Combakkid

Well it has been almost a moth now of what I can only refer to as sickly sweet behavior from my AH. The drinking has been severely reduced and all I keep hearing is "why are you so mad at me?" I am just trying to spend time with you or my personal favorite " I am just trying to change and do better". What the heck is this? I know it is not sobriety as he doesn't think he has a problem and doesn't see why anyone in recovery shouldn't be allowed to drink a few since that won't do any harm -yeah right. Is this a power play, quacking, an attempt to screw with my mind, because I feel like I am going crazy trying to figure out the real motive behind this. I have been implementing detachment quite well and am really working towards building myself up with enough funds to leave. But I feel like I am living in crazy town all over again. Anyone who has gone through this please share!!!

dandylion

combakKid .......I think that m ost of us who have dealt with a drinking alcoholic has been through this in one way or another....
The fondest wish of every alcoholic is to be able to do "controlled drinking". To accept that complete and total abstainence (and making the necessary changes on the inside) is the only thing that puts alcoholism into remission.....that feels like utter death to them.
They think that "cutting back" ought to be enough to satisfy their loved ones. In their denial....they do not appreciate that pain and destruction that their disease puts on the loved ones.

The "cutting back" is usually an attempt to placate us and get us off their case.....OR an attempt to convince themselves that they are really not an alcoholic...and, thus, continue to drink into the future.

It is really an act of futility on his part...cause it just backfires after a while....usually a little while....

This is how I look at it.....

dandylion

Combakkid

Dandylion I think you hit the nail on the head as usual. I believe he is trying to real me in again and I was having a particularly hard day when I wrote this post. I am learning the most powerful tool I have in my toolbox is indifference. I have found out my AH also has the narcissist personality disorder as well and I have noticed when he is speaking to me the focus is still all about him. I am just struggling with the amount of nonsense he is constantly bombarding me with. It is constantly the why are you mad at me and why are you being so mean to me. In reality I am doing neither. I am just not constantly stoking his ego. At this point I honestly look at him and feel nothing which is kind of nice. I am looking forward to getting out as soon as my funds are saved up and have even started daydreaming about my future house and what I want in it.

dandylion

Combakkid.....often, the first step toward accomplishing any goal is to daydream about what the finish will be like. It is a kind of mental "rehearsal".

Therefore, I give you a very good prognosis!!!!!

dandylion