus using and nearing death.
it's a good thing you got a plan to move in with your grandparents while you get back on your feet, you got any other support? friends/family/so that would be willing to help you out currently?
I do, and I'm most grateful for their support - both financial and moral/emotional - these past six weeks or so. But "normies" can only handle so much of an addict's needs, ya know? Justified or otherwise. I can't keep asking for help; I relied on several dear friends to get me through the month of August. It's not fair to them that I ask yet AGAIN for help. That gets old, and could potentially ruin what amicable relations I do have. I don't want to risk losing friends ON TOP of losing my job, apartment, addiction and well, it feels like - everything else. They have their own lives and their own financial responsibilities; we all have limits. I don't want to push it. Ya know?
I think my biggest fear is that I'll relapse BECAUSE I'm broke. And because I told myself this time around I wouldn't worry about trying to break any other addictions (nicotine and caffeine, for example) that I would just worry about dealing with alcohol first. Last attempt at being sober I threw the baby out with the bathwater and tried to quit everything. That didn't get me very far, LOL. Anyway, if I can't even afford cigarettes, what the hey am I supposed to do? It's so silly, because I'M THE ONE KEEPING MYSELF AWAY FROM WORK. I HAVE a skill set. I HAVE a source of income. It's just intrinsically tied to drinking, which sucks a**.
Anyway, just more venting I suppose.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Well, you could get a waitressing job. They are easily obtained and pay well when you include tips.
Are there any restaurants you could talk to regarding work? Dancing (and I assume you are talking exotic dance?) sounds like it isn't something that has been working for you. You sound generally unhappy with it.
Are there any restaurants you could talk to regarding work? Dancing (and I assume you are talking exotic dance?) sounds like it isn't something that has been working for you. You sound generally unhappy with it.
I would, but I'm scared of my eating disorder. The last time I worked restaurant work it made that issue ten times worse! Maybe I'm doing what my signature says - "fear makes the wolf look bigger" - I don't know. I feel somewhat - frozen in terms of what I should do next. Everywhere I turn I feel like there's a road block. Whether I put those road blocks there myself or whether they're there for external good reason, I don't know.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 73
Good call on the one at a time dealing with vices, alcohol coming first. Worry about the other stuff down the road. I also tried dropping everything at once - didn't end well.
I can definitely say by listening to your situation, your work situation is toxic and will most likely hurt your chances at sobriety and ultimately...being happy and in a good spot.
I hate to come off so blunt, but is there any other means you could possibly explore to get yourself some immediate help financially or even just having a friend float you a couple packs of smokes and some gas?
like I said we've all been there, explain yourself - be honest - true friends wont give up on ya and leave you hanging - alcohol WILL without a doubt
I can definitely say by listening to your situation, your work situation is toxic and will most likely hurt your chances at sobriety and ultimately...being happy and in a good spot.
I hate to come off so blunt, but is there any other means you could possibly explore to get yourself some immediate help financially or even just having a friend float you a couple packs of smokes and some gas?
like I said we've all been there, explain yourself - be honest - true friends wont give up on ya and leave you hanging - alcohol WILL without a doubt
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Your grandparents sound like great people, allowing you to stay with them.
When I got Sober, I quickly realised, I can't do this alone, I need to reach out and cling on to all the support I can get to make this work.
We gotta start from the bottom and build a new Sober life from the ground up, it's gonna take time, and maybe taking a few steps backwards to make the leaps forward in the future!!
Cutting your losses and asking to move in with your grandparents earlier would cut out a lot of this current anxiety, you can have some breathing space to apply for jobs, and focus on your Sobriety!!
Hang in there, it's far from easy!!
When I got Sober, I quickly realised, I can't do this alone, I need to reach out and cling on to all the support I can get to make this work.
We gotta start from the bottom and build a new Sober life from the ground up, it's gonna take time, and maybe taking a few steps backwards to make the leaps forward in the future!!
Cutting your losses and asking to move in with your grandparents earlier would cut out a lot of this current anxiety, you can have some breathing space to apply for jobs, and focus on your Sobriety!!
Hang in there, it's far from easy!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Justified or otherwise. I can't keep asking for help; I relied on several dear friends to get me through the month of August. It's not fair to them that I ask yet AGAIN for help.
I get it I do...I hated asking for help. I'd have rather suffered than ask for help.
But I learned that it was necessary for me. Some things I could not solve on my own.
I had to ask for help so many times I thought people would get fed up...but they didn't because they knew I was genuinely trying to change and live in recovery...
and I'm pleased to say I've had many chances to repay the favours done to me in the years since
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Berwick
Posts: 128
I think it is OK to go and do what you need to do, to get money to support yourself.
AA teaches me that I can go in to any place I like, where liquor is served, so long as I have sufficient reason to be there.
IMO going to a bar, to dance & earn money to support yourself is a sufficient reason. But ultimately it is your decision of course.
This attitude places you in a neutral position. You are there for a reason, you are not there for another reason. One step forward, one step back. Still in the same spot SOBER.
THINK ........ I am going to earn money, I am NOT going to drink alcohol
Easy to say but harder to do, but thousands of alcoholics all over the world will be working in places there is liquor. They are there for a sufficient reason & they need not FEAR alcohol.
Your signature is so true. If you fear it, it does look bigger. Go without fear, knowing you have a good reason to be there.
AA teaches me that I can go in to any place I like, where liquor is served, so long as I have sufficient reason to be there.
IMO going to a bar, to dance & earn money to support yourself is a sufficient reason. But ultimately it is your decision of course.
This attitude places you in a neutral position. You are there for a reason, you are not there for another reason. One step forward, one step back. Still in the same spot SOBER.
THINK ........ I am going to earn money, I am NOT going to drink alcohol
Easy to say but harder to do, but thousands of alcoholics all over the world will be working in places there is liquor. They are there for a sufficient reason & they need not FEAR alcohol.
Your signature is so true. If you fear it, it does look bigger. Go without fear, knowing you have a good reason to be there.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
AA teaches me that I can go in to any place I like, where liquor is served, so long as I have sufficient reason to be there.
Now? I can go anywhere and do anything, sure...but I needed to work up to that.
The way you're laying it down there it's like telling people they only need to step into an AA meeting and they have immunity against the desire for alcohol for life.
We both know that's not true.
No matter what the method, it takes time, effort and commitment - yeah?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by JustCrusade
Good call on the one at a time dealing with vices, alcohol coming first. Worry about the other stuff down the road. I also tried dropping everything at once - didn't end well.
I can definitely say by listening to your situation, your work situation is toxic and will most likely hurt your chances at sobriety and ultimately...being happy and in a good spot.
I hate to come off so blunt, but is there any other means you could possibly explore to get yourself some immediate help financially or even just having a friend float you a couple packs of smokes and some gas?
like I said we've all been there, explain yourself - be honest - true friends wont give up on ya and leave you hanging - alcohol WILL without a doubt
I can definitely say by listening to your situation, your work situation is toxic and will most likely hurt your chances at sobriety and ultimately...being happy and in a good spot.
I hate to come off so blunt, but is there any other means you could possibly explore to get yourself some immediate help financially or even just having a friend float you a couple packs of smokes and some gas?
like I said we've all been there, explain yourself - be honest - true friends wont give up on ya and leave you hanging - alcohol WILL without a doubt
- I went ahead and took some books to Half Price and cashed in my change - garnering me a $50 which buys me a temporary peace of mind. I agree with everything you have to say, including the bit about friends. Perhaps it's even my pride that keeps me from asking for help. I already feel like a burden as it is; egads. My 30th birthday is this Saturday, so I was thinking of "using" that as an excuse to ask for assistance. Ya know, instead of buying me dinner (or drinks, as in years before) or flowers or whatever needless knick-knack, maybe help me out in practical ways instead? Idk.
Anyhow, resisting the temptation to work tonight; filling out more apps online and doing more networking via text with the connections I already have. SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE HAS TO KNOW ABOUT A JOB THAT I COULD WORK! It can't be this impossible to get out of the toxic life I've built for myself.
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