Ashamedof

I don't usually post here but my husband is an alcoholic and I'm 33 days clean from my addiction yo oxycodone..yes, it's a recipe for disaster.
I'm trying my best to work on my issues and my addiction while dealing with his, it's getting really hard. I'm not going to use but he triggers the heck out of me.
Lately he has been acting strange and I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid or something is going on under my nose. He has been online allot lately, which he never really cared for before, I found a bottle of a fruity type of drink in his car which he doesn't drink (told me he wanted to try it) I don't buy that..also, I asked to use husband car to drive to the store because mine was acting up and he said no, his was making weird "noises" then he suddenly cleaned it and it's fine now for me to borrow? Oh, he has spent hours at the dealership this past week because the part they keep fixing keeps breaking? His phone is never out of his sight ...even brings it with him to use the bathroom...he drinks as soon as he gets hone till he passes out , every single night that has not changed in 5 years.

Am I reading into this too much or does it sound A little shady to you?

Sungrl

Trust your gut. That is super shady imo. Are you thinking other women? that the drink was hers and such? or do you think he has drug stuff in the car?

GracieLou

If he drinks openly in front of you then I am going to assume he has some other addiction he is hiding.

Something stinks in Denmark. The phone never out of sight is a good clue that something is up. Either drug deals or another person he is hiding.

Is this all new since you got sober or is there a chance it was going on before but you are just now noticing? It seems odd that this would pop up suddenly.

Hammer

Sure it is shady.

BUT . . . IF YOU want to get and stay better -- YOU WORK ON YOU.

And yeah, Mine has been a whacked out A-hole for a year and a half, since rehab. crazy, Crazy, CRAZY Stuff!

So most of us, btdt, got the t-shirt, complete with blood and tear stains.

AGAIN. YOU work on YOU. That is how YOU get better.

You got No Time to worry on His Stuff.

You know what it is called "His Stuff," right? Because it is HIS Stuff.

You take care of YOUR lane, and your race will go fine.

His mileage may vary.

Sing Along . . . We Are!

Sweet Brown - Ain't Nobody Got Time for That (Autotune Remix) - YouTube

Ashamedof

He doesn't do drugs, well he smokes weed but he does that in front of me and drinks at night..he doesn't like pills or other drugs so I think it was another females drink.. That's been on my mind for over a week now! I just know him and I know his routines, what he likes to drink and eat, that's NOT him at all! I don't know what's up but it's something. Why the sudden cleaning of Inside the car ?? I wonder what else I would have noticed if I borrowed his car but he refused. Now that's it's clean, I can suddenly borrow it? Plus, he keeps changing the story about fixing it. It just doesn't make sense that he had to bring it back 3 times and it's still messing up? Plus, he knows cars.,, why not figure it out himself. My gut is telling me something is not right. I just don't know what! I hate snooping and I'm honestly afraid of what I'll find but it needs to happen. I'm not waiting around to catch a std (god forbid)...

Ashamedof

Gracie, that's a good question..I'm noticing way more now that my eyes are wide open! It's possible I missed this stuff because I was so worried about my drugs. I'm also a stay at home wife with no kids and plenty of time on my hands (never good) I'm looking for a job as we speak,I need to have my own thing which he doesn't agree with (very controlling).
Before, I would just pop a pill and brush it off. I didn't care much about anything, including his drinking. Now that I'm sober, it's very irritating and he annoys the heck out of me when drunk.

NYCDoglvr

I suggest putting the sole focus on your sobriety, getting to meetings and a sponsor. It's a walk we have to take alone.........

Ashamedof

Hammer, you're so right. It's just hard for me to concentrate on my own recovery with this drama and chaos going on around me, I'm trying my best to ignore him but it's hard..he won't leave me alone once he starts drinking, repeats my name till I acknowledge him, pushes his glass in my face (get me one!) and if I don't? He just starts ranting and raving till I do. It's a very unhealthy environment and I know that, just not financially able to leave, yet.

Hammer

Meetings. Meetings. Meetings.

You are still in 90 in 90 days, right?

Can you make it two a day?

airwick

I don't mean to sound uncaring, yet I had to put my AH (now X) addiction aside to work and correct my own. I haven't had a drink in almost 6 months and I have a 12yr old boy that I plan on taking care of to the best of my ability! And I will do this all Sober.

Like someone had told you in a reply to your post:

"Trust your gutt"

Please put YOURSELF first.

suncatcher

Kudos to you for getting yourself sober. Make your priority and your focus staying that way. It definitely sounds like your AH is pressing your buttons and acting shady. But keep your focus on you. AH will make it difficult but don't let him stand in the way of your success at staying clean. Any one you could stay with until you get on your feet? We are here for you. Keep reading and posting!

BoxinRotz

Snoopers find a lot of stuff and it's stuff that hurts to the core. Seems like you may already know a few things so I'll say this...

Keep your legs closed if you don't want an STD!

Sad because we're taking about your husband but dogs can bring home the nastiest sh!t!

AnvilheadII

it's interesting when one step removed how blithely you refer to the fact that he drinks EVERY DAY -from the moment he gets home until he passes out - and this has been his pattern for five years now. you mentioned "LATELY he's been acting strange..." as if the above weren't strange enough and tough enough to deal with. it's already unhealthy and detrimental as all get out....you don't need to use up any extra energy trying to figure out what his LATEST stunt is.....

whatever you are doing for your sobriety, it's working....so keep it up. double it up. get so busy and so involved with YOUR recovery that you hardly even notice the passed out stinky snoring lump on the couch (or wherever he lands). and maybe with time ask yourself why on earth you would voluntarily stay in such a toxic stew...........

lizatola

YEP! My sister is dealing with HPV and recurring infections because her husband cheated on her with the office skank. And, he did it while she was pregnant with their second. FYI: HPV is not just received through intercourse, it's oral contact, as well. Just sayin'.

I have no words of advice except to say that your own recovery is more important than what he is or isn't doing right now. Put that focus on you and keep it there as best as you can. As many have said here to me: more will be revealed.

KidsR#1

Congrats on your sobriety! If your gut is telling you something is up, then listen to yourself. Focus on yourself and your own recovery.

As far as being worried about an STD- if you feel something is off, then just say no. Actually when ever I felt my AH was up to something, it always worked out that I just wasn't in the mood...

Ashamedof

I guess I've just kinda looked the other way all these years with just drinking because I was high on my pills! I just neglected and ignored the fact that he is a alcoholic and needs serious help. I've been numbing myself all these years and avoiding my problems in the process. I'm now awake and ready to tackle some of these issues I've ignored.

I've talked to my sister and she told me to just lay low, act like I don't suspect anything and he will mess up on his own..they all do eventually.

I can't even look at him without being pissed off and annoyed. I just know he is hiding something.

Working on me is long overdue! I need to stop selling myself short with these abusive, controlling, cheating, dangerous men that bring nothing positive to my life. I need to love me more so genuine people will. If I keep abusing myself with substances , I'll never be truly loved by a normal human.

I've already come to realize why I pick these men, I don't think I can do better, that's obvious. It doesn't matter how many people tell you "you're beautiful, kind, good hearted, funny" if you don't truly believe that? It falls on deaf ears. I'm sick of being a doormat and I'm sick of not ever feeling what it's like to really be loved.

Thank you all.

hopeful4

Those are some HUGELY suspicious behaviors. I agree, don't have unprotected sex with him. Protect yourself, more will be revealed.