sunshinesmile

Good Morning all. I've been fairly quiet on here, but I read everyday and nod with agreement with so much to what I read. I need to try and be more involved and not such an outsider as this is really the only support network I have! I have been on Probation for a first DUI for a year now, the interlock has also been on this entire year. My judge granted early removal last week due to clean reports and finishing all my requirements and fines.

While I'm thrilled because the machine is difficult, expensive and embarrassing, it also intimidates me abit as the Interlock has held me accountable to not drink (I won't ever drink and drive again, but the interlock is so sensitive it will pick up drinks from the night before and cause a violation which is really scary if you're on probation). So fear of violating the machine and probation has kept me straight. I have slipped now and then thinking I can be a normal drinker and have a glass or 2 of wine, but quickly get grounded in knowing I have to blow to make my car work and a violation could put me back in front of the judge.

So while I'm happy it's coming off, I'm going to work extra hard to keep my AV silenced and stop lying to me about how fun it is to drink because that fun buzzed feeling it used to have on me, isn't fun anymore!

This forum is such a great support, I hope you have a wonderful sober day!

ScottFromWI

That's good news from a mobility standpoint for sure. You mentioned you've still been drinking occasionally even with the interlock. Is your goal total absinence or just sober driving? Do you have plan for what you will do once it's removed?

sunshinesmile

Thanks Scott, my goal is total abstinence. Since the DUI incident, I was scared sober for a few weeks, then the voice crept in my head about how nice it would be to have a glass of wine after work, I'm so stressed (excuses excuses) and a glass would lead to a bottle before 9 PM so the alc would be out of my system by 7AM. This has happened 5-7 times the past year. Why do I think I can handle being a normal drinker. I know I can't. I'm trying to put a plan into place that will help me stay accountable after it comes off. AA is difficult for me to attend (full custody single mom) though I think I would like to go if I could figure out a way to do it. I need a plan for sure.

ScottFromWI

You figured out a way to make it through a DUI and a year with an ignition interlock, which presents many challenges.

You have figured out how to be a single mom, which is an incredibly hard job.

You can figure out a way to get to AA meetings if you want to go. Many open meetings are fine with kids coming along. Call your local hotline and ask.

PurpleKnight

That's great news, you can put that period of your life behind you!!

Getting a plan in place is the key thing moving forward, I needed something to remind me about the danger of thinking I could control alcohol, something to short circuit that thought process!!

You can do this!!

SonomaGal

It sounds like the interlock device helped you from getting too drunk the night before, more than it helped you be totally sober. Almost like you knew you could rely on the device when you did decide to drink to keep you in check?

Whatever you were doing the 350+ days you didn't drink is great. Its so important to have support, so it can be AA, SR, an addiction specialist, a sober friend, the sober blogosphere. Glad you're here!

least

I hope you can find a way to stay sober, totally sober, without the interlock device on your car.

Thepatman

You have a plan so that's half the victory right there. Kudos to you for being a single mom, a sober mom is worth 1000 drunk mom's.

Dee74

Scott makes a great point Sunshinesmile.
You've already negotiated some pretty hard things...staying sober is another.

In the end it's down to us...removing the Interlock makes no difference in that respect.

I'm looking forward to reading your ideas on a plan

For a start, I think anytime you think you can drink normally you should ask yourself how many normal folks have had interlocks on their cars?

D