totally ot: ODD experience/tips anyone?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Northeastern US
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totally ot: ODD experience/tips anyone?
Oppositional defiant disorder.
Not odd experience, hahaha, everyone here has that.
My kid has been exhibiting this crazy behavior, steadily getting worse, dr says it's probably not ODD, but may be. My sweet little suddenly morphs into a vicious punching, kicking, biting beastie with intense separation anxiety. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ies/attack.png
She's all
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ilies/a043.gif
Only to me.
I am doing online searches, however I thought I would ask this group, since you have such great insights and experience.
Thank you!
Not odd experience, hahaha, everyone here has that.
My kid has been exhibiting this crazy behavior, steadily getting worse, dr says it's probably not ODD, but may be. My sweet little suddenly morphs into a vicious punching, kicking, biting beastie with intense separation anxiety. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ies/attack.png
She's all
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ilies/a043.gif
Only to me.
I am doing online searches, however I thought I would ask this group, since you have such great insights and experience.
Thank you!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
BodkinVanHorn.....I don't know enough about your child to respond.....I don't even know the age or circumstances, etc....so, any specific response would be out of place for me, I feel.
Generally, I would say that this behavior with any child indicates the child is in some kind of great distress. I would advise to consult with a child/adolescent psychiatrist or psychologist. I say psychiatrist because they are medical doctor, first. There can be medical reasons for behavioral changes....from tumors to environmental toxins of many kinds....they are prepared to look for any of these causes. Some kind of abuse could also be considered.
Main thing....do not ignore it.....and, don't just rely on doorstep diagnoses (online, friends, neighbors)....go to the professionals with experience on this one....
This is my take on the situation.....
dandylion
Generally, I would say that this behavior with any child indicates the child is in some kind of great distress. I would advise to consult with a child/adolescent psychiatrist or psychologist. I say psychiatrist because they are medical doctor, first. There can be medical reasons for behavioral changes....from tumors to environmental toxins of many kinds....they are prepared to look for any of these causes. Some kind of abuse could also be considered.
Main thing....do not ignore it.....and, don't just rely on doorstep diagnoses (online, friends, neighbors)....go to the professionals with experience on this one....
This is my take on the situation.....
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Northeastern US
Posts: 122
Thank you Dandylion!
I did see her (lifelong) pediatrician yesterday, we have been dealing with this in lesser forms for...well, since before she could speak, with anxiety/screaming. Her take is to be MUCH MORE STRUCTURED. And, I am a very "hippie", "what will be, will be", "just roll with it" kind of chick. So the structure requirement she is suggesting is terrifying, for me. I mean, we do have structure, hard and fast (mostly) bedtime, veggie/fruit requirements, chores, etc.
DD is 5yo.
We have had a lot of life changes in the past year or two.
The dr did give me some pointers/resources. I'm just very frightened that i'll eff it (and her) up.
I was just looking for some personal experience/tips/resource suggestions from ppl that have come through this.
I did see her (lifelong) pediatrician yesterday, we have been dealing with this in lesser forms for...well, since before she could speak, with anxiety/screaming. Her take is to be MUCH MORE STRUCTURED. And, I am a very "hippie", "what will be, will be", "just roll with it" kind of chick. So the structure requirement she is suggesting is terrifying, for me. I mean, we do have structure, hard and fast (mostly) bedtime, veggie/fruit requirements, chores, etc.
DD is 5yo.
We have had a lot of life changes in the past year or two.
The dr did give me some pointers/resources. I'm just very frightened that i'll eff it (and her) up.
I was just looking for some personal experience/tips/resource suggestions from ppl that have come through this.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
My sister deals with this to some degree with her older son but he was labeled as being on the spectrum of autism. He doesn't have separation anxiety but has sensory integration disorder among other disorders.
Any time a child exhibits behaviors that go above and beyond normal, it's always a good idea to check with a pediatric neurologist or pediatric psychologist who goes beyond what a normal MD can diagnose. Your MD can usually make referrals for you but so can the school psychiatrist.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this but please take heart, you are not alone. I know lots of people with special needs kids who are working through their issues with the encouragement and help of a supportive parent or parents. HUGS!!!
Any time a child exhibits behaviors that go above and beyond normal, it's always a good idea to check with a pediatric neurologist or pediatric psychologist who goes beyond what a normal MD can diagnose. Your MD can usually make referrals for you but so can the school psychiatrist.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this but please take heart, you are not alone. I know lots of people with special needs kids who are working through their issues with the encouragement and help of a supportive parent or parents. HUGS!!!
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Location: Midwest, USA
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If your doc says it's probably not ODD, it's probably not.
Aw, mama. That must be so hard! Usually kids act out with the people they feel safest with. Remember you have both had so much transition and she's probably frustrated and and maybe sad as well. They don't have the expression skills we do!
I know my kids get crotechety when I'm not carving out time for them. I'm always so busy, or trying to tune out on my stupid phone or catch 30 minutes of down time. I make a point of remembering to get down on the floor to play with my little one, and have some good talking/connection time with my teen. Sometimes when they're acting out so much what they really need and want is a HUG, believe it or not.
Remember HALT? Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Maybe loneliness (abandonment) is the hidden horseman.
Can you talk to a child counselor? Even the school guidance counselor? It might help to have some specific instructions about what "structure" is recommended. Some easy behavioral modifications, especially consistent rewards for good behavior IN ADDITION TO the punitive stuff, will do wonders with little ones.
I know my kids get crotechety when I'm not carving out time for them. I'm always so busy, or trying to tune out on my stupid phone or catch 30 minutes of down time. I make a point of remembering to get down on the floor to play with my little one, and have some good talking/connection time with my teen. Sometimes when they're acting out so much what they really need and want is a HUG, believe it or not.
Remember HALT? Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Maybe loneliness (abandonment) is the hidden horseman.
Can you talk to a child counselor? Even the school guidance counselor? It might help to have some specific instructions about what "structure" is recommended. Some easy behavioral modifications, especially consistent rewards for good behavior IN ADDITION TO the punitive stuff, will do wonders with little ones.
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How old is she?
I think your pediatrician has a good suggestion. Someone explained it to me this way: Kids who don't have routines and firm boundaries don't know what to expect (and it's super common in addiction families), and they feel like you would if you knew you were on top of a cliff with a blindfold and didn't know where the edge was, just that there was an edge somewhere.
Boundaries=security=calm=bravery to explore, sort of.
I think your pediatrician has a good suggestion. Someone explained it to me this way: Kids who don't have routines and firm boundaries don't know what to expect (and it's super common in addiction families), and they feel like you would if you knew you were on top of a cliff with a blindfold and didn't know where the edge was, just that there was an edge somewhere.
Boundaries=security=calm=bravery to explore, sort of.
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My nephew requires a structure that is VERY rigid. It is a huge hassle but well worth it. It will likely be stressful for you b/c you are not set up that way, but truly I am betting you will see a huge payoff.
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
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Hello Bodkin,
You probably instinctively know what the hot spots are in the day & I would focus on those first. You may not need an Excel spreadsheet laying out your entire day...
Two things I have had some success with in parenting is using a transition warning of about 7-10 minutes. I pre-announce the transition and then I stick to it like duct tape. The other thing I do is give as much flexibility as I can when chores get done so it is more when they want to do it. At the end of the day, I just want it done, so I try to let go my expectations other than the finished outcome.
These two things are actually working well at 13 still. Now I even use them with RAH!! Ha ha ha!
You probably instinctively know what the hot spots are in the day & I would focus on those first. You may not need an Excel spreadsheet laying out your entire day...
Two things I have had some success with in parenting is using a transition warning of about 7-10 minutes. I pre-announce the transition and then I stick to it like duct tape. The other thing I do is give as much flexibility as I can when chores get done so it is more when they want to do it. At the end of the day, I just want it done, so I try to let go my expectations other than the finished outcome.
These two things are actually working well at 13 still. Now I even use them with RAH!! Ha ha ha!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Northeastern US
Posts: 122
Thank you, everyone!
HALT is great, thank you.
I like the 7-10 minute transition! She does benefit greatly from a 'transition time' when I remember to do that. I've been very scattered, frazzled, forgetful, and stressed, so she's certainly not getting the focused mom attention she needs.
She also does great with structured time, I've done charts (getting ready for school/bed) and it's amazing how well she does with it. So I don't know if it's just helpful in keeping her "on track" in the am or if she like's checking stuff off, or what.
Thank all of you again for all of your insights and sharing your experiences!
Happy Wednesday, be well!
HALT is great, thank you.
I like the 7-10 minute transition! She does benefit greatly from a 'transition time' when I remember to do that. I've been very scattered, frazzled, forgetful, and stressed, so she's certainly not getting the focused mom attention she needs.
She also does great with structured time, I've done charts (getting ready for school/bed) and it's amazing how well she does with it. So I don't know if it's just helpful in keeping her "on track" in the am or if she like's checking stuff off, or what.
Thank all of you again for all of your insights and sharing your experiences!
Happy Wednesday, be well!
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I was thinking about this last night and how hard it is when your kids function differently from how you function. I'm a hard-core control freak and planner (working on it!). I love getting a new calendar and planning out my weeks and blocking out time for X, Y, and Z... my kids hate it. I mean, I can't get them to plan ahead to save their lives.
One of them is messy. I mean, extremely messy. You'd think there had been a breaking and entering in her room if you go in there. It drives me NUTS -- but she knows where every single thing is in there. HOWEVER -- she is the one of my kids who needs structure the most. She's the one who would cry every morning the last week of school because school was about to end. Not because she loved school, but because things were changing. End of summer? Same thing.
I thought after I had kid #1 that I had this parenting thing down -- super easy kid to parent, easy to reason with from age 3, never had any big problems. And then the others came along and I'm like "the more kids I have, the more inadequate I feel as a parent."
One of them is messy. I mean, extremely messy. You'd think there had been a breaking and entering in her room if you go in there. It drives me NUTS -- but she knows where every single thing is in there. HOWEVER -- she is the one of my kids who needs structure the most. She's the one who would cry every morning the last week of school because school was about to end. Not because she loved school, but because things were changing. End of summer? Same thing.
I thought after I had kid #1 that I had this parenting thing down -- super easy kid to parent, easy to reason with from age 3, never had any big problems. And then the others came along and I'm like "the more kids I have, the more inadequate I feel as a parent."
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