lizatola

My son and I are out of town, 2 hours from home, at a tennis tournament. AH is home alone with the dog. He's been back at the serious binging, no surprises there. What did surprise me was my freak out yesterday mentally when I hadn't heard from him in almost 22 hours. No response to texts or calls, etc.

I know the facts, I know his patterns, I figured his phone was off because he was sleeping off the binge. My mind wanted to go elsewhere and did so with wild abandon. The what if' splayed over and over in my head like a tape and I finally broke down and called a neighbor to check on him. Ugh!!! So, now he's mad at me for this, but I'm way past caring. I'm more ticked that I let my mind get the better of me.

mysocalledlife

Hi lizatola

This brought back a memory back for me of coming to check on my partner 3 times in one day to make sure he wasn't dead as he wouldn't pick his phone up. When I arrived each time he was just knocked out. I remember coming up close to him to make sure he was breathing.The fear and anxiety in me was just terrible. Makes my heart sink.just thinking about it.

Wishing you all the best

MissFixit

Worst care scenario, he is dead at home alone. What can you do? Why must you act immediately?

Not to be heartless, but he a grown man who can choose to take care of himself or not. If he chooses the latter, so be it.

dandylion

lizatola....after the separation....it will be easier to just put him out of your mind because you aren't living together. It is so much easier when you don't see and talk to them every day and you aren't aware of every breath that they take. out of sight--out of mind.
You will see what I am talking about....

dandylion

Santa

I can so identify with this.

HopefulinFLA

Oh have I been THERE! Out of town and no response from Ah. Did he burn the house down, is in jail, had an accident, passed out in a ditch somewhere? Worried about my poor cats, did he feed them, did they get out? It can really give the hamster in your head a good work out! Ugh

AnvilheadII

I hadn't heard from him in almost 22 hours. No response to texts or calls, etc.

i'm sure that was done ON PURPOSE - to mess with your head in EXACTLY the way it did. the consummate mind F*ck. to assure that you can't go anywhere without it still being all about HIM.

do you see it Liz? do you REALLY see how this guy plays you like a fiddle?

lizatola

I'm sure it was too. That's the reason I was frustrated with myself because I knew how codependent I was getting with my thinking. It was so obvious to me, yet I still let it get out of control.

jarp

I agree with this...it does take time....my AH has been our of the house for almost 3 months now (ex for a distrous week after detox). He's been threatening suicide, had several attempted etc and last night for the first time he did a half threat on a call with me, didnt respond to a text, and I just let it go. I am finally starting to realise that if he is going to fall to misadventure, or kill himself that I cant alter that outcome or change what is going to happen.

If he did of course I'd be devatstaed, but me hamster wheeling about it doesnt help him, and it just diminished my care of myself and our kids.

Rosalba

I found that a very effective response to someone who threatened suicide if I ended the relationship was to tell him that if his life without me was going to be that bad, I respected his decision. Went around for a few days feeling that my head was going to explode, but didn't cave in to the manipulation.

I found the threat particularly vicious because my father HAD committed suicide a few years earlier - of which he was well aware - and my own anger gave me the strength to stay calm in the face of the threat.

lizatola

I'm laughing at myself today now that I'm home. When 2 days ago I was worried that he could be dead or alive, I am now just ready to laugh.

AH came to talk to me today AGAIN, and pushed for more 'talking' saying, "You asked for this, I didn't want things to go this way, I didn't want this, YOU did...." etc etc. SO, I finally just said: we agreed that I would finish teaching the sophomore year and then we'd split up because it gives us time to fix the pool, move some investments around, get the holidays over with, etc" He agreed.

The conversation moved over to talking about our son and his tennis and I made mention about how I'm going to need more help getting my son to tennis and to tournaments in the future, to which he said, "Oh, tennis? That's over. Tennis is a luxury for him, not a necessity. Forget that."

Yep, my momma bear came out. No way in h*ll is he going to threaten this one and get away with it. He's the one who put a racquet in the kids' hands when he was 6 months old!!!

All part of the game he wants to play and I am so glad I see it. I just ignored him, didn't react, and made an appointment with my lawyer!!!