lin127

Hello my SR friends,
Hope you are all well tonight. I am 8 months sober and about to try to do my 4th step with my sponcers help. I am looking at it as a way to figure out what I am all about. I have been numb for so long I cant tell how I really feel about anything. i hope I can learn from it as i am feeling as if i am getting in a rut and not progressing. I so want to have that serenity I see so many at my meetings have. I do not have that peace of mind yet. Maybe I nevr will. It sure would be nice to feel comfortable in my skin. It seems one day I am OK and the next I am down really down.. Its a rollarcoaster ride. I am praying, reading, going to meetings but I am not changing on the inside. I find it difficult to feel pleasure. I hope I havent numbed my feelings by drinking, permenatly. Has anyone done a 4th step and got good results? Can doing a 4th step make you feel worse? well thats all for now... love you all
Thanks,
Lin

2dayzmuse

Lin

Hi, I just finished my fourth step and feel great. You have to dig down deep and lay everything out on paper. It can be emotional, but it is cleansing to know, your ridding yourself of the hurtful past. Good luck. I have a feeling, when you've finished with your fourth step, you'll feel good and will be ready to move forward to your fifth. Remember, you're doing this to make YOU well and to remain sobor.

Take care,

Talia

hiney

I haven't done a step 4 yet but like you felt I was getting stuck in a rut at about 7 months. I had to drag myself out of all the pits I had dug for myself
rather than trying to sort things out whilst I was still thinking straight. But now I feel I have turned a corner and put things in perspective.
Good luck with your step 4 I hope it's gives you what you need

Hiney

shyQcodep

Lin,

I'm familiar with that stuck feeling - only in my case, I've been stuck at the beginning of step 4 for a month. My sponsor and I were really clear that I was done with step 3, but I wasn't sure that I was ready for step 4. My sponsor made it clear that when one step is done we start the next, so I started collecting names for my resentment list.

A couple of the things which popped up on that list put me into a pretty good spin cycle, and I've spent the last couple of weeks calming down from that spin. Meanwhile, the resentee list has pretty much sat idle - I've made a couple of additions, but none in the past week.

Last night I was at a meeting which does step readings once a month, and last night was step 4. Actually, my sponsor chaired the meeting and she suggested step 4 By the time we were 2/3 of the way through that reading, I had to glue my a$$ to the chair because what I really wanted to do was run screaming out of that room.

Later last night I started actually writing - I only got a page done (three resentments), but it's a start and it felt really good.

Praying for help in your 4th step and mine,
James

In memory of miracle

I know exactly what you are saying. I learned to shut down early on in childhood and when I found booze and drugs all the better for there numbing properties ! I also used them as a social lubricant in that I thought I was better able to talk to people ( lol ) I never learned how to identify my feelings or express them and used silence for most of my life . I am about 8 and a half months in now and thru AA and therapy I am workin on all that and releasing the fear of my feelings and expressing them . I am just starting to thaw out and still ride the rollercoaster you spoke of .Am also doin my 4th and 5th .Dont be hard on yourself Lin we walked 25 miles into the woods and we haveto walk 25 out .Enjoy your sober days and try not to worry too much about the rest . I look down at my feet alot and say you are right where you are supposto be ...keep the faith .. prayers Trish

lulu70

Dear Lin--I am right there with you. I am just finishing my fourth step and doing my fifth this weekend. I can't say I am looking forward to it, but I know it will be a great relief when I am done. Take it easy on yourself while you are working on it. There are a lot of people who don't make it through this step. For me, I prayed a lot (before, during, and after working on it) for God to help me forgive myself and to help me realize that all those things I did were not the "real" me. They were my disease. Now that I am getting ready to do my fifth, I realize the benefit of listing all those things. After I do my fifth, I get to ask God to remove all of these things. I know I will get some relief, and you will too!!!

Like I said, probably the most important thing for you to do, is take it easy on yourself. This is NOT an easy thing to do. But it is simple. Just be honest--my sponsor said I would be okay as long as I didn't intentionally leave anything out. I feel fairly certain more will come out at a later time. But that's why we have a tenth step!!

I started a thread a little while ago called "Fourth Step Blues" and got some good experience, strength and hope. I will look to see if I can find it. You might try reading some of the posts there too.

Good luck, and hang in there!

splendra

(((((lin))))),

It looks like you have gotten some prety good advice and input. I don't think I have anything to add.

I just wanted to say I love your avatar!!!

lin127

thank you all for your help and advice. this had been a rough week. I am trlying to keep in mind that my HP will handle what I cant. I just have a hard time deciding when I am powerless over changing the outcome,

Maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day.
Lin