Unsure
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
Unsure
I just made this post in another thread, but thought maybe I should open it up for more input:
I'm not sure my boyfriend and I should be together. I go home and I'm sober, no problem for two months. I come back and I can't string two weeks together. He literally swerved the car around yesterday to go get liquor. And availability is a big trigger for me. Anyway, I had some to drink last night and I'm not happy about it this morning. He doesn't understand what an alcoholic is and my AV I guess doesn't want him to. I think that he wants me to be okay enough to handle drinking despite all the evidence that proves to the contrary. Mostly because he wants to drink and doesn't want to feel so bad about it. Last night he was trying to pin buying alcohol on me even though HE SWERVED THE CAR AROUND. And it's exhausting. I'm not sure what to do. We've been together almost 5 years and he's my family. But I'm worried about myself.
I'm not sure my boyfriend and I should be together. I go home and I'm sober, no problem for two months. I come back and I can't string two weeks together. He literally swerved the car around yesterday to go get liquor. And availability is a big trigger for me. Anyway, I had some to drink last night and I'm not happy about it this morning. He doesn't understand what an alcoholic is and my AV I guess doesn't want him to. I think that he wants me to be okay enough to handle drinking despite all the evidence that proves to the contrary. Mostly because he wants to drink and doesn't want to feel so bad about it. Last night he was trying to pin buying alcohol on me even though HE SWERVED THE CAR AROUND. And it's exhausting. I'm not sure what to do. We've been together almost 5 years and he's my family. But I'm worried about myself.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
Also, in the spirit of full disclosure, I have the day off and was left with a bottle of whiskey, which is a particular favorite of my adddiction. "Promise you won't drink it," he says... As if. Sure, I'll promise until you're out the door at work. He clearly has an off switch that I do not have.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
maybe you need a bit of a time out to get sober
talk to bf and explain how you feel if he really wants to be with you he should support this decision
if not just say you need some time to work this out
behind you 5000%
your not alone we are a big group of people helping each oither out
Nice to meet you
talk to bf and explain how you feel if he really wants to be with you he should support this decision
if not just say you need some time to work this out
behind you 5000%
your not alone we are a big group of people helping each oither out
Nice to meet you
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Maybe you can be with him.... maybe you can't....
But I'll bet you a gazillion dollars and your life you can't be with him AND booze at the same time.
You asked for advice and so I'll give you mine; Take a relationship break and focus on you and your sobriety 100%.
Maybe you'll be able to bring the relationship back into it at some point, maybe not..... but your health and your life is the most important priority you have. It's clear that right now, this relationship isn't serving you.
But I'll bet you a gazillion dollars and your life you can't be with him AND booze at the same time.
You asked for advice and so I'll give you mine; Take a relationship break and focus on you and your sobriety 100%.
Maybe you'll be able to bring the relationship back into it at some point, maybe not..... but your health and your life is the most important priority you have. It's clear that right now, this relationship isn't serving you.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
I agree. When I was with my parents my therapist warned me about going back. But I left because of an intervention and I wanted to see whether I wanted to leave on my own terms. A week ago I told him to say "NO" if I ever asked to drink again. But he WANTED me to drink. But wanted me to be able to stop. And I can't do both. Idk. I'm wasted at 10AM and I hate it.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Lawrence, KS
Posts: 250
Hey girl, I was in a similar situation. My (now ex) bf LOVED for me to drink with him. It was an incredibly toxic situation. I think I was somewhat addicted to him, too. He was definitely an enabler, that I still love very much but cannot have in my life as long as he continues to drink and enable. Anyway...
I daresay we build our lives around our addiction - or rather, we let our AV build our life for us, and that nasty bugger doesn't want you to make healthy decisions for yourself.
Sometimes all we have to do is take a couple mental steps back and look down on ourselves from above - what advice would you give your best friend, or your little sister, or whomever that you dearly love, if they were in your shoes? ... and would you like to be posting these same desperate pleas for help, five years from now? ... just food for thought.
Hugs. I've been there, I know your feelings of desperation. Hang in there, chica!
I daresay we build our lives around our addiction - or rather, we let our AV build our life for us, and that nasty bugger doesn't want you to make healthy decisions for yourself.
Sometimes all we have to do is take a couple mental steps back and look down on ourselves from above - what advice would you give your best friend, or your little sister, or whomever that you dearly love, if they were in your shoes? ... and would you like to be posting these same desperate pleas for help, five years from now? ... just food for thought.
Hugs. I've been there, I know your feelings of desperation. Hang in there, chica!
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,640
Hiya rockstonic, it seems your boyfriend isn't an alcoholic so doesn't understand that we just can't stop when we've had enough and that we drink until we pass out.
You've come to the right place. There are a lot of people who are in a similar situation who can help you.
Someone said on this forum that they were going for a drink with a friend who said they were dying for a drink but when they got it just took a few sips and had the same drink for ages whereas she had downed hers and waiting for another almost straight away.
And people who don't have our problem don't understand that we don't have an off switch.
If your boyfriend doesn't understand he will as your drinking gets progressively worse and it will affect your relationship, eventually.
If you want to stop drinking start now. We can help you but you've got to want to help yourself that is your responsibility not your boyfriends or families, just you. You can control this if you want to.
You've come to the right place. There are a lot of people who are in a similar situation who can help you.
Someone said on this forum that they were going for a drink with a friend who said they were dying for a drink but when they got it just took a few sips and had the same drink for ages whereas she had downed hers and waiting for another almost straight away.
And people who don't have our problem don't understand that we don't have an off switch.
If your boyfriend doesn't understand he will as your drinking gets progressively worse and it will affect your relationship, eventually.
If you want to stop drinking start now. We can help you but you've got to want to help yourself that is your responsibility not your boyfriends or families, just you. You can control this if you want to.
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