don't know what to do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: tiffin ohio
Posts: 1
don't know what to do
my wife has hidden an addiction from me for years. I am finally putting details together that I have turned a blind eye to the possibility of this for so long. I love my wife so much, and would not give a thought to leaving her for any reason, no matter what. We have a 7 year old son together, and have discussed having another child, until recently when she has abruptly changed her mind about that. for years, people have suspected that she has a drug related problem because of money missing from our household, secrecy with online accounts like facebook, and numerous online banking cards that she refusing to explain.
Recently I have caught many lies which have led me to see what people have been telling me for so long. She does have horrible pain issues because of a work injury which has her on quite a bit of prescription medication, and has limited her mobility for a long time. this could contribute to depression and anxiety which is fueling her need for other drugs. she has talked about hurting herself, and I am scared that if I confront her about what I have finally figured out that she would hurt herself.
she has made friends with a lady who has been dealing with addiction of her own for years, and this has turned into a very close relationship. she has decided recently to partially move out of our home with her friend. at this time a lot of money has been used from our bank account, to the point that nothing is left. when I try to get any information about what is going on, my wife gets defensive and her answers are very vague. I have been telling her that I simply can't shake the feeling that something is going on that she is keeping from me. And I have been trying to make her see that there is absolutely nothing that would keep me from loving and supporting her. In spite of that, it is her friend who she trusts through this and not me.
I need to get her whatever help she needs, but I dont know what to do. I need my wife back, and I cannot do anything to cause more problems. I want to help and have no idea what to do.
Recently I have caught many lies which have led me to see what people have been telling me for so long. She does have horrible pain issues because of a work injury which has her on quite a bit of prescription medication, and has limited her mobility for a long time. this could contribute to depression and anxiety which is fueling her need for other drugs. she has talked about hurting herself, and I am scared that if I confront her about what I have finally figured out that she would hurt herself.
she has made friends with a lady who has been dealing with addiction of her own for years, and this has turned into a very close relationship. she has decided recently to partially move out of our home with her friend. at this time a lot of money has been used from our bank account, to the point that nothing is left. when I try to get any information about what is going on, my wife gets defensive and her answers are very vague. I have been telling her that I simply can't shake the feeling that something is going on that she is keeping from me. And I have been trying to make her see that there is absolutely nothing that would keep me from loving and supporting her. In spite of that, it is her friend who she trusts through this and not me.
I need to get her whatever help she needs, but I dont know what to do. I need my wife back, and I cannot do anything to cause more problems. I want to help and have no idea what to do.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
hi love
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It sounds like you very much love your wife and want to help her.
Have you checked out the Friends and Family section here? There are tons of people going through the exact same thing as you.
I hope you find some answers and help. Addiction is a horrible thing to watch someone you love go through. Good luck.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. It sounds like you very much love your wife and want to help her.
Have you checked out the Friends and Family section here? There are tons of people going through the exact same thing as you.
I hope you find some answers and help. Addiction is a horrible thing to watch someone you love go through. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
I strongly suggest reading/joining : Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum on this site.
Visiting and joining Another no BS group in your area is Alanon whose members teach us about the addict and how to care for ourselves.
BE WELL
I strongly suggest reading/joining : Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum on this site.
Visiting and joining Another no BS group in your area is Alanon whose members teach us about the addict and how to care for ourselves.
BE WELL
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
This may help
Glad your here if you need advice we are all here to help one another
This may help
Glad your here if you need advice we are all here to help one another
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum!! 
Addiction can be a very lonely place looking in from the outside, for the family and friends of the addict, there seems to be a lot of secrecy and unexplained money losses and that would probably indicate that her addiction is still in full flow, I would also question whether this friend is adding to her recovery or fuelling her addiction even further, again because there's a lot of secrecy going on!!
As others have mentioned, our friends and family section has plenty of information worth checking out, but in all of this try to seek support for YOU, your wife will only deal with her addiction when she wants to, but in the meantime support for you is important!!
You'll find loads here on SR!!
Addiction can be a very lonely place looking in from the outside, for the family and friends of the addict, there seems to be a lot of secrecy and unexplained money losses and that would probably indicate that her addiction is still in full flow, I would also question whether this friend is adding to her recovery or fuelling her addiction even further, again because there's a lot of secrecy going on!!
As others have mentioned, our friends and family section has plenty of information worth checking out, but in all of this try to seek support for YOU, your wife will only deal with her addiction when she wants to, but in the meantime support for you is important!!
You'll find loads here on SR!!
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