Well, here I am again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 458
Well, here I am again
Yesterday was my day 1 again. After a year of try to moderate, quit, give up etc...... my decision was made because I woke up feeling like crap, hubby going away for the night, loads to do, sole responsibility for my children. I tell myself there is no way I can continue living this way.
Yesterday I had a planned lunch with my functional alcoholic mother-in-law because the men were away golfing. Just me and my two children. I picked her up at 2pm and new immediately she was drunk, she went on in a foul mood moaning about everything and everyone. Ordering vodka, not being able to eat her food. All the while I sat on and judged her, embarrassed by her behaviour, how could she do this in front of my children, What was wrong with her??
On the way home she asked me to stop at the shop, she bought me a bottle of vodka to say thank you for a lovely afternoon.
I poured the bottle down the sink in anger and fear I would drink it.
Today day 2 and feeling anxious about everything, battling the AV all day and then I finally give in after hitting the car on a post, first thing I did was drive to the shop and bought myself a bottle of vodka, telling myself it would be nice to take the edge off today and enjoy a few drink with my husband when he returns.
I start drinking at 7.30pm, he has a few cans, I rant about how awful his mother's behaviour was, we drink and chat then he retires to bed.
Where dose that leave me???? Drinking alone and dreading the morning wake up.
All the reasons I choose to drink have fading away and the reality is, I choose to drink because I could not cope without one!!
Yesterday I had a planned lunch with my functional alcoholic mother-in-law because the men were away golfing. Just me and my two children. I picked her up at 2pm and new immediately she was drunk, she went on in a foul mood moaning about everything and everyone. Ordering vodka, not being able to eat her food. All the while I sat on and judged her, embarrassed by her behaviour, how could she do this in front of my children, What was wrong with her??
On the way home she asked me to stop at the shop, she bought me a bottle of vodka to say thank you for a lovely afternoon.
I poured the bottle down the sink in anger and fear I would drink it.
Today day 2 and feeling anxious about everything, battling the AV all day and then I finally give in after hitting the car on a post, first thing I did was drive to the shop and bought myself a bottle of vodka, telling myself it would be nice to take the edge off today and enjoy a few drink with my husband when he returns.
I start drinking at 7.30pm, he has a few cans, I rant about how awful his mother's behaviour was, we drink and chat then he retires to bed.
Where dose that leave me???? Drinking alone and dreading the morning wake up.
All the reasons I choose to drink have fading away and the reality is, I choose to drink because I could not cope without one!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: London
Posts: 204
Originally Posted by Dorris 
Yesterday was my day 1 again. After a year of try to moderate, quit, give up etc...... my decision was made because I woke up feeling like crap, hubby going away for the night, loads to do, sole responsibility for my children. I tell myself there is no way I can continue living this way.
Yesterday I had a planned lunch with my functional alcoholic mother-in-law because the men were away golfing. Just me and my two children. I picked her up at 2pm and new immediately she was drunk, she went on in a foul mood moaning about everything and everyone. Ordering vodka, not being able to eat her food. All the while I sat on and judged her, embarrassed by her behaviour, how could she do this in front of my children, What was wrong with her??
On the way home she asked me to stop at the shop, she bought me a bottle of vodka to say thank you for a lovely afternoon.
I poured the bottle down the sink in anger and fear I would drink it.
Today day 2 and feeling anxious about everything, battling the AV all day and then I finally give in after hitting the car on a post, first thing I did was drive to the shop and bought myself a bottle of vodka, telling myself it would be nice to take the edge off today and enjoy a few drink with my husband when he returns.
I start drinking at 7.30pm, he has a few cans, I rant about how awful his mother's behaviour was, we drink and chat then he retires to bed.
Where dose that leave me???? Drinking alone and dreading the morning wake up.
All the reasons I choose to drink have fading away and the reality is, I choose to drink because I could not cope without one!!
Yesterday I had a planned lunch with my functional alcoholic mother-in-law because the men were away golfing. Just me and my two children. I picked her up at 2pm and new immediately she was drunk, she went on in a foul mood moaning about everything and everyone. Ordering vodka, not being able to eat her food. All the while I sat on and judged her, embarrassed by her behaviour, how could she do this in front of my children, What was wrong with her??
On the way home she asked me to stop at the shop, she bought me a bottle of vodka to say thank you for a lovely afternoon.
I poured the bottle down the sink in anger and fear I would drink it.
Today day 2 and feeling anxious about everything, battling the AV all day and then I finally give in after hitting the car on a post, first thing I did was drive to the shop and bought myself a bottle of vodka, telling myself it would be nice to take the edge off today and enjoy a few drink with my husband when he returns.
I start drinking at 7.30pm, he has a few cans, I rant about how awful his mother's behaviour was, we drink and chat then he retires to bed.
Where dose that leave me???? Drinking alone and dreading the morning wake up.
All the reasons I choose to drink have fading away and the reality is, I choose to drink because I could not cope without one!!
good luck.
x
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Hi Dorris - welcome back 
I think a lot of us come from a place where we drink for anything - bad day, hitting car on a post, someone lets us down, or makes us mad, whatever...
I was there. It's hard to stop when we've convinced ourselves everything's a trigger...hard, but it's not impossible.
You have to be committed to suffering a little discomfort for a while, and learning that not only will it not kill you but you can get through it without drinking...
I think support is vital too - look at the support you have...is it enough? do you use when you need it?
If the answer to either of those questions is no, maybe it's time to think about what you can do about that?
D
I think a lot of us come from a place where we drink for anything - bad day, hitting car on a post, someone lets us down, or makes us mad, whatever...
I was there. It's hard to stop when we've convinced ourselves everything's a trigger...hard, but it's not impossible.
You have to be committed to suffering a little discomfort for a while, and learning that not only will it not kill you but you can get through it without drinking...
I think support is vital too - look at the support you have...is it enough? do you use when you need it?
If the answer to either of those questions is no, maybe it's time to think about what you can do about that?
D
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