lenore138

hi. i just found this message board today. i guess i have 2 different drug/alcohol concerns now. one is me and one is my husband. we've been married for 4 years dating 10 (since high school). when we were 19 (26 now) or so we both started drinking heavily, every day. this continued until i started 3rd shift a little over a year ago when i could only drink on the weekends. my husband still drinks everyday beer on weekdays, liquor on weekends. we have a son with cerebral palsy who is 8 (mine biologically). recently my husband began drinking all weekend. i mean everytime he woke up from being passed out he drinks until he passes out again. during this time he has been saying things to my son that are inappropriate and out of character for him such as sexist and racist things. he is also on lexapro. since my son can't talk due to the cp i try to talk to him but didnt know what questions he had or how he felt about any of this (he is very intelligent). because i was so upset over the things he said as well as other things that he has done while drunk (setting a bonfire in the yard in which he burnt all our winter coats while i was in the shower for example), i asked him to move out last sunday. he is totally avoiding talking about it and acting like everything is normal since then. i keep bringing it up and he keeps saying he's thinking or just avoiding the issue.
i am my second concern. i have not drank in about a month or more but instead have started using crank. i justified this by not being able to stay awake during the day when my son is home with me. it makes me happy and it makes me feel like i can be a more attentive mother, clean the house, and deal with my husband's drinking without feeling miserable. i know i should stop immediately and that it is going to make things worse. its just right now i feel like its not the major problem and it hasn't caused any problems for anyone. i saw a therapist this week and told her all of this and she recommended na and alanon meetings. also said my husband should move out. i had written him a letter listing the problems he and i and our son were experiencing due to alcohol and said i could not live like that. he responded by getting his friends to buy him some beer and bring it over. he does not at all want to quit or see a therapist. this devastated me because i feel he loves alcohol more than me or my son.
i promised my therapist when i used the last of my crank i would buy no more. it runs out today or tomorrow after work and i am scared as hell. also scared about what will happen to our family.
sorry this is so long. just wanted to get it out there.

Dan

Welcome to SoberRecovery Lenore.
Sounds like your husband has a serious problem.
As you do. Please take the time to visit the Friends and Family of Alcoholics Forum.
Many good people there can surely give you some good advice about what you can do for yourself and your son in the face of your husband's behavior.
As for you, may I suggest you think of attending either an AA or NA meeting.
You will need much support as you start experiencing withdrawal from your current drug use. Crank can be a dangerous detox.
Contact your doctor and put a plan in place.
And keep posting.

Moontime

Moontime Addict! Welcome! I would get my butt to an NA/AA meeting asap. Your disease is telling you everything you want to hear about how your more attentive, you can deal with your husbands drinking....etc... You have a son with CP, I suggest you need to stay clean for yourself and to raise a child. I've seen too many kids taken away from parents in the last month in my town. Your husband needs to work on himself as well, probably not in your household. Keep coming Back!

lulu70

Welcome, Lenore. Sounds like you are having a rough time of it. I can relate. I am a recovering alkie/pothead and also a single mom to an eight-year-old girl with CP. I know the stress involved. I, too, would highly suggest getting to an AA or NA meeting ASAP. You may need more help than that. I went to a 30 day treatment center when I first got sober. Do you have anyone who can care for your son? Your husband sounds like he needs serious help as well. However, you cannot help him until you help yourself. In fact, you may never be able to help him. Keep posting. You have come to the right place. Best of luck, and hang in there.

P.S. Feel free to send me a personal message or email.