doureallycare2

Has anyone noticed that all those friends that told you you need to give up something or get rid of something to make your life better seem to disappear on the weekends?

I have a few very very good friends. And I have some casual friends all married. All of these friends that actually knew about my situation wanted me, no scratch hat, begged me to end it with th BF. They said run! run as fast as you can! They know how hard it was for me. They know what a struggle for me to go through with it was. they know that I was codependent and addicted to this relationship. They know how lonely and depressed I am..

So where are they? Why am I the one that always has to reach out? I know they're all married, have lives. But really not even a phone call? THey said to me you can do this, wie'll have your back. And they do if I call......but no one calls me. No one asked me to do anything with them over the weekend....

Last night the loneliness hit hard.... Friday night was hard and right now is hard...I'm so tired of hard....

Feeling sorry for myself I know..... How long does it take to get comfortable in your own skin...to break the habits you've built up.... All I want to do is call him... Holding on by a tread and a prayer..

LBrain

sounds familiar to me. my circumstances were different, but people seemed to be abducted by aliens

Soberwolf

When I'm lonely I read I spend a lot of time alone

I spend evenings with my gf but during the day if I'm not working all my time is spent alone doesn't mean you have to sit there in it

Make a plan realistic targets to combat this ?

Works for me

PurpleKnight

Yeah I know plenty of people like that, unless I call them, they won't call me!!

I now don't worry about it, I make my own plans and if others don't want involved then I still go and have a coffee with a good book, go for walks, there's plenty of things to do to break the lonely feeling just sat indoors!!

Dee74

I look back at the friends I had when I was quitting and the friends I have now and they're largely two different groups.

For me it was inevitable because sober me wanted different things that drinking me...I changed in my recovery.

I have a lot of friends tho, now - and they all know and respect my non-imbibing.

Stick with it doyoureallycare - make some new friends - I think these things have a way of working out

D

neferkamichael

Doureallycare2, my heart goes out to you, but the truth is ya never know who you can depend on in this life. If your the one who has to always reach out then perhaps there's something wrong with a friendship. Do your best not to let it get ya down and work on your co-dependence an addiction issues, rootin for ya.

Elodie

Hey doureallycare2, I'm sorry that you're the one who is always reaching out to your friends. That stinks.

However, if you do have issues with codependency, as you have stated in earlier threads, maybe it is necessary for you to learn to be alone and learn to be okay with that, and put yourself first. I'm sure you don't want to switch the focus of your codependency from your boyfriend to your friends (not that I think you're doing that, I'm just saying). Maybe try looking at your solitude as a positive thing, an opportunity for yourself to do what you want to do, to make yourself happy, a chance to be selfish, in a good way.

People can be pretty self-absorbed, and they might not mean anything by it, but friendship takes work and some people get lazy.

I have a couple friends who are always the ones to initiate contact, call or text me, etc. They never give me a chance to reciprocate. But one of them didn't call me for a week or so, and I definitely noticed and reached out to her. Maybe your friends are just used to you initiating the contact?

doureallycare2

I'm at such a different place then I was when I posted this.. Im recognizing that some of my friends where better friends to me then I have been to them.. others, well, others have their own issues and their concern with friendship is the least of their concerns.

Wastinglife

I also noticed that my friends slowly disappeared as my drinking increased. Who wants to hang out with a drunk, really. I would become argumentative and just an a$$ to be around. I would hear of them hanging out without me and I just tried to figure out why. The reason was to be seen in the mirror: a bloated walking brewery.

doureallycare2

Wasting life, that's a very sad description

Wastinglife

Well, now that I am sober, I can look back really see that I was a sick man. I was an unpredictable drunk and could snap at someone and be offensive. That guy is not me. Don't who he was.

I am still friends with them. They just didn't like the drunk version.

ANewDayNYC

I think the best thing to do is keep busy. Do you have any hobbies? Maybe join some clubs you are interested in? Take advantage of the free time you have.

doureallycare2

I'm actually looking forward to this reason with no particular reason.... I have no plans, its supposed to be crappy outside but I'm not longing for what was...Instead just accepting the day...